College of Idiots

Spring Training - The most enjoyable meaningless game played anywhere

2011-03-01T19:17:00.006-07:00

Ginger Russ, Lazy Steve, were able to attend the first Cubs Spring Training game this past Sunday which inspired me to put a few thoughts on paper (???). I have noticed over the years that quite a few Cubs blogs out there tend to down play the significance of Spring Training and some go as far as to advocate not wasting time attending. As a Cubs fan that grew up in Chicago and moved to Arizona following college I know just how wrong they are. Lets examine a few good reasons to go:

The weather - OK, so it was a bit cold on Sunday and even sleeting in Mesa at one point. That's about as bad as it gets. March-April and October-November are the best times to be in Arizona. The weather perfect from sun up to sun down which allows for tailgating at parks such as Hohokam (although that is likely to change when the Cubs move to their new digs) on game days and other outdoors activities when you need a day off.
The environment - This could be a pro or con depending on who you ask. The exhibition nature of the games allows people to mingle and meet new people. Our group of friends have met quite a few cool individuals. Single guys (and I am guessing some not-so-single guys) are treated to the local ladies that enjoy slipping back into their more revealing garb when the weather hits 80. Overall all the games are laid back and extremely enjoyable (except when it's Sox v Cubs when there is always a hand full of jerks with massive chips on their shoulder).
Player evaluation - Although the games are only useful for getting back into the swing of things for most veterans, Spring Training is where the minor leaguers are allowed to make a name for themselves. You would not have seen Starlin Castro in Wrigley last season if he doesn't impress Lou so much in ST2010. Lou basically mandated that Hendry bring up Starlin when he tired of Theriot's terrible defense.
Player accessibility - You will never get as close to the players in the regular season as you are allowed to in Spring Training. Not everyone cares about this (I don't really) but if you have a kid or just like trolling for autographs the players take lots of time before the game and as they are leaving to sign. Last season I watched first hand as Ryan Dempster signed an autograph for every kid that wanted one on his way out to the players parking lot. He didn't leave one kid disappointed. To get an autograph at Wrigley you need overpriced tickets and a lot of luck. Oh, did I forget to mention that it's fun watching Soriano scan the crowd out in left for ladies? Hilarious every time.

Anyway, there are more solid reasons to come out for what amounts to a vacation but frankly I have tired trying to convince people. Bottom line is it is a great time. If you stay away because you think the fans are clueless you are kind of right...although you wouldn't attend games at Wrigley if that really bothered you.

GO CUBS!

You know...Aaron Rodgers is a prick too everyone.

2011-01-18T19:26:00.003-07:00

Andy over at Desipio threw up a solid post today (you will be less impressed when you realize I don't mean that literally) about how the media, especially the media in Chicago, insist that Bears fans don't like Lovie Smith and Jay Cutler. I agree with him on most of his posts. Possibly the only disagreement is that I do think Lovie is especially boneheaded when it comes to challenging. Remember the Redskins game?

Anyway, I have the advantage of looking at this from the outside. I have been living near Phoenix, Arizona for 7+ years now and thankfully don't have to read much of the garbage that the Chicago sports media puts out. The national consensus seems to be that yes, Bears fans want(ed?) Lovie out, and yes, Jay Cutler is a prick that no one in Chicago likes. Let's all just agree that the national media really has no clue what goes through a Chicago Bears fan's head (IRISH CAR BOMBS!!!!) and therefore have no idea how we feel about members of our sports organizations (unless it's Milton Bradley...took a couple reg season months but we hated him). They think we hated Lovie and think we will always hate Jay...because...wait for it...he tends to be a jerk at times.

OK, I have read all of the stories and understand that he can be immature and abrasive. As Andy noted, this is usually the side of Jay that the media sees because he is forced to perform for them and seems to HATE attention. 1+1 still equals 3 right? Of course the media should assume that he acts the same around everyone as he does whenever they are around. In the end, I cannot prove he is a sweetie pie behind closed doors. What I can prove is that another quarterback in the NFC North is a pompous asshole.

Enter Aaron Rodgers. Sure he gives off that field general that all the football media seems to drool over. You know what else he does? This...

...and this...

Yeah, in that last one you saw him do his DUMBASS championship belt situation to a group of cheerleaders for gaining 9 years and a first down. Hope everyone enjoyed listening to Joe Buck in the background ignoring the taunt and comparing him to Michael Vick between puffs on Rodgers'sss''ss's johnson. I think I am going to leave the little fist pump he tends to do alone. Talking about this stuff is making me ill.

So the point is this. Aaron Rodgers is cocky. Jay Cutler is cocky. Alex Smith is cocky. I mean even Jimmy Clausen is cocky. They all are. Jay Cutler being any different is the product of a media that he often chooses to rebuff. I mean we all can't put on a show for the mic about how awesome are quite like Rodgers did after the Falcons game.

"This probably was my best performance -- the stage we were on, the importance of this game," Rodgers said. "It was a good night."

Yeah, HIS best performance. His receivers and linemen has nothing to do with it.

As a Bears fan we can take solace in knowing, that although Jay Cutler is a jerk to the media and we don't hear much good other the references to a game recap, what we see is what we get on the field and he does everything he can to crush the opposition. We shouldn't ever have to deal with the utter disappoint when the "hero" shits on our floor. How long did it take to clean off that steaming pile dear old Brett left for you Packers fans out there?

Bears Live Tweet: Sunday Night Edition

2010-10-03T12:11:00.004-07:00

Follow COI on twitter tonight as the "Best in the NFC" Bears take on the Giants. Angry Mike will be tweeting live from Hawaii...and probably drinking some Kona beer while eating Spam sushi rolls.

twitter.com/collegeofidiots

Go Bears!

Are Cubs Fans Racist?

2010-08-20T16:00:00.004-07:00

So, Bradley/Dusty/Sosa/Pierre/Jaque/Patterson, Cubs fans are racist, huh? In that case I'm sure DLee received resounding boos, racial taunts and batteries flung his way when he "returned" to Wrigley to start for his new team. Since I don't watch the Cubs anymore, let's go to the tape, via Cubs.com.

Okay, so you're actually going to have to click on the link, you lazy fuck.

Wait, was that just a 30 second long, standing ovation for a black man? Maybe it's not the color of your skin. Maybe it's that Cubs fans don't like cry-baby player/managers that don't try, complain all the time, run our pitchers into the ground or are just plain untalented. Maybe...

Nah, I mean that's nothing compared to the cheers that Todd Hundley and Michael Barrett got when they came back to play their former team.

The Cubbies: Treehouse of Horror

2010-08-20T11:38:00.002-07:00

Jim Hendry: [Marlin's GM, Frank Wren agrees to trade for Derrek Lee] Take this first baseman, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Wren: Ooh, that's bad.
Hendry: But it comes with $3.3 million.
Wren: That's good.
Hendry: The money is also cursed.
Wren: That's bad.
Hendry: But you get a gold glove to replace Troy Glaus at first.
Wren: That's good!
Hendry: The glove contains potassium benzoate.
[Wren looks puzzled]
Hendry: ...That's bad.
Wren: Can I go now?

Sorry for the lame post, how long till football and hockey season?

America..Fuck Yeah! Cubs...FUCK!

2010-07-04T00:17:00.003-07:00

Happy Fucking Birthday America!

Wow, what to say about this great time in American history? First black president...worst assault on the environment ever...TEA BAGGERS (John Waters finally gets his due)! It may only seem like it's been since the birth of our great nation that the Cubs have won a World Series, but that's only because neither you, your parents, your grandparents and in the case of our younger "viewers" (did you ask your parents for written consent to read this?) your great-grandparents have seen the Cubs win it all either. But this is the year! At least that's what I wrote on an empty Old Style 12 pack case in Crayola crayons earlier this year.

Why is it that we need our pitchers to get within 2 innings or closer of a no-no for the Cubs to win? How did our Opening Day pitcher become the "Milton Bradley" of the NL? How did I become more interested in futbol than the Cubs? What is this rash on my ass?

Seriously though, on Monday and Tuesday the Idiots will again head out to the BOB, or whatever the fuck name the stadium is called this year to watch our beloved(?) Cubbies hopefully win a couple in the Valley of the Sun. Yeah, I WON'T be wearing my Zambrano jersey. Maybe this year we can take in some of the great features of the park, like the phallic-shaped swimming pool, the TGI Fridays in left field, or the kiddie batting cage behind home plate. Wait, that last one was just creepy. So sign us up for a couple of Sonoran Dogs, sushi, lattes and billboards telling us when to clap and cheer. Gotta love baseball where the AZ fans are just as clueless as an Argentine fan blowing his vuvuzela after the 90th minute of yesterday's World Cup game. Fuck, how did futbol work it's way back into this post? Well, gotta root at least one winning team.

Go Germany!

Cubs Season = Sad Trombone

2010-07-02T14:28:00.006-07:00

Image appears to be courtesy of Toothpaste for Dinner although I took it from some website that didn't give credit.

I tuned in today just as the top half of the 7th inning was starting. It didn't look too bad. Dempster was losing by a run but had struck out 9 and only given up a couple of hits. And then this happened. (Click to enlarge, but beware, you might want to get a puke bucket first.)

The Cubs of course followed up with their usual 1-2-3 inning.

I'm not wasting anymore time on this bullshit team for this post. The Idiots will catch a couple games in Phoenix next week where the Cubs meet up with the only team in the National league worse than them. And then I will be heading to LA to see the Cubs play next Saturday. Yes, I am a masochist.

GFY Cubs!

Tony LaRussa: Drunk, Racist, Tea-bagger

2010-07-01T12:01:00.003-07:00

Tony LaRussa, ye' ole' bastard, I love it when you give me something to write about other than sentences involving the words "Cubs" and "fire-barn". This week the Cards are hosting the D-Bags at Busch Stadium and the St. Louis Tea Party declared Tuesday, "Tea Party Night", which was of course followed yesterday by the weekly "Tea Bagging Night". The tea ~~baggers~~ ~~party~~ baggers (I got it right the first time) were out in full force to "buycott" the Arizona Diamondbacks...and get drunk and have sex with their siblings, but of course you already assumed that.

So, as we've reported earlier, Tuesday night was Tea Party night at Busch Stadium. The Cardinals were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks that night and the St. Louis Tea Party was there in force for a "buycott" in support of Arizona and its recent law to crack down on illegal immigrants.

As St. Tea Party founder Bill Hennessey told KSDK: "Part of the gate goes to the Arizona Diamondbacks and there are a lot of groups that are boycotting Arizona. We're "buy-cotting" Arizona."

But the biggest news of the night came when Cardinals skipper Tony La Russa expressed his views of the Tea Party and Arizona's immigration policy to KSDK.

"You're supposed to be able to have opinions and disagree, and a lot of things they (Tea Party) do I think are correct," said La Russa. "I'm actually a supporter of what Arizona's doing, you know, people don't fix your problem, and the government, national government doesn't fix your problem, and you've got a problem, they've got to take care of it themselves."

Oh, and after issuing that statement La Russa and the Cardinals went on to trounce the Diamondbacks 8-0.

Seriously, aren't these tea baggers supposed to be educated and intelligent?

Oh, yeah.

It's not that this article angers me, in fact, it makes me burst out laughing at how ridiculous it is. First, they're "buycotting" Arizona to help support the bill. Congrats, I'm pretty sure none of that money will make into the hands of the retards in the Arizona government, but good try. Then you have LaRussa's statement, which I've read twenty times and still don't understand.

"People don't fix your problem, the government, national government doesn't fix your problem..."

Yes, good tea-bagger stance there, continue.

"...and you've got a problem, they've got to take care of it themselves."

By which I'm assuming he means the state of Arizona, who are the people of Arizona, who LaRussa started out stating that don't fix your problem. Hitting it a little early, are we Tony? In related news, LaRussa went on to say, "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

Go Cubs?

"This Team Is Horseshit!" Sounds Like An Accurate Description To Me

2010-06-28T16:19:00.006-07:00

Some actual Cubs news to talk about this Monday and of course it isn't of the good variety. If you've given up on the Cubs completely (like I have) you probably missed Zambrano going off on his team after giving up four runs in the first inning to the South Siders on Friday. But thanks to the internet and sports television, you've probably seen the tirade by now. The aftermath has of course been exasperated by the team suspending El Toro Loco (that means the crazy bull) and Z going out to dinner with White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen the night following the incident.

Zambranogate (ht: Bleacher Nation) is far from over and with so much of Carlos' contract left it will be difficult to trade him anytime soon. But the most interesting part I, and it seems many of you, think about the story is that maybe Zambrano is just tired of this Cubs team. As I have discussed before, this is probably the worst Cubs team I have seen, and I'm not a youngster at over 30 years young. Let's look at a couple comments that I think might perfectly explain Z's outrage on Friday.

“It becomes a bit of a tired act,” - Jim Hendry

Old Jim only needs to look in the mirror before uttering this statement. Is Zambrano the only to blame for this crappy team? Sure Zambrano claimed at the beginning of the season that his crazy ways were in the past, but when everyone on the team seems to care less about how bad things are going it can only push a guy like Zambrano too far. This year Lou moved Z into the bullpen in order to give them a little leadership to the youngster that were failing early on. That plan obviously backfired, but Z took it in stride, saying he would do whatever he could for this team in order for them to win. While Carlos' antics are becoming a little bit of a broken record, the same could easily be said for Hendry's offseason perpetuity for horrible signings. He's gotten lucky a couple times: Lee, Ramirez, Byrd, but his track record is less than stellar. If someone on this team needs an indefinite suspension, let's look towards the front office and the horrible signings of late.

"This team is horseshit!" - Carlos Zambrano

So we're meant to criticize a player for expressing what we all are thinking? Honestly, I'm happy at least one player on the team isn't playing stupid in the clubhouse. Was the blowup the correct way of handling the situation? Probably not, but what else is going to get this team going? After the game, Lou got together with the team to ask them what they think he can do to turn help manage the team. Isn't that your fucking job, Lou? I've said time and time again that I believe Lou is a great manager, but now it seems that he just doesn't give a fuck anymore. If my boss came to me and asked what I thought would help get more sales (I'm a graphic designer, mind you, not a salesman) I would start looking for a new job. What the fuck do these players know about managing?

“This has been a deadass team for three months." - Bob Brenly

If this was Steve Stone talking about the Cubs I might be a little outraged, but this is a man who is forced to watch the Cubs on a daily basis. This is also a guy that has managed a World Series team, so he might know a little bit about managing a team. Remember when Lou first started he was also known as a guy with a short temper. Where is that guy? He was supposed to be the one that would take the pressure off the players. Now he just sits back, seemingly trying different strategies except for ones that would seem obvious even to your company softball team.

This team has been deadass and has been horseshit. Taking it out on Z for freaking out might be what the Cubs need, but it isn't going to change anything. Sure, Zambrano is nowhere near the pitcher he was when he signed his huge contract, but at least he still cares. I don't care and you don't care, but we aren't getting paid to care. The players are. Lou is. And Hendry is paid to make sure this team has what it needs to win. I've finally accepted that this team needs a full scale overhaul, from it's players to management to the front office. Look what McDonough has done with the Blackhawks in just a couple of years and follow that lead. Look, I love Zambrano and I love Lee, but both need to go. Even though both are the veterans of this team, this year has shown that the old leadership (along with some very bad moves, cough, Fukudome, cough, Soriano) isn't cutting it anymore. Become a young team again, get some good coaching on the minor league level and teach fundamentals.

Finally, this article suggests that Lee might have had it coming. In it Brenly discusses the game last Tuesday in which the Cubs made four errors, two by Lee alone. It's just a small example of why this team is so hard to watch.

“Ever since I’ve been here in Chicago, even going back to the Dusty Baker days, these teams -- and you hate to lump them all together because obviously there’s different personnel every year -- but the same problems keep coming up, poor baserunning, poor defense,” Brenly said Wednesday on “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. “The lack of timely hitting affects every team in the major leagues at one point or another, but it’s the lack of solid fundamentals on a daily basis that really gets to me, and I think gets to a lot of fans.

“It’s not playing the game the way it needs to be played to give yourself a chance to win.”

So when does football start again?

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

2010-06-25T14:26:00.003-07:00

Since I'm done posting about the Cubs (They won last night in overtime? Really?) I thought I would entertain you today by telling you a little about my weekend. Tonight, Lazy and I (with gf's in tow) will be heading up north to the beautiful city of Flagstaff, Arizona. What's in Flagstaff? Well besides almost perfect weather (a 25 degrees cooler than the Valley, which today will hit 110 degrees) there is a little Festival going on. And that festival my friend is a beer festival, the Made in the Shade Beer Festival to be exact. Over 50 breweries will be showcasing their best, tastiest and often rare selections for tasty drinkers who love to get their drink on at over 7,000 feet above sea level. The greatest part of Made in the Shade is that the beerfest is at the fairgrounds, which also has a campground within walking distance. So camping tonight, beerfest tomorrow followed by more camping and then a hungover drive back to Phoenix on Sunday.

But enough about my life, let's get to the real task at hand: beer. Today I would like to showcase a couple beers that are my favorite summer beers. And away we go:

Bell's Oberon
This refreshing American Wheat Ale with a slight fruity tang doesn't overpower the citrus like some other beers (cough, Blue Moon, cough). A perfect session beer at 5.8%, a couple of these will have you chillaxing. Until recently Bell's did not distribute in Arizona, which sucked because Oberon was always one of my favorite's. Now if we can only get Goose Island and New Glarus to follow suit, we'll be in business. Speaking of which...

New Glarus Totally Naked
Since New Glarus stopped distributing outside of Wisconsin, I think it is one of the most sought after breweries in the Midwest. Most people will go for the Spotted Cow, which is also my favorite, but the Totally Naked is brewed just as the name says: nothing but the purest of ingredients with Noble hops from Germany and the Czech Republic and two-row barley malt. When the heat (and humidity in the midwest) rises, nothing is more refreshing than a crisp, clean beer like Totally Naked to quench your thirst.

Sierra Nevada Summerfest
To be honest, I don't particularly enjoy summer seasonal beers. I'm a hop man myself, big into IPA's. Summer beers usually include wheat ales which is at the bottom of my list as beer selections go. With a more hoppy flavor than most summer seasonal beers, it's still refreshing on a summer day but has the "bite" that I enjoy in the ales that I usually drink. Sierra Nevada rarely puts out a bad beer, and this selection attests to their drive to brewing excellent beer year round.

Kona Brewing Company Longboard Island Ale

Again, I don't particularly enjoy fruity and spicy beers when I'm trying to cool down in the hot AZ sun. Rather, I enjoy a crisp, clean beer that will refresh my palate without leaving a bunch of flavors in my mouth. Does this go against what a craft beer should be? Maybe, but I'm not talking about watered down Miller Lite here, I'm talking about a simple beer made right. Longboard is smooth but you can still taste the malt and hops that other mass produced beers lack.

Miller Chill
FINALLY! they took the unique taste of light beer and lime and made it with only 100 calories. Perfect for keeping my girlish figure all while staying refreshed and not feeling like I have a stomach full of bricks after drinking a sixer. This is by far my go-to beer whether at the beach with the ladies or playing football with the guys. It's like a... I can't keep this charade up. If you enjoy this beer, please refrain from ever reading this blog again. Thanks.

Well, there are a couple of my favorite's for the summer. What are you guys poring?

Go USA!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

2010-06-23T16:50:00.011-07:00

As I mentioned before, I've got the World Cup Fever. This morning I woke up wondering about why, like most Americans, I think that soccer is a gay sport. Until the 91st minute of today's match against Algeria I was almost back on that train until

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

So until the U.S. is eliminated I can put away my frustrations, but here are a couple of reasons why I will probably go back to hating soccer when it's all over.

Like a deck of cards.

Flopping.
I understand it's part of the game and at times the game can in fact get a little rough, not hockey rough mind you, but maybe a little blood spilled once in a while. But most the time the injuries are so fake I'm often wondering if these guys took their acting lessons from the WWE. No, even they are better actors than most these guys. It's not just the flopping. It's the magic spray that makes the guy jump up and be healthy instantly. And god forbid the guy is actually injured, a bunch of men with a stretcher come running out in a scene that looks like it came directly out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. Didn't you ever hear of a golf cart?

Click here for more hilarious Vuvuzela photos.

Vuvuzelas.
The only thing I like about the stupid plastic horn that has provided the soundtrack of the Beautiful Game is BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Sorry about that, what I meant BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Goddamn it! It's a stupid horn made by a plastics company. It has nothing to do with your ancestry. Everyone hates them. But they do make for a good internet meme.

BURN. IN. HELL.

Shoddy refs.
You would think that FIFA would try to get more American's interested in soccer by NOT pissing off the few of us that are watching for the first time. Soccer refs are just as bad, if not worse than NBA refs. They still haven't said what the mystery call was from Game 2 and the horrible calls continued on to take another goal away today. This is from the fifa.com website:

Football is a global sport and its rules must be interpreted and applied with absolute consistency wherever the game is played.

What a bunch of horseshit! The refs aren't even full time, they are part time. Why not get someone who does this for a living? What is this, baseball? This is the same reason people hate baseball for stubbornly holding on to stupid traditions. Get with the instant replay. If a player scores and is deemed offsides, review it. You only have like one or two goals a game anyway. How much longer would it take to review each one? Hockey has it right, there is often too much going on on the field for the three refs to pay attention to. Give them an eye in the sky.

FIFA ref in training.

I have to learn stuff.
I hate learning. What am I in high school again? It's not a field, it's a pitch. It's not a jersey, it's a kit. It's not zero, it's nil. It's like this sport is purposely setup so whenever the English announcer is speaking I have no idea what he's saying. I can understand the Univision feed better. Speaking of which, thank God I have an ISP that ESPN selfishly went out and agreed to carry. I'm the only person I know that can watch the games on ESPN3. Stop advertising the shit out of ESPN3 if no one can watch it!

This jersey is as hard to get as a McDonald's Beanie Baby®.

Bandwagoners.
Am I jumping on the bandwagon? Sure, in a sense, but after today's win half the guys that used to write for Thunder Matt's Saloon who I speak to on email daily went out and tried to buy USA Soccer kits (that's jerseys, remember?). Apparently Nike totally underestimated the demand as they are sold out everywhere. That just tells me that everyone is on this bandwagon. Sure it's great for soccer in the US, but just like everyone that thought the US in the final game in the Olympics would propel hockey viewership, it did little, as this recent trend of soccer will also prove.

All this being said, it seems that I would hate the World Cup, but the opposite is actually true. I've enjoyed it much more than I could have ever imagined. I find myself fully awake at 7:00 in the morning, yelling at the refs, running around and screaming like a kid when the US scores and actually getting involved in soccer conversations. I haven't enjoy the Beautiful Game this much since I was a kid going to watch the NIU soccer team back during the Roy family dynasty. Hell, I've even watched much of the other matches not involving the U.S.

So the Cubs play today on a channel that I actually get during a time that I can actually watch. Will I be watching? Probably. But honestly I wish there was more futbol on.

For more and accurate soccer coverage, I suggest you head on over to Unprofessional Foul. They do it right.

Go USA!

Kinda a Cubs Post: NO EXCUSES!

2010-06-18T17:12:00.010-07:00

We've been getting a couple comments lately from some guy (or gal) named "anonymous" who has been complaining about the lack of posting going on. I would like to formally apologize. Actually, no, fuck that. "Watching" this team this year has been atrocious. And I'm not putting "watching" in "air quotes" because "that's what the kids are doing". I seriously have probably only seen about 18 innings of Cubs baseball this year and about 8 those were the Ted Lily almost no-no. (I did catch 4 innings on Sunday before deciding if the Cubs lost a 7 run lead I would go on a murderous rampage.) I just don't care. And you don't either. It's even gotten to the point that I don't even know when the Cubs are playing, especially if it's a day game. I usually head over to Cubs.com around 4pm AZ time to see what time they start that day and sometimes I see a final score instead. And 9 times out of 10 it's of the losing variety and I thank God that I was busy listening to the new MGMT album instead.

I actually don't own the new MGMT album, but I hear that's what all the hipsters are listening to.

Really, if this was a season that was even remotely tolerable, we could at least joke about it. But we can't. It's THAT bad. Think about it, this team has actually IMPROVED since last year and still fans are calling it the worst Cubs team of their lives. "Fuck you, Ginger, this team sucks!", you say? Well, allow me to retort.

1. Silva for Bradley.
Although he is finally playing down to his potential, Silva has 8 wins this season. He is the only Cubs starter with a winning record, and besides BearPigFace (Marshall), the only Cubs pitcher WITH a winning record. If at the beginning of the season you said Silva would be the best Cubs starter AND have 8 wins FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON, I would have asked you for a hit off of whatever pipe you were smoking (unless it was crack, I'm not a degenerate you know...fuck, now I just insulted all our crack-smoking readers).

Meanwhile Bradley had a mental breakdown in Seattle and is hitting .230 with 6 home runs and 25 RBI's. If he were on the Cubs, he would have the lowest BA of all the starters and most the bench. Yes, even Derrek Lee.

2. The Byrd is the Word.
Guess which 2 Cubs have the best chance of representing the Cubs at the All Star Game this year? Yep, neither of them were on this team last year, which by addition and one through a MAJOR subtraction, should be making this team better. If it wasn't for Byrd, this team would be the Diamondbacks. And that's just bad, I know, I live in Phoenix. The Cubs went into the offseason needing a center fielder and we found it. We all know Hendry is a complete idiot, but as the saying goes, even a blind squirrel shits in the woods. Wait, that's not right. Something about the squirrel's balls. I don't know.

3. Animal Farm.
Why that title? I don't know, but the Cubs farm system is actually producing some talent in Colvin and Castro. And you know the Cubs are good at bringing along talented players through the system, I mean with all the Pie's and Patterson's and everything.

4. Ramirez Is Healthy.
What? He went on the DL. Shows how much I follow this team. Next thing you are going to tell me is that we resigned Brown Spot Bob Howry. Yeah, like THAT would ever happen!

5. Marmol Is Who We Thought They Were.
Fucker is on a MLB record breaking streak of strikeouts/inning ratio at close to 2 strike outs per inning. He has completed 13 of 16 save opportunities, but in how many of those did he inherit runners? I would look it up, but if I don't stop talking about this team I'm going to throw up thinking of so many reasons why this team should be atop the NL Central and not in the basement.

6. We Got Ricketts.
Having new owners was supposed to be a good thing. Right? Buehler? Buehler?

/heads to bathroom to pray to the porcelain God

So even though this team sucks, it has it's bright spots, even if that doesn't mean shit from shinola. So what have I been doing while ignoring my Cubbies? If you answered drinking heavily while watching the grass grow, you might be right. And let me tell, watching the grass grow in the desert is EXTREMELY boring. It's like we don't even have any unless you plant it twice a year and water it 4 times a day.

Seriously though, I have been adding to my distractions to keep my mind off the Cubs and preventing myself from writing anymore of these crappy posts that you must hate yourself so much that you actually read. Let's take a look at some of the things I have enjoyed in place of the Cubs this season.

Best beer glass EVAH!

1. The Blackhawks.
Did you know the NHL playoffs go until basically summer? Neither did I until this season, when just like you I jumped on that bandwagon to the promised land. I actually watched every Hawks playoff game and it was great. I liked hockey before, but now I LOVE it. I even got the girlfried in on the action, cursing along with me as the Hawks shot, passed, stopped and out-played their opponents on the way to the Lord Stanley Cup.

I am determined to make a vegetarian version of the KFC Double Down.

2. Food Blogs.
I'm an avid blog reader and in the past I have written about Cubs blogs I like while taking shots at others. My Google Reader has feeds from every Cubs blog I can find. Yes, even Bleed Cubbie Blue, although since I never read that garbage, I don't know why. But since I would rather punch myself in the nuts or light my ass on fire than watch the Cubs, why would I want to read about them? I currently have 900 unread Cubs blog posts that I will immediately trash after I get done writing this post.

So I have started reading food blogs instead. I love food and cooking and I love blogs, I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. A couple of note that I enjoy include Chow Bella (a Phoenix based blog), Epic Portions, GrubGrade, MAN B QUE, Serious Eats and So Good. If you're a foodie like me I suggest you check them out. I also frequent Mental Floss daily for strange and unique information and fun quizzes and Urlesque to keep me up on the current internet memes. I heart memes as well.

Sad Keanu is sad.

3. World Cup Fever.
Yep, I've got it and I hope there's no cure. Seriously, if you would have asked me a month ago to get up at 6:30 in the morning (I usually wake up at 8:30) to watch SOCCER I would have punched you in the ovaries. But now I'm watching almost every game thanks to ESPN3 and early morning programming. It's great! Sure, it's like slow motion hockey where flopping is not only tolerated but encouraged, but let me tell you, when that fucking ref called a fantom foul on the US Friday, taking away a game winning goal that would have guaranteed advancement to the next round, I almost threw the remote through the TV. OUTRAGE!! I WANT BLOOD!!! Deep breaths...

I feel better already. GO HOLLAND!

So teams I'm rooting for: USA, USA, USA!!! Mexico, because I live in the state that hates them and I hate most the people that live in this state. Germany, my heritage and any team that is playing France. Fuck France!

Well that's it. Until the World Cup is over you probably won't be hearing much from me unless you want to know about how to make the perfect grilled pizza or ramblings about a sport I know nothing about despite playing it for most of my childhood. Well, I have written about 1,300 words and it took me about 3 hours to write and edit this, so I say we're even. Deal? Good. Maybe once the All Star Break is over I will return to regular posting, but don't hold your breath. If you're really desperate for Cubs coverage, I suggest you head on over to Exile on Clark Street, where the posting is just as sketchy.

GO 'MERIKA!

Guest Post: Exiled in Cardinal Country

2010-05-26T12:27:00.003-07:00

It's been pretty quite in here again. I'm thinking my lack of interest in the Cubs lately has been because they have been sucking lately. What? They are 7-3 in their last 10 games, swept Colorado, split with the Phillies, took 2 of 3 from the Rangers and just shutout the Dodgers? I don't know what kinda Lost sideways world (or whatever the fuck you Lost fans are calling it) you're in, but in my world, the Cubs are still doing shitty.

So...we're going to introduce you to a guest blogger: gooseneck. gooseneck writes over at The Bigfoot Diaries, which is a pretty good blog, and he posts regularly. You should really check it.

Since the move I have found myself enjoying life a heck of a lot more, and working a heck of a lot less. And with all that free time, I have been able to do something that I really haven't had the opportunity to do over the last couple of summers... Watch baseball.

I have been watching at least a game a day for what seems like weeks now, and while that might seem boring to most, it fits perfectly into my new world agenda of laying on the sofa in the evenings and watching television.

Now, as a Cubs fan one might expect most games I watch are of the Chicago National League team, but that really hasn't been the case. We nodded out of our Dish Network renewal when we moved and opted instead for Mediacom, which to those of you who live in Zimbabwe, is a cable television outlet.

Unfortunately for me however, Mediacom doesn't have the Fox Chicago regional channels, nor Comcast which hosts most of the Cubs games. The team Mediacom does feature most is that outfit in St. Louis, and despite my hatred towards the birds in red, it is nonetheless baseball, and my grievances towards Dish Network are such that I am willing to take a splintered baseball bat up the ass so to speak, at least for the duration of this baseball season. I am blessed with ESPN's coverage of baseball, and the occasional Cubs games on WGN. Other than that, it's at least one hated team on television virtually each and everyday. (I have found that it is just as fun to root AGAINST the Cardinals as it is to root FOR the Cubs because lately the Cubs have been just as good as the Cardinals have been bad. The satisfaction is all mine.)

To take the complications in my life even further, I work outside during the day. I mow big grassy fields and I have the luxury of being able to listen through headphones to an old transistor sports radio that I have had for years while I am working. The Cubs play alot of day baseball, which is nice. On a non-windy clear day I can pull 1350 KRNT out of Des Moines and listen to the Cubs broadcast with Pat Hughes and Ronny Santo. But most days in central Iowa are windy and cloudy, so reception isn't always there when I want it. There are several other stations close to 1350 on the dial that have a stronger signal that jam up the short term frequency of my non-digital sports radio. One of the stations that makes for a lot of interference into my baseball utopia is the local station KCOB, which lies at 1280 on the dial. It's a double whammy because when KCOB isn't playing cheesy country ballads that make me throw up in my mouth, they are playing... You guessed it... Cardinals baseball.

But my love for the game persists. Baseball is in it's purest form when it's broadcast on the radio, and despite the fact that John Rooney and Mike Shannon are complete buffoons, the Cardinals broadcast IS a step better than the suicide driving country music that the station normally plays. Let me elaborate for a minute... Ken Harrelson, who broadcasts television games for the Chicago White Sox is the absolute worst television baseball announcer in MLB history... Even worse than those tools who do the Fox coverage, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Harrelson's quirky little sayings and his personal politics are very unwelcome to a baseball broadcast and never mind the fact that he is a complete idiot, who inserts his foot into his mouth at least once a week during the long baseball season. Without the addition of Steve Stone in the booth, an announcer that actually has a brain, Harrelson would shrivel up like a dandelion shot with Round-Up during each broadcast, eventually spontaneously combusting into a stuttering cloud of incomprehensible smoke. His backwoods and hickish demeanor actually taints the splendor of baseball, and brings to MLB what Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders bring to the NFL.

Now if you are wondering where I am going with this, here comes my point. Mike Shannon and John Rooney are the two most boring and incompetent baseball announcers to ever do a radio broadcast, and they together are like Ken Harrelson times two. They remind me of a couple of old men telling fishing stories... Long drawn out yarns of the ones that got away, though done in a steady monotone that fails to excite, or to keep the listener from um... Listening. I find myself spacing off whenever these idiots are on, to a point that I forget that I am even listening to a baseball game. you NEVER get that with Santo and Hughes... The story they tell is full of wonder, vibrant colors and excitement. I am seriously shocked that Cardinal Nation hasn't revolted and lobbied to get these two morons out of the radio booth.

But yeah... I'm looking forward to summer and enjoying the national pastime. Baseball is as pure as it gets for entertainment, and never has a more perfect game been played. As a Cubs fan who is truly kept in exile, I am lobbying to you Cardinals fans to take the first step towards the revolt I spoke of and get somebody with a brain into the radio broadcast booth. If you don't have the common sense or the decency to do it for yourselves, please do it for me... And meanwhile I will be using the Mute button when the Buck McCarver sideshow is on.

The Skipper Lous's One For The Cubbies (God These Titles Are Getting Horrible)

2010-05-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

An early game meant that I was able to listen to the whole thing yesterday while at work. But before I recap the game, or whatever I do that you Idiots like so much (it's always good to insult your readership), let me briefly go off about the new MLB At Bat.

All the action of a baseball, without all the action = watching paint dry with my eyes closed.

You see this year, like every year, MLB.com changed it's format so that I can get every fucking stat known to man listed on my screen. While this would be great if I was staring at the screen, I am at work and tend to do work things. The thing is, the At Bat loads INCREDIBLY slow on my computer, and I have a pretty new computer. I can't imagine what it's like for people with, say, 5 year old computers, or even worse, dial-up connections. So I have to stop working for 15 minutes while the damn screen loads and then HOPE that the radio will come on. God forbid I want to mute the volume so that I can watch some viral video in-between innings (while I'm on break of course, I AM working). That shit just freezes up the whole computer and I get that twirly rainbow wheel for 5 minutes. So GFY and DIAF MLB.com and At Bat.

Okay, so the Cublogoverse is a little peeved at Lou for the game yesterday. And rightfully so. When everything Lou does seems to go his way, we love him, but when he continually goes against logic and reason, it is bound to catch up to him, as it did yesterday.

Example 1: In the sixth inning the Phillies have men on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs. Rollins, who is hitting .342, is up to bat. Dempster runs the count to 3-0, with 2 of those balls in the dirt. I was listening along and Pat was talking about how you have an open base, a worse hitter on deck, etc, you know, all those common things that make you sure that they will intentionally walk Rollins to create a force at any bag. Koyie looks into the dugout for the confirmation from Lou. But Lou doesn't want to intentionally walk Rollins. Instead, Dempster throws up a fastball that Rollins jumps on and takes it out of the park. Next batter, Ibanez, Dempster easily strikes out.

If Grabow was a sandwich, he would be a brisket on rye (cause he's a Jew)...topped with poop.

Example 2: Two words: John FUCKING Grabow!

Rock out with your cock out, Aramis! Wait, no, that's not what I meant. I guess that's better anyways.

Example 3: The Cubs crawl back into the game with homers from Lee and Fuku. Apparently the Phillies are only made up of dead people, or people I thought were retired and dead long ago, as Jose Contreras is pitching. A long battle with Soriano ends with him getting hit by the pitch and he advances to 3rd with no outs on a single by Little Babe Ruth, Mike Fontenot. Yeah, he's still on this team, I didn't know either. Castro strikes out swinging and it's the pitchers turn to bat. So what does Lou do? Puts in the worst Cubs hitter, Aramis Ramirez. Now yes, A-Ram had the walkoff homer a couple days ago, but since then and before that he couldn't hit Rihanna with a Chris Brown stick. Aramis runs the count to 3-2 and strikes out on a ball in the dirt. Soto pops out, game over.

You see, Mr. Yellon, the only way to have fun at a Cubs game IS to drink too much beer.

So yeah, I've tried not to talk ill about the Cubs, which pretty much means I haven't written anything since the season has started. But I'm sick and fucking tired of it. The Cubs get a good run going and then Lou steps in and blows it. I know I've said before that Lou is the manager and a hell of a good one. But sometimes it makes you wonder if he just wants to get back in the clubhouse and tie a couple on just a little too early.

Go Hawks!

How(ry) Bad Is This Cubs Team?

2010-05-19T17:55:00.005-07:00

This should be an exciting Cubs year. More than half the starters are hitting over the .300 line. We have a new, young prospect that is actually living up to the hype. The end result of last year's mistake (Silva) is pitching the shit out of the ball and already has more wins through mid-May than all of last year (5-0), and the rest of the starting pitching is doing pretty good as well.

But this year has thus far sucked. The team barely peaked at .500 and now hovers around the 5 games under mark. We have been almost swept twice by the Pirates. THE FUCKING PIRATES! Our power hitters, Lee and Ramirez, can't hit the ball. Our bullpen can't hold a lead.

And then shit hit the fan. Someone, be it Lou or Hendry, decided that in order to make this team better they should move the ace and Opening Day starter to the setup role. The guy you're paying almost $20 million dollars to pitch at most 20 pitches in a game a couple times a week. Yeah, that worked out. And so the worst experiment in Cubs history since the college of coaches has finally come to an end as Big Z was moved to long relief and then back to the rotation.

Nothing really angered me more than the Z move. Being my favorite player, I was obviously going to be pissed. Since then I've kinda given up and so has the writing. I listen to the beginning of games, but by the time I leave work they are usually around the 7th inning and by then the Cubs are either getting shellacked or are winning by a couple runs which I know the bullpen will give up by the time I get home.

The Blackhawks playoff push has helped. Big Buff and Niemi are having awesome runs and the Hawks are helping all us Cubs fans by winning. But now that Z is returning back to his rightful place, I might pay a bit more attention.

That was until I found out that the Cubs have resigned Bobby "Brown Spot" Howry. Howry was released by the D-Bags a couple days ago. Yeah, a team with an even WORSE bullpen than our own doesn't want the washed-up has-been. So of course Hendry goes out and signs him.

And so I stop caring once again. I guess I can get back to my "ways to be cool" list. See you on Saturday, Steve.

Go Hawks!

Cubs Fans Unite In New Orleans For Jazzfest, Love of Pearl Jam

2010-05-05T16:48:00.012-07:00

This past weekend I headed down to New Orleans for the Jazz and Heritage Festival 2010. I have never been to New Orleans before and we were lucky enough to stay in the French Quarter. The trip was awesome and featured a great combination of music and food. Some of the musical highlights included Widespread Panic, Chris Thomas King, a skinny Blues Traveler, Steve Martin and his banjo pickin' (yes, the comedian/actor) and a band I have wanted to see since a teenager, Pearl Jam. Foodwise, I noshed on egg rolls filled with alligator, grubbed down on shrimp etouffee and jambalaya, delighted in beignets, went on an oyster crawl that took us to 6 different restaurants where we tasted about 2 dozen oysters prepared in 10 different ways and had crawfish cooked in at least that many different dishes.

But this is a Cubs blog, and Angry gets, well...angry when I don't write about the Cubs. Unfortunately the trip took me away from AZ at the same time the Cubs played the Diamondbacks. Living in AZ, this would be one of the few times out of the year that I would be able to catch the Cubs on tv/radio (sans games on the Wagon and national broadcasts). Luckily, I was able to still keep myself informed via my phone's internet and was glad to see the Cubs take 3/4 games from a team that always seem to give us trouble.

So the purpose of this blog is to weave together my trip and the Cubs and being a Cubs fan this isn't too difficult as Cubs fans are everywhere, which at times can come in handy, as it did at one particularly perfect time during my trip. As I said before, I have wanted to see Pearl Jam live for a very long time now. I have seen over 100 concerts and pretty much every band I have ever wanted to see. Pearl Jam was on the short list of bands that I knew would be awesome live and I hadn't seen yet, but I was also directed to check out Chris Thomas King by a couple of the Exile on Clark Street music snobs. CTK played right before Pearl Jam on a different stage, though, so I knew we would be stuck in the back of the crowd when we finally were able to make our way to the main stage.

Finally, after a great show by CTK we headed over to the Acura stage to try to get a spot for Pearl Jam, but the crowd was much more than any of us expected. We headed around the back of the stage and tried to get into the crowd on the "less traveled" side of the stage, but it looked like people had been camping out since the early morning (which we found out they had been). We waded into the crowd, trying to find a small patch of ground which we could stand and crowd together.

Eventually we came across a couple that had laid out a small tarp at which the corner had a flagpole with a Cubs and Chicago flag flying. By this time it was apparent that nothing good was going to open up for us, so being a little inebriated and knowing that Cubs fans bind together, I asked if we could hang out for a little while so we could scope out the situation and also wait for my father who was meeting us after seeing a different band. I was wearing my Cubs jersey, so I hoped he would feel some sympathy for a fellow Cubs fan. The guy said he was expecting some more people later, but we were welcome to use their tarp as a base camp. My mother and girlfriend, who I had also gone on the trip with, weren't too keen on this so we moved on.

Chris and Tracy show off the Cubs coozie.

Less than a minute later, I was being called back. The guy said he didn't mean to come off rude and welcomed us back. Well, I was perfectly okay with this, as I saw nothing even remotely promising ahead of us. We hung out and learned that the couple, Chris and Tracy, were from Chicago and had been going to Jazzfest for over a decade. So what turned out to be a temporary spot turned into our hang-out for the entire concert. Chris and I talked about the Cubs and about how it would be awesome if they played "All the Way", Eddie Vedder's Cubs song.

Pearl Jam was better than I had hoped, even though I missed the first 15 minutes due to a bathroom break. Chris and Tracy were great hosts. I know a lot of Cubs fans like to rip on how we have a horrible fan base, but once in a while you meet a couple fans who give us a good name. So thank you, Chris and Tracy, if you read this, you made our Jazzfest an even more enjoyable experience than expected.

Pearl Jam "Kick(s) Out the Jams" MC5 style.

Go Cubs!

How To Be A Bad Chicago Sports Fan...Again

2010-04-23T14:43:00.002-07:00

So my last post discussed how much Chicago sports was on last night which is why I was able to watch exactly zero of it. Yep, to explain how you too can become the worst Chicago sports fan while still being able to write a blog about, I will share my experience.

First, it's best that you readers understand that the Idiots reside in AZ, which at the moment is on California time. Sometimes we are on Colorado time. This is difficult for us in that sometimes we have to buy beer the Saturday before Bears games and sometimes we don't. Confused? I don't care. Anyway, like I said we are on California time, so everything starts 2 hours earlier than Chicago time, which according to our StatCounter, 4/5 readers reside from. The other one lives in India, who we can only presume is a spy. That's right IP address 203.89.78.87 we are onto you. Again I digress, let me start over.

So yesterday all the action started while at was still at work. I know you might think all bloggers don't have jobs and live in our parent's basements, but all the Idiots are actually employed (knocks on wood). Oh, did I mention I work what the other Idiots refer to as "banker's hours". So I work from 10am - 6:30pm, which is 12noon - 8:30pm Chicago time, for now, until fall when it will be 11am - 7:30pm. So most sports start while I am still at work. Luckily, MLB offered me the chance to be able to listen to what should be free radio for the low price of $19.95. I had to take the deal. So I get to listen to the Cubs games at work, which I did yesterday. At the same time I had two browser windows open: one for the draft and one for ~~porn~~ the Bulls game. The Blackhawk's game I had on record via the Versus channel, which I will discuss later.

So my shift came to a close early while both the Cubs game and Bulls game were still going on. My drive home is roughly 45 minutes, and with both games near the end (Cubs in the 7th, Bulls in the third) I knew both would be over by the time I got home. So I decided to "watch" the Bulls game on my phone on the drive home and just assume the Cubs were not coming back against the Mets. I made the right choice. Until I got home and what seemed like the Bulls easily handling the Cavs throughout the entire game turned into a nail-biter. But I couldn't turn on the tv and watch the game for fear I would see the Blackhawks score, which was now in progress. Remember, I taped it. So I'm stuck looking at my phone refresh the play-by-play action every 30 seconds. Ghey!

Finally the Bulls won, all of the action which I had caught either on an internet or phone description. I checked the Cubs score, yep, the Cubs had lost. Shocker! So I decided to watch the Blackhawks game, or so I thought. See, it's really nice and all that Versus shows the playoff games, but if the previous game they are showing runs long, it bumps out the next game. So far these playoffs I have missed all 1st periods of the Hawks games because of this. I turn on the recording and see that the Sabres/Penguins game is tied. GREAT! If they go into overtime I miss even more of the Hawks game. YEP, FUCKING OVERTIME. Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward. FUCK NOW I'M LIVE AND THEY'RE IN DOUBLE OVERTIME! And then another overtime. By the time the game is over, so is the Hawks game, which started a couple hours after the start of the Sabres/Penguins game.

And now the draft is over, which I don't really care about anyway. So yeah, I watched exactly zero Chicago sports last night. And that my friends, is how to be a horrible Chicago sports fan. I should have just went to Best Buy to wait in line to buy Avatar like the other 4 million Idiots.

Go Cubs!

TOO MANY SPORTS! MY BRAIN IS ABOUT TO SPLODE!

2010-04-22T15:14:00.003-07:00

What to watch tonight? Bulls at home against Cleveland? The New Cubs? Blackhawks trying to save face? The Tim Tebow Selection Show?

If only they had a place where they showed multiple shows at once in a friendly atmosphere with other folks that like sports. And they could serve beer too! With attractive girls to bring you said beers. Alas, a place like this would only exist in heaven and I live in Arizona, land of sun, sand and redneck racists.

This should be an exciting time for Chicago fans, but us Northside fans can only talk about Zambrano, Zambrano, Zambrano. It's funny cause I listen to a couple of national sports radio shows (Dan Patrick and The Herd) on the way to work and all I hear about is Ben Rapelisberger. No one outside of Chicago is even batting an eye. But the Cublogoverse has blown up, as well it should.

I'm still holding out for my judgement. Call me a fence sitter if you will. Call me a fatty. Just don't call me Shirley. BTW, if you haven't seen it yet, here is why Joakim Noah is quickly becoming a fan favorite:

Go Cubs?Bulls?BLACKHAWKS!!!Tebow?

At Least Now I Get To See My Favorite Player More Than Every Five Days

2010-04-22T10:49:00.004-07:00

By now you've heard that Big Z will be moving to the bullpen when Lilly returns on Saturday. It's being called the dumbest move the organization has made since trading Lou Brock and even all the way back to the namesake of this fine blog, the failed college of coaches experiment. Since every other blog has already wrote about every conceivable take on the move, from comical to outright anger to breaking down the facts, I thought I would mull it over last night and come up with something genius this morning to write about.

But I can't come up with shit. Part of me agrees with everyone else that this move is horribly retarded. The other part understands that this team needs something to break up it's losing ways. This move is shocking, which is exactly what Lou probably wanted. Lou is a professional manager and at times a great one. Sure he can't seem to figure out a regular lineup and sometimes seem to have lost his fire, so why not throw Z into the bullpen to light it under their asses instead?

Honestly, between all the blogs and tweets, no one really knows if this move is what the Cubs need. We just have to wait and see. If it works, then Lou is a genius. If it doesn't, everything goes back to how it was, the Cubs still suck and Lou has basically pointed out how inept Hendry has been during the offseason by forcing his hand by putting an $18 million ace as his setup man.

Fuck, it's only April. The Cubs haven't given up yet even though it might seem that way. And really, are you THAT surprised? This is a team that traded Lou Brock, signed Milton Bradley to a 3 year deal and has raised such great ballplayers like Corey Patterson and Felix Pie. All those things worked out, right? Okay, maybe those are all bad examples.

Go Cubs?

Volquez Suspended Under New "Anti-Flat Cap" Policy

2010-04-20T13:00:00.003-07:00

Today, MLB suspended Reds pitcher, Edinson Volquez, 50 games for CAP violations. Volquez was found to have repeatedly worn his cap to the side and has refused to curve the bill. This came as a shock to the pitcher, who only played in 9 games last season and is recovering from Tommy John's surgery.

Since the beginning of the decade, players started "bringing the streets" to wearing their uniforms. It started with baggy pants and quickly moved to the most sacred part of the uniform, the baseball cap. After flat brimmed usage started to run rampant in baseball, MLB decided to crack down on the practice, which makes players look foolish and angers much of the older fan base. While other sports like football and especially basketball have embraced their "urban roots", baseball has tried to remain traditional and...well...white.

After Volquez was informed of the suspension and told to clean out his locker, MLB representatives also found a cache of suspect pills in his locker. It was speculated that the pills were PED's, but tests proved that it was just a bunch of PEZ given to Edinson by fellow teammate Aaron "Baby Ruth" Harang. Fortunately for Volquez, the suspension starts immediately while he is still on the 60-day DL, so his punishment is more like a stern yelling.

Go Cubs?

Idiotic Tweets

2010-04-13T21:38:00.009-07:00

So what's all this business you ask? Well it is no secret that I am the person behind most of COI's Twitter updates. In performing this task I have run across some real dumbass people with some real dumbass thoughts and opinions. In true blog fashion I have decided to periodically post some tweets I come along and provide my mental dialogue along with them.

Let the stupidity begin...So @JCapp1538 decided to link to a 'cleverly' altered picture of the Cubs new slogan. Typical Sox fan FAIL (his profile picture made it clear he's a Sox fan). He, or whoever, used a blue L against a white background when even most simpleton Sox fans know (because they spent money on one) that the Cubs fly a white L against a navy background when they lose. Nice try though chuckle head.

The next woman got into me a bit regarding Soriano's lame effort this past Sunday.

The situation got starting with me popping off that people probably wouldn't have minded Soriano being out in left when the Reds had a runner go first to third on a base hit to left. In my opinion Soriano would have cut the guy down no problem. Instead we got to first hand witness Colvin's sub-par arm short hop the throw to Ramirez. After I explained myself, this is what I got back.

What do you know? We have another know it all that accuses me of being a Soriano apologist because I felt compelled to point out a way he could help the team. I responded back explaining why she is a typical defeatist Cub fan that grabs onto whatever the most glaring error (of MANY) of the game and places the blame for the loss on the single person who committed it. At no time did she or any of the simple minded Cubs fans on Twitter at the time blame Ramirez or Byrd, both of who left men on base (7+ each), most in scoring position, with less than two out.

Finally, we have @KevenBachman with by far the most moronic tweet.

Let me answer those for you Keven. Permanent benching? Not for at least a few more years. Trade??? Again, a few years. I guess Hendry trading Bradley makes people think ANYONE can be traded. I am probably giving Keven too much credit though. I assume he does not realize that Soriano has four more years on his contract. Surely he wouldn't ask such a stupid question if he did...right? By the way, thanks for using b4 instead of before. I appreciate you saving me the time I would have wasted interpreting those 4 characters.

Well that's it for the first installation of Idiotic Tweets. I promise more tweets next time. The idea really just came to me last night so we will see how it pans out. Now that I am looking out I am sure I will find better material. Until then...

GO CUBS!

Sox Fans Fail: Keeping It Classy

2010-04-09T15:19:00.007-07:00

As Cubs fans, we think we have a little more class than our neighbors on the South Side. We try not to stoop to their level of insults and actually Sox fans, we know it's hard for you to believe, but we could care less. Unless of course you go out of your way to prove to us that you are in fact, inbred meth-head dirty crackers. This year, you didn't even make it past the first game.

On Monday, Nemeth's son had to go, and his father took him to the nearest restroom. They stood in line for the first urinal next to a row of stalls.

Everything seems okay so far, I mean usually fathers at Sox games lead their kids into beatdowns of umpires, but whatever.

As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man's legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door.

"The toes were pointing up," said Nemeth. "The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on."

An overdose from meth, no doubt.

As a trained physician, he had an idea what was happening in there, but he worried it might have been something else.

Like two dudes blowing each other?

"It was bizarre. It caught the attention of a lot of people. I tried to turn my boy's attention away from it, then I thought, ‘Is someone having a seizure?'

Sox fans, easily distracted by loud noises.

"So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That's when I heard a woman's voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!' Something was going on and I had interrupted."

That something: a little bit of bump-and-grind.

Moments later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The tall man held his arms up in triumph.

Just a thought here, but the author of the article, John Kass, sure does go into a detailed description of what the guy looked like. I can't wait till his detailed description of the girl. How big where her breasts, John?

"His arms were straight up, like in victory," Nemeth said. "Everybody was hooting and hollering and giving high-fives."

Congrats, you now have crabs AND so does everyone that just high-fived you.

Then a second person left the stall, someone Nemeth described as apparently female, "scurrying" out of the restroom with a shirt or coat over her head.

WHAT!?! No description, just "apparently female"? Maybe it was gay sex.

"It was disgusting. Probably the most disgusting thing was the encouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom. You can't even go to a baseball game anymore without being subjected to this?"

Hey, with the lack of teeth and the putrid smell of most Sox fans, the only action they usually get is from the whores on 34th street on the way home from the game. Give the guy some credit.

His son began asking questions. Nemeth told him not to worry about it. They finished their business and got out of there.

Wait, now the father and son are doing their business. What kind-of weird orgies do you guys have on the South Side? On second thought, don't answer that.

He went up to a Sox employee and told her about it. By then, the offending couple were long gone.

It seems to me only the father was the offending one. Everyone seemed to enjoy the free show, like I said, Sox fans are so classy.

Go Cubs!

Update: Cubs Fan Fail, so maybe we aren't all that classy after all.

COI Idiotic Series Review: Series I - The Tribe-ulations

2010-04-09T00:33:00.007-07:00

It's not a secret that at COI, we don't like game reviews. As hardcore Cubs fans, well at least fanatic enough to seek out an Idiotic blog like us, you know what happened in the last three games. No, it takes a special few to have an interesting, funny or informative recap. This year, as a break into Idiocy, COI will review the series recap. And similar to the blogs that we prefer, we hope that these posts will be either interesting , funny and informative. At least you can be assured they will be...Idiotic.

Fuck; FUCK; okay, not so bad. I would like to compare the first series of the year as to getting a shot. First, you hate it. The nurse preps you by wiping a cotton ball of alcohol on your skin. It's not that bad, but instantly you expect the worst. This is how Cubs fans felt after the first game of the year. The worst in memory, hell, one of the worst ever. The Cubs broke a lot of records that day...and not the good ones. The ones like where your opponents score the most amount of runs against you in an Opening Day. But as we all freaked out, we still had optimism. Jitters if you will. Hell, this is the "first year". We should be nervous.

Big Z, who looked decent in Spring Training but has a history of horrible Opening Day starts looked like a man on a cotton ball diet. Sure he looks healthy, but give him a chance and he will be shitting cardigans before you know it. I don't think that made any sense... Either way it was classic Z on Opening Day. But the game wasn't all that bad. The Byrdman hit a homer in his first at bat with the Cubs, who managed to come back from Z's meltdown on the mound (although amazingly not in the dugout or clubhouse) until Snark fucked the pillow and put the Cubs out of reach in the first game.

The second game was like the insertion of the needle. Just when you comfortable, you think nothing bad can happen, Grabow jumps in and gives up a homer and the Cubs lose after a brilliant performance from the Bearded Canadian. Painful.

The Byrd, the Byrd, the Byrd is the word...Christ we are lame.

And then you have last night. The relief after knowing it's all over. The Cubs are back. I'm too lazy this late to look up how many shutouts the Cubs had last year, but I'm sure it's no more than former Cubs closer Alfonseca has fingers. Combine that with a long balls by rookie Tyler Colvin (no nickname as of publication) and the Byrdman along with excellent pitching for the most part (at least by Randy Wells, yes that's only one "W" for now) and you have what the Cubs have been missing so far this year. Unfortunately, the 2 homers also showcase what they have been missing...offense. Or defense, or effective middle inning pitching...fuck this is going to be a long season.

Oh yeah, and there was some kid named Heyward. So what?

And so the awards...

COI Idiot of the Series: This has to go to Grabow. Yes, Snark was a close second in the running, but that's mostly ND hate right there. Grabow somehow earned the setup man job and then quickly lost it by losing the game on Wednesday and then walking his first and only batter faced on Thursday. If the Cubs are going to win this year, it will be with it's middle relief who will need to step it up to keep an inept offense close this year. Thank God for Marshall and that Russell kid.

COI Hero of the Series: DUH! The Byrdman has 2 home runs and has already contributed more to this team than "the man who remain nameless" ever did last year. So this pretty much means he is due to be injured by the end of the month, but we can still enjoy it while it lasts.

COI Knock My Dick in the Dirt Award: This award will go to a play, hit, player or whatever is impressive for the series. The first series award goes to Big Z. Sure his Opening Day was horrible, but the old Z would display Gatorade machine beatings, tantrums and more. Maybe this is a new Z. I still think the guy can win at least 15 games this year. Of course, I have been known to be wrong before.

Series I: Lost 1-2.

Go Cubs!

COI's 2010 MLB Predictions

2010-04-04T14:55:00.004-07:00

Disclaimer - Ginger Russ and Lazy Steve have not reviewed these predictions and do not necessarily agree with them. But they are dumb shits so who cares?!?!

So I have decided to make a feeble attempt at predicting the outcome of the 2010 MLB season. I'll likely be just as accurate as all of the overpaid 'analysts' out there but hopefully a little more interesting. First, I will lay out each division with the teams predicted record in order then I will follow it up with a brief summary of how I see things playing out.

NL EAST

Phillies
Braves
Mets
Gnationals
Fishes

Halladay only makes the Phillies better. No offense to Cliff Lee but Halladay is much more valuable to a team over the course of a season. That being said, who knows how he will produce in the post season. This is arguably the most competitive division (most mediocre teams assembled together?) in baseball and if things pan out with Atlanta's young players I could see them hanging in there into late Sept. The Gnats improvements and Florida's propensity to be a massive pain in the ass will keep the wildcard from coming out of the east.

NL CENTRAL

Cubs
Cardinals
Reds
Brewers
Joke #1
Joke #2

Yeah, I am going with the Cubs. Like most knowledgeable baseball fans (ie people who don't work for ESPN) I have no reason to believe that Carpenter/Wainwright will stay healthy like they did last season and don't expect Holliday to keep up his post-trade production. Couple this with the fact that the Cubs should get 130+ games from Aramis and the fact that Soriano WILL NOT be leading off anymore and the Cubs have more than a chance at advancing to the playoffs (where they can then embarrass us again). Oh, did I forget to mention that Milton's gone? Hopefully that reignites the fire in Lou. FYI Seattle...Milton had a great numbers and was not too big of a problem...in Spring Training last year.

Insert Houston and Pittsburgh where you want. Should be fun kicking the heads in of tools like Lance "scardy cat" Berkman. BTW Lance...lightning is going to strike a foul pole or a light standard in that scenario...not some fat fuck standing on the lowest point in the place.

NL WEST

Dodgers
Giants (WC)
DBags
Rockies
Fathers

SF still doesn't have enough offense to overcome the Dodgers. The Dodgers should really perform much better than they did last season with all those young players having another year of experience. And really, how many people don't think that Lincecum's arm is going to eventually fall off? Arizona might have another record setting season on their hands with Mark Renyolds determined to set a strikeout record that the likes of Jose Hernandez could only dream of.

AL EAST

Yankees
Red Sox (WC)
Doesn't matter
Doesn't matter
Doesn't matter

The Rays had their chance 2 seasons ago. The Yankees will again win the division with the Red Sox close on their heels. This will set up another insufferable ALCS in all likely found and unite the rest of America behind whichever NL team advantages to play them.

AL CENTRAL

Twins
White Sox
Tigers
Indians
Royals

This is probably the most boring division in MLB. Other than the guys batting in the middle of the Minnesota lineup these games are largely unwatchable. There is a chance that the White Sox can pass the Twins based solely on the fact that the Twins huge home field advantage is now gone. Seriously guys? Baseball outside in Minnesota...in April? Dumb.

AL WEST

Angels
Rangers
Mariners
A's

I like the Angels not because they improved themselves but because the other teams in their division regressed (IMHO). Seattle can't seriously think that Bradley is going to pull his shit together and lead them to a division championship. If Chicago gets ANYTHING from Silva this season I will be a happy man, especially when Milton makes his first racism accusations around the 2nd week of April. Can the Rangers come up and take the reigns from LA? Sure, but it depends on what they get from Hamilton.

NLDS

Giants over Phillies - Giants front end pitching shuts down the vaunted Philly offense.
Dodgers over Cubs - Is there a reason to think the Cubs can win 1 game? OK, we have one, Carlos Zambrano, who has proved to be the most reliable player beyond game 162.

ALDS

Twins over Yankees - Mauer will eventually get to an ALCS. Why not now?
Red Sox over Angels - Millar rejoins the Sox and continues his unsanctioned Idiocy.

LCS

Giants over Dodgers - Manny is the tying run in game 7 and trips over his stupid fucking hair while attempting to score on a single to left...shrugs it off immediately.
Twins over Red Sox - The Twins, now used to playing in sub zero conditions, out-class the Red Sox in October.

World Series

Twins over Giants - Lincecum's 'forgetfulness' causes him to miss the flight and can't pitch game 1...ruining their plan to pitch him in games 1, 4, and 7. The Giants never recover and the Twins win it all.

Pretty ridiculous stuff right? We shall see. Cubs @ Braves tomorrow at 4ET/1PT.

GO CUBS!

COI Returns, Disapoints the Clublogoverse Yet Again

2010-04-02T17:35:00.004-07:00

April Fools suckers...are you reading this? Real games starting Monday means the only time of the year that I will look forward to a Monday.

Go Cubs!

COI Closes Up Shop, Cublogoverse Hardly Notices

2010-04-01T10:27:00.004-07:00

Well, we had a good run didn't we?

(Cue "Closing Time" by Semisonic)

Unfortunately, I have the bad news to report that after many Firestone Walker DBA's and glasses of scotch that Angry, Lazy and myself have decided to shut down COI following the end of spring training and the beginning of the new season. We determined that we are all too busy to keep you guys informed regularly and that the quality of the posts has been lacking recently. This combined with the fact that even though the Cubs have seen 2 playoffs during our time, that they still have not yet won a playoff game, which we view as our fault. Well, now the Cubs can finally win, because we are all going to our proverbial home.

As for the rumors about COI, Wasting Away in Wrigleyville and Thunder Matt's Saloon merging, that experiment has also ended. They guys over there decided to return to the Pomp Culture format of blogging nothing about the Cubs, and I for one cannot be a part of that.

We hope you all enjoyed COI, now GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

Go Cubs!

Purdue Bloggers...Please STFU!

2010-03-26T22:15:00.002-07:00

All the rah-rah the past few days was needless.

No moral victories like all of the true Cinderellas are enjoying. Purdue got rolled and we knew it was coming. Enjoy the off season and take a break for fucks sake. I loved this team like each of you did but get off the 'us against the world' wagon...it's empty.

Also, I know how each of you have a MASSIVE crush on him but sorry Chris Kramer sucked tonight...he gave us a run against A&M but didn't support the team AT ALL tonight. I think he did a great deal in his career but to put him up there with Drew Brees is foolish.

GO CUBS!

Are You Ready For Cubs Baseball?

2010-03-18T13:09:00.003-07:00

Hey Cubs fans, stop fretting over a new Toyota sign in the bleachers and enjoy the fact that it's spring and (real) Cubs baseball is just around the corner. Until then, enjoy a video of the 2009 Cubs highlights featuring a couple spectacular plays by COI favorite Andy White and an amazing triple by The Murderer, Ted Lilly.

Go Cubs!

Kenney Pulls Out, Mother Claims His Dad Should Have Too

2010-03-17T13:39:00.007-07:00

Doh!

Don't say I didn't warn you. It looks like the Cubs are backing down from the opposition put in place by a couple of teams that disagreed with the proposed eight percent increase in all Cactus League ticket sales. According to Phoenix Business Journal, the Cubs think they can get the funding elsewhere:

But Cubs President Crane Kenney said Thursday that the team does not need the tax to help finance the new stadium. Kenney said the team could finance the stadium through a $1 increase to Maricopa County’s rental car tax, bonding and spending increases to be voted on by Mesa voters.

So where exactly will that money come from?

Alternative funding plans for the Cubs stadium and other Cactus League ballparks include creating special tax districts to help finance stadiums or new taxes on restaurants and satellite television services. Mesa lobbyists Scott Butler and John MacDonald argue those funding mechanisms don’t have support at the Legislature or wouldn’t create enough revenue. Most of the other ideas, they say, have come from lobbyist John Kaites, who represents the White Sox and Seattle Mariners.

So instead of taxing people that actually go to see baseball games, most of whom are tourists, they think they are going to tax the citizens of Arizona?
Yeah, fucking right!

It's been said before, and it looks like it needs to be said again. The Cubs are the number one draw in the Cactus league. They pull in 20% of all the attendance, set league attendance records each year, and yes, bring fans to other ballparks. This past Sunday, the Idiots headed out to Tempe Diablo Stadium to see the Cubs play the Angels. The place was bursting at the seams. You can't tell me they didn't oversell that stadium and that if it was any other team it wouldn't have been half empty.

And then you got Bud Selig sticking his big ass ears in the ring.

"We need to find a solution," said Selig, who visited Scottsdale Stadium during the game between the Milwaukee Brewers and San Francisco Giants.

"We have people working on it. I think we've made some progress. It's a difficult situation. Certainly, everybody wants the Cubs to stay here, including the Cubs."

As Wrigleyville23 has pointed out, Selig's interest is more involved with the Brewers than it is with pleasing the other owners. The Brewers play in a run-down park as well, and their contract expires in 2012, just like the Cubs. If the Cubs do stay in Mesa, the probability of the Brewers moving to Florida is a good one, as Bud's former team will look to get the backlash of freebies that Naples or another Florida city had lined up for the Cubs.

What would Spring Training be without the Cubs, Angry's awesome cooking and craft beer?

At this point, it's a clusterfuck, and god forbid the Cubs actually use some leverage to get a decent stadium built in Mesa. The proposed Cactus League ticket tax was the best way to do this. Sure, some fans will get upset, they complain they already pay $26 to see a couple innings of actual major league talent and they don't want to pay $28. Look, if you're paying for premium seats, that's what you're paying for, not for the talent. We pay for lawn seats and they're just as good, if not more fun.

So instead of pissing off a couple of snow birds, you're going to piss off the entire state? The taxpayers of Arizona WILL NOT vote on any new taxes to pay for the Cubs new stadium.

So grow a pair, Kenney. And if you do hightail it to Florida, don't expect the fans in Arizona to welcome you back when you lose all your Spring Training revenue. Okay, we will welcome you back, but whatever.

Go Cubs, and Happy St. Patty's Day!

The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round...Except When They Don't.

2010-03-16T17:12:00.003-07:00

This special edition post is brought to you by Huggies, designed with you and your happy baby in mind.

As Angry reported it was another successful weekend of Spring Training with the Cubbies. One of highlights was the amount of networking COI was able to do, meeting up with the Heckler crew from Chicago including COI Cubs Cutie, Sarah Spain from No Spain, No Gain. After the game, Lazy and I traveled up to the press box to chat for a brief moments with Tim Sheridan, Hohokam P.A. Announcer and author of Boys of Spring.

In Cubs news, kids are being featured prominently.

The Lilly family welcomed Theodore Roosevelt Lilly IV on Sunday. Despite what is going to be many sleepless nights for the new father, Lilly is still ahead of schedule. I caught him and Rothschild going over his motion before the game Saturday at one of the Hohokam practice fields. I'm no scout, but he was pitching off the mound and didn't seem to have any discomfort. Reports are putting Lilly briefly into a Cactus League game, with a only a couple rehab starts in the minors before he is able to join the team in real, live action come April.

It looks like Lou is going to the kid a chance, as The Riot was named leadoff starting this spring. All jokes aside, Ryan has been hitting great this Spring Training, let's just hope it carries over to when the Cubs head into the regular season and he tries a little less on putting himself on second, as Theriot was only 70% in steals last season.

Finally, our headlining story is that the Cubs bus broke down on the way to Tucson on Sunday. Fortunately for Zambrano and Koyie, Z's cousin was following behind and gave the two a lift so Z could warm up. The team arrived an hour and half later.

Well, that's it for now kiddies, now who a wants an ice cold Capri Sun/Vodka jello shot?

Go Cubs!

New and improved Soto and other items from this past weekend

2010-03-15T21:42:00.006-07:00

So while at the game in Tempe this past Sunday I couldn't help but notice that Geo looks awfully svelte this spring. I knew he dropped weight but holy hell. I actually turned to my friend Jeff and commented, "Is that fucking Soto?" Occasionally I have a potty mouth at games. What of it? I mean am I the only one doubting it's him as he walks to the plate? Dude looks like he worked his ass off this past winter. It's just a shame it takes a mediocre season for these guys to get in that kind of shape for THEIR JOB. Then again, he might have just laid off the grass and subsequent munchies that went with it.

Soto's dramatic weight loss is just one highlight from what turned out be a solid baseball weekend in Arizona. The Idiots had the pleasure of meeting Sarah Spain, the man behind The Heckler, and the crew of countless other Chicagoans they were traveling with on Saturday. The Cubs were in Mesa facing the Reds and COI was rocking a nice tailgate from before 10am until we were kicked out at sunset. We played washers, bags, and drink the beer all day. From there we headed to Sun Devil Wine Cellar were Ginger Russ could barely keep himself propped up. I had a pint of Left Hand Milk Stout that was on point.

Sunday the scene moved to Tempe for Cubs @ Angels. Lazy Steve ditched the crew due to a last second visit by family. We enjoyed a few Deschutes beers while the Cubs battled the halos. Of course the Angels over sold the place to the point of bursting....and these assholes are freaking out about a $1 surcharge to help keep the Cubs. Fucking greedy morons. Post-game found us at Four Peaks Brewing where I was reminded (again) of why I like San Tan Brewing way more than Four Peaks.

All in all it was a great weekend. Next weekend sees my parents come to town to take in a few games with us. Ginger's parents will be in too so next Saturday's tailgate figures to be packed. Nothing like sun, beer, good people, and baseball on a March day near Phoenix. Anyone in Chicago who hasn't been to Spring Training yet is really missing out.

Next Idiotic game: Angry Mike visits Camelback Ranch for the Cubs @ Sox game this Friday

COI Spring Training Weekend #2

2010-03-12T12:26:00.005-07:00

Is there anything more perfect than this? Well, I guess I could be getting a
handy from Lazy at while watching the game.

It's another Cubs packed weekend for the Idiots. Tomorrow we head out to Hohokam for another round of tailgating, craft brews, pork-filled delights and rounds of cornhole (the washer toss game, not the bean bag one). The Cubs b-team will take on the Dusty Baker Communists while the a-team will be finishing the second round of the cross-town classic in Vegas. Unfortunately, the only Vegas experience the Idiots will be having this year happened during the annual post-game trip to Casino Arizona last Saturday. The hangovers will then be drunk away on Sunday as we head to Tempe to see the Angels and black latino player hating Torii Hunter (the extra "i" is for "idiot").

Speaking of Idiots, is it a good thing or a bad thing that the big spring training news this year is that the former Cubs outfielder who will remain nameless can't shut his trap about how bad a baseball town Chicago is? I won't go into any rants or raves about it on this forum, if you want that check one of the other many less popular blogs out there. Hope you have some time while you're there, cause they basically outline every goddamn mistake that said player made while in Chicago. I'm not supporting the guy or anything, but isn't this basically what he wants - people talking about him? I think One Minute Cubs said it the best that Chicago was a perfect fit, he just blew his load a little early.

Chicago has a lot of media and fans who will listen to the sh*t dribbling out of his mouth. Heck, even now that he's gone, he's still getting airwaves on Chicago's dime. The NY Post, or Times, or whatever (it's all F'ing New York), and now ESPN are giving Milton the opportunity to continue to spout his drivel, because in Seattle, no one pays attention long enough to care. What Milton didn't realize was, he blew his load too soon.

He had a full three years to spout, and could've gone on unabated if he'd just paced himself. Ya know? Year one could've been about how uncomfortable he was, then year two, he could've brought up how no one in the club house likes him. By year three, his walk year, he could've brought up the racist hype and honestly, even after he resigned somewhere else with someone who could "change" him, he would've so incensed the crowd here he could've ridden that train until 2020 - on 20/20 no less.

Too bad we missed all that...

If no news is good news this year, I hope it's not the type of news that your doctor keeps from you until it's terminal. "We're sorry Ginger, but that lump is cancer. We would have told you sooner, but you just seemed so optimistic." It's pretty obvious that this is going to be an experimental year for Lou and not just because his hand is forced by injuries. The amount of playing time the youngsters Castro, Vitters and Colvin are receiving during Spring Training is a sign that Lou is open to playing the hot hand this year, regardless of experience.

On a bad note, the Cubs have already had a handful of injuries this Spring Training and things don't seem to be getting any better. Guzman might have not only season-ending ligament surgery on his throwing shoulder, but could very easily be done for his career. COI and Ginger favorite Andy White is out with a mild knee sprain for a couple weeks. Nady was expected to be ready for the start of the regular season after coming off Tommy John surgery, but projections put him as late as June for a return. The only positive is that TRL is ahead of schedule and throwing off the mound.

Beer brats and grilled onions, just one of the tasty delights cooked up by resident chef, Angry.

Well, it looks like the weather will hold up this weekend, as last weekend was rain shortened on Sunday. It's been some wicked cool and wet weather this Spring (did I just turn into a Bostonian?). Maybe mother nature is trying to show fans what a trip to Florida would be like if the Cubs were to move to Naples for Spring Training (it's not locked up yet, folks, the team could still move). Either way, the Idiots and Cubs fans will enjoy a sun (and beer) soaked weekend.

BTW, if you are looking for the most in-depth coverage of the actual games (that really isn't our thing), head on over to Boys of Spring, written by Hohokam P.A. Announcer and overall great guy, Tim Sheridan. Don't worry, we won't feel bad if you leave.

Go Cubs!

Ginger's iPod: Broken Bells

2010-03-11T15:30:00.004-07:00

I don't purchase many new albums. In a rock music landscape full of self-loathing, skinny jeans and makeup wearing hipsters, it's hard to find anything new and good these days. The last album I bought that I thought was worth a damn was the Yeah Yeah Yeah's "It's Blitz". But I recently found something worthy enough to add into my regular rotation.

Broken Bells self-titled debut album came out this Tuesday and through the urging of many of the "music" guys at EOC I picked it up and haven't put it down. The duo consists of the Shins frontman, James Mercer, and hit-maker extraordinaire, Brian Baker aka DJ Danger Mouse, who has worked with a variety of artists from Beck to Gorillaz to the Black Keys. He is most notably known for another paired partnership with Cee-Lo Green in the group Gnarls Barkley.

So what does it sound like when a progressive producer and the lead singer/songwriter of a pop friendly get together? Surprisingly the result is a melodic, beat heavy, chorus driven style that is as catchy as it is fresh. But I'm really not that good at all this review stuff, so let's let Rolling Stone describe the album:

It turns out the two pop-science geeks are a perfect match. Danger Mouse pushes Mercer's gorgeous, existential tunecraft outward with Day-Glo dynamics. "'Cause they know, and so do I/The high road is hard to find," Mercer sings on the opening chorus of Bells. The lyrics are about the loneliness of decision-making — they may refer to life in the trenches of normalcy, or, perhaps, to Mercer's recent professional decisions (he more or less fired two members of the Shins). But what sweeps you up are the sweet, ascending verses, the rolling chorus and the Danger Mouse touches: analog-synth swirls, slo-mo kick drums, a melancholy bass line — hip-hop for turned-on shut-ins.

Cool variations on the Gnarls formula — Danger and a quirkily excellent singer making arty, transcultural pop — run throughout the album. "Vaporize" begins with Mercer's fey workaday voice and a strummed acoustic, then takes off with smeared snares, bouncy organ and a jaunty Bacharach-David-style horn break. It's punchier than the Shins, and livelier than you'd expect from a song whose title suggests innovative marijuana consumption — an anthem of solidarity for malcontents, teenage and otherwise, not unlike "Crazy." The catchy, midtempo "The Ghost Inside" even has Mercer singing in a T-Pained falsetto — it's not hard to imagine it on the hit parade, along with the soaring, U2-flavored "October."

Broken Bells isn't all crossover ambition. Tracks like "Your Head Is on Fire" — a drum-machine space waltz floating between Syd Barrett and something from Brian Eno's Another Green World — won't make the short list of Glee covers. But with a new Shins record reportedly brewing, Mercer seems to be following some of the instructions in his own songs: Life is short, brother — go for it. The introverted indie guy isn't gone, and he's still not afraid to tell you that we're ultimately alone on this journey. "If you want to follow me, you should know," he sings. "I was lost then/And I'm lost now/And I doubt I'll ever know which way to go." Maybe. But for the moment, in Danger Mouse, Mercer has found a promising fellow traveler.

If you like anything that Danger Mouse has produced, this is a definite purchase. It's not so much the Shins as it as genius record sung (and co-wrote) by the guy from the Shins. I picked up the MP3 CD off amazon.com for $4.99 (unfortunately it is now back to regular pricing), which made it even a better deal. If you're one of those "oldies" that want's something tangible, swing by your local record store, or pick it while getting picking up your coffee at Starbucks you fucking hipster.

And, Go Cubs!

Not many douchebags? I beg to differ.

2010-03-08T21:47:00.006-07:00

The guys pictured above were part of a group that acted like the typical toolbag Cub fans that you would expect to see stumbling around Wrigleyville all day on Saturday. Dude in the blue shirt even has a shirt that is pretty much ripping off a fellow bloggers site.

You might be asking yourself, Angry Mike, why are you being so hard on these guys? It's pretty simple. They only find their way out of the woodwork for weekend games against teams like the White Sox. This is no surprise considering 1 in 4 of the morons is a Sox fan. Went to the game on Thursday and groups like this were no where to be seen. Was a pretty good day. Anyway, I am not going to give much more attention to these jerks. Just felt like throwing a couple of them under the bus. Thanks for keeping things classy guys!

To recap, the Idiots made it to the games Thurs thru Sat. Lazy Steve and myself made it to the opening game on Thursday to enjoy some ribeye sandwiches and delicious brews at the tailgate while Ginger attended on Friday. We consolidated things on and all made it to the white wash that was Saturday's game where I was grilling some Fat Tire brats from the famous Pork Shop. Here are some of the pics...

Yeah, this last guy wasn't having a very good day on Thursday. We are just getting into the swing of things so I should compile some better picture and possibly some video this upcoming weekend. Again, the Idiots will be in attendance for both weekend games. Expect to see Ginger posting intermittently with some footage and thoughts as well.

Tomorrow we get back to some non-Spring Training related issues. Until then...

GO CUBS!

Happy Opening Day Arizona Cubs Fans!

2010-03-04T11:10:00.004-07:00

As I write this, 2/3 of COI (Angry and Lazy) are over at Hohokam Park tailgating for the Spring Training Opener against the Oakland A's. Right now I'm sure they're drinking a cold IPA and tossing washers while listening to some Wilco. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend the opening day tradition with the other Idiots, but luckily will be making it out to Mesa the next couple days for clear skies, 70 degree weather, cold beers and of course baseball.

Today, rookie phenom Randy WWWWWWWWWWWWells (that's a W for each win last year, we can reset it after the real beginning of the season) takes the mound for the first pitch, although Lou will showcase much of his bullpen including Marshall, Mathes, Parisi and Caridad to see how they can help the club this year. Lou will also feature what we can only assume will be his Opening Day lineup, sans Fonzie in left who is still working on getting 100% healthy. Tomorrow Big Z will get the nod, followed by Fatty Shamu, Carlos Silva, on Saturday.

Yep, folks, it's the greatest time of the year around these parts. No doubt COI will keep you updated from the front lines. The greatest part of Spring Training (besides the tailgating, great weather and scantily clad women) is that you get to see these guys really having fun. Sure, some of the players are fighting for their jobs, but this year Lou's lineup is pretty well set, with only a couple question marks on the bench and in the pen.

And the laid back atmosphere translates to the crowd as well. You will be hard pressed to find your "classic" douchebag Cubs fan, especially during the tailgating or if you choose to sit in the lawn section. One example is a couple years ago I forgot to bring the rolls for our pork tenderloin sandwiches during the tailgate. No problem, I went out searching. Within five minutes I returned, not only with buns in hand, but also an ice cold beer someone happily gave me.

So welcome back Spring and the Boys in Blue! Keep tuned for highlights (and low lights) from COI.

Go Cubs!

Lagunitas and Brew Dog doing CRAYZAY good things!

2010-03-03T21:34:00.006-07:00

So many of our readers are probably from the Chicago area. Assuming that's true, most of you are familiar with Wilco and might be big fans. I certainly am. After moving to Arizona in 2003 I started getting cozy with the local West Coast breweries. One of the best being Lagunitas. The two are joined for one of Lagunitas 2010 limited releases. Now I haven't tried this brew yet, but it's from the guys out of Petaluma, California so it has to be the money.

Found another gem the other day on Facebook. Have you ever wanted to buy your Mom personalized beer for Mother's Day but couldn't find a brewery to fill your need. Yeah, me too. Well wait no further. Those insane Scots that brought us Tactical Nuclear Penguin are filling the Mother's Day beer market as of now.

Oh, in unrelated news, tomorrow is the Cubs first Spring Training game. Angry Mike and Lazy Steve will be there documenting (50/50 chances at best) things. Check out our Twitter feed for in game updates.

GO CUBS!

The State of COI - It's All Good

2010-03-02T21:10:00.003-07:00

Yeah it's me again. Crazy right? Two days in a row has to be some sort of a damn record for me (not really). I told you all that the upcoming season has me inspired.

A lot of you probably heard that Ginger Russ has joined Exile on Clark. What does that mean for COI? Less posting by Russ most likely. It also means I will be piping up more. You can count on nothing but regression with regards to the site's graphics as I am not a graphics designer and I don't have the time to learn that shit. I'll try to be as engaging as possible but I make no promises any of you will like it. To be honest I could care less. My vision for this blog was to provide an outlet for 3 pent up Cubs fans. It was NOT started to write witty bullshit about topics that have nothing to do with...well...anything. Russ and I (sometimes Steve when he's hammered) are a good balance when we have things going well but I think I can stand on my own if needed.

So, in a nutshell, if you enjoy the following you should keep tuning into COI:

If you like none of those, how the hell did you find yourself on our site anyway?

PEACE!
GO CUBS!

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - Hohokam Park

2010-03-01T21:21:00.006-07:00

Finally got to Hohokam. Honestly I didn't feel like posting this tonight but the season is inspiring me. Lazy Steve and I will be attending the Cubs opening Spring Training game on Thursday (yes I will have pics) so lets review the good times there is to be had at Hohokam Park in sunny Mesa, Arizona.

Where to be pre-game...

There is only one place to be before a game at Hohokam, outside the stadium enjoying a tailgate party. Most of you are probably saying, "But Angry Mike, we don't live in Arizona and lack the required equipment to host a proper tailgate." Excuses. Who said you can't stop at a local store, pick up some good beer, and camp out for an hour before the game? Usually, friendly Cubs fans like myself will ask you to play washers (cornhole? whatever). If you are interested in stopping by a COI sanctioned tailgate send us an email.

Stadium experience...

Hohokam is the most entertaining park you will stop at in the Cactus League. A lot of this has to do with the morons you will find inside. A COI favorite has been this asshole that wears a jersey that says "cursed" on the back. Yeah, wear it like a badge of honor dick. Needless to say, we at COI enjoy the opportunity to ridicule self-loathing Cubs fans.

The beer selection is a bit limited but they have some decent bombers. Generally we load up on good beer on the tailgating fields so we throw back a couple $8 margaritas from the Dos Gringos stand. They aren't that great but they hit the spot when the sun is blazing.

Typically we buy general admission lawn seats and walk around the park as the game progresses. Some of the volunteers that work there like harassing us when we stand at the railings watching the game. They have nothing better to do.

All-in-all this is just a good game to see a game whether you are a kid looking for a good time, a family guy bringing the kids to the game, or a baseball aficionado.

Where to be post-game...

The hidden gem of this area has got to be the Sun Devil Wine Cellar. Most bone heads will tell you to head to Sluggo's after a Cubs ST game, but again, most Cubs fans are bone heads. SDWC has 3 rotating taps of premium beer and 3 wall coolers of bottles to compliment them. They also feature a huge selection of wine that they will cork for a nominal fee. On top of that they have about 18 selections by the glass.

If you think you are in the wrong place as you approach Sun Devil Liquors don't doubt yourself. It doesn't look like much from the outside. Just walk through the awesome beer/liquor store up top to the staircase downstairs.

Just beyond the bar is a lounge that is perfect for larger groups. The couches feel pretty good after a long day at the ballpark.

Restaurants? Check out Los Dos Molinos after the game (about 4 miles away). Have to be prepared for some hot New Mexican food but you will love it. Another option is Ra Sushi (about 8 miles away) if you don't mind heading down US-60 a bit.

I hope some of you guys make it down for what I call the best month of the year in Arizona. Give us a holler and we will see if we can't arrange some tailgate or bar time.

GO CUBS!

You Make the Call: Ginger Russ or Ginger Russ

2010-02-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Remember Cubs fans, Spring Training games start this week! If you happen to see me out at one of the games, give me a holler (I will probably be wearing my "Drunk" jersey). I might even buy you an Old Style...might.

Go Cubs!

Curious Case of the Cubs Calendar

2010-02-26T17:54:00.004-07:00

Last year I discussed on multiple occasions the 2009 Cubs calendar I received from my mother (a Sox fan, who no doubt put a curse on it) for Christmas of 2008. It started out that many of the players featured on the calendar were traded by the time the beginning of the season had rolled around and ended up predicting the Cubs long string of injuries, amazingly with such accuracy as the featured player of the month would inevitably be on the DL at least for part of that month (longest sentence, EVER). This year, I skipped the Cubs calendar, instead my girlfriend bought me a Bears desk calendar instead.

But the Cubs are still prone to injury and Cubs players are already falling right and left. Ted Lilly will inevitably start the season on the DL, Soriano came into camp "not 100%", Angel Guzman is having shoulder problems after offseason knee surgery and Theriot was hit in the wrist by a 95 mile hour fastball by one of our youngster during batting practice. So I decided to do some research on this year's Cubs Calendar, put out by the good folks at Turner Licensing (who are also probably Sox fans, although by the name they may be Braves fans). As you can see above, here is the back of the calendar. Unfortunately, the quality is hardly the best and the Idiots still have not received our CSI enhancing software, but we can take guesses as good as the next guy.

The calendar starts out with Ted Lilly in January. That one was obvious, as it was probably already known by the designers that he would start the year off injured. The other Cubs are a little bit harder to distinguish, but it looks as if the order may be this:

February - Zambrano
March - Soto
April - Ramirez
May - Rich Harden (no longer on the team)
June - Unknown player
July - Theriot
August - Lee
September - Soriano
October - Dempster
November - Sweet Lou
December - Fukudome

So expect these guys to be injured or traded during the year.

Go Cubs!

Ricketts To The Cubs: We Are Family

2010-02-24T11:50:00.002-07:00

From the Muskat:

Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts met with the players and staff prior to Tuesday's first full squad workout at Fitch Park. It was his first address as the Cubs owner.

"There were two messages," Ricketts said. "One is, it's a family ownership now and we want everyone to feel like they're part of the family. The second message is we're very excited to get the season started. We feel we had a terrific offseason and we have great players and great coaches and we should have a great year."

Ricketts said he could sense the serious commitment by players, many of whom showed up early in camp. Some of the players have said it's nice to have an actual person to communicate with as far as the team owner goes.

"Well, I pride myself on being an 'actual person,'" Ricketts said, smiling. "One of the messages is we're around and if there's anything we can be doing better, let us know. The fans will see us, too. We are fans and we'll be part of the fabric at Wrigley this year. We'll be around and accessible to both the players, fans and the coaches."

Enjoy the video. Go Cubs!

Big Z or Peavy - Who Will Have More Wins In 2010?

2010-02-23T18:06:00.004-07:00

Earlier today via FB, I had a discussion with a friend (and Sox fan) about who would end the 2010 season with more wins - Carlos Zambrano or Jake Peavy.

Unfortunately for the Cubs, at the beginning of last year and even up until the trade deadline, this would have been a win-win situation. If you remember, rumors were flying that the Cubs would be Peavy's new home after needing to be traded out of San Diego. But then it turned out that he was dealt to the South Siders, only to then learn that Peavy evoked his no-trade clause and refused the trade. After a little bit of negotiations, the Sox were finally able to land Peavy just before the trade deadline. Arm intact, but still ginger, Peavy pitched for only three games with the Sox.

Today, Big League Stew took to breaking down what kind of difference Peavy will make for the Sox this year. One of the concerns is obviously his health. Peavy has made only 43 starts over the past two seasons. He also benefited from pitching in the friendlier Petco Park, which may skew his stats. A stat-fag figured out that if Peavy would have pitched at the Cell last year, rather than in San Diego, he would have had a 4.22 ERA and 5-5 record, which makes him more of an average pitcher than a great one.

So what can be said about Big Z? Coming off the worst year of his career since becoming the Cubs ace, Carlos has also had his share of injury problems as of late. There was also speculation that the Cubs were looking to deal the hot-headed pitcher elsewhere during the trade deadline and even Carlos himself joked about retirement. Fortunately, Zambrano is still a Cub, and he has come into camp trimmer and with a fresh attitude. He claims to have changed his ways mentally and physically, although this isn't a new story for El Toro Loco.

As the Cubbie Doctor's Examiner points out, Carlos has a knack of making bold predictions for the year (claiming the Cy Young a couple times), but then falling short during the season. While health was a major concern for the pitcher last season, one thing that can't be overlooked is the lack of run support Zambrano got last year. That, coupled with the stress of being the Cubs go-to pinch hitter, led to more than a couple blow ups on and off the field, so much as the Cubs forcing an early retirement for it's new Gatorade machine.

So the question is, can both pitchers stay healthy, and if they can, who will be more effective? To most occasional fans, wins and losses determine a pitcher's worth. To a more experienced fan, we look at stats like ERA, innings pitched, WHIP and OppBB. So who is to say who will have the better record? There are plenty of variables outside the control of each pitcher that will determine who has a higher number in the "W" column at the end of the season. Regardless, I think both pitchers are more worried about putting a "W" in their team's record, rather than their own.

Go Cubs!

Rain, Rain, Go Away ...No Seriously, Your Smile Is Creeping Me Out.

2010-02-22T18:10:00.004-07:00

"Who the hell is that goofy looking chick?" you may be asking yourself, and "What does this have to do with the Cubs?"

Well, folks, that is Rain Phoenix, sister to her more well known brothers, Joaquin and River Phoenix. See, it's been raining in the Valley of Sun since Saturday, which I assume the Cubs players packed with them on their way out here to Arizona. So when I entered, "rain, Phoenix" into google in order to get a picture of rain in Phoenix, I instead found out that Rain Phoenix is actually a person. So there you go.

Along with the rain, the colder temperatures have also returned. I was forced to wear jeans today, after vowing last Wednesday that I was giving them up for Lent. And no, I still wear pants in the form of shorts, and yes, I am allowed to wear shorts to work, this IS Arizona mind you. Today (presumably) the last of the Cubs arrived to Arizona and full team practices are scheduled to begin tomorrow with real games (as real as Spring Training games are anyway) beginning next Thursday. Let's hope we get all this wet and cold weather out of our system by then.

A couple notes–

Ryan Theriot is in fact not worth the 267,557 extra McRib sandwiches he thought he was worth. The arbitration hearing between the Cubs and The Riot was held in Florida on Saturday and the judges agreed that the Cubs offer was closer to Ryan's actual worth. Theriot will make $2.6 million this year, a substantial jump from the half million he has made the previous 2 years with the Cubs.

Fortunately for the Cubs, following the hearing The Riot didn't go all Milton Bradley and complain, complain, complain. Both Theriot and Hendry had only good things to say about each other with Ryan saying the meeting was very informative, but "long and boring", while Hendry saying it was more of a philosophical-type case than an actual disagreement.

Is that Kevin Costner getting ready for Field of Dreams II? Nope, just Cubs Idiot, Kevin Millar. Photo by Tim at Boys of Spring.

On the Arizona front, while COI claims to be "Your Unofficial 2010 Cubs Spring Training Blog", another blogger has been trying to upstaged us, both in content, insight, pictures and everything else surrounding the Cubs Spring Training. He has even gotten endorsements from a variety of other blogs and even the Sun Times. Tim Sheridan is the P.A. Announcer for Hohokam Stadium, where the Cubs play their home games in the Cactus League, and the author of the blog, Boys of Spring. You would think someone so close to the Cubs would be a little better at writing a blog, but we suggest you just steer clear of his site. It's ill-informed, the photos look like they were taken by a six year old and Tim is a horrible writer.

Okay, we're just kidding. In truth, you really should check out Boys of Spring. Tim follows the Cubs from Fitch park everyday and his both presence during the games gives him insight into the Cubs and Spring Training that you won't find from any other blogs, including this one. And the guy is pretty nice to boot, as he let the Idiots take a tour of the press box and his awesome view of the game as the P.A. Announcer after a game last year. Plus, if you're looking for great photos from Spring Training, Tim is your man, as he posts at least 6 -10 each day that show not only the workouts the players go through, but also some of the less serious times they have.

Well, that's all for now. Now get the hell of my lawn, Rain, before I open an umbrella, or something!

Now That’s Chutzpah - Cubs New Facility Has More Opposition

2010-02-18T11:44:00.007-07:00

So the Cubs are getting their new park in Mesa? Hardly. As predicted here first, (I told all you happy-go-luckies to calm down, didn't I?) the Cubs new spring training facility is getting opposition from, well, just about everyone.

Despite the legislation clearing the Arizona House Commerce Committee by a vote of 6-2, it looks as though there is going to be a long and hard fight to get the funding needed for the projected $84 million site dubbed, "Wrigleyville West".

First into the ring, the car rental companies. This one is obvious. A proposed increase would raise the taxes of car rentals by $1 in a state that already has some of the highest rental taxes in the nation. This seems to makes sense why they would be pissed, until you think about the alternatives that tourists would face. Will they take cabs or the bus instead? Or maybe even rent a bicycle? Or...walk? Come, on! Seriously, this tax is hurting only the tourists, who will still flock to Mesa to see the Cubs play regardless. Sorry, it's a small price to pay to keep the Cubs and it's not effecting the local taxpayers. And what if the Cubs do leave? You think those car rental companies are going to have as good of business in March as before? Let's get realistic, people.

Next up are the other Cactus League teams, who oppose the 8% surcharge per ticket to pay for the complex. Cubs fans are used to being ripped off, especially when it comes to ticket prices. One needs only look as far the Cubs 20% increase in "pre-sale" ticket prices for regular season games. But other teams are used to their fans getting their tickets at regular price, if not for a discount.

Here's where the hypocrisy lies though, the teams that are complaining, mainly the White Sox and D-Bags, got money from the government and from increased taxes as well. It's not like they paid out-of-pocket for their new stadiums. Let's let an article from the East Valley Tribune's former editor, Jim Ripley describe the shenanigans these teams are throwing out there, as I am just blind with rage:

“Unfair” was the most used word of the day by opponents who argued it was unfair to raise the cost of all Cactus League tickets for the benefit of the Cubs.

But fairness is in the eye of the beholder and one could ask if it is fair that so much of the Arizona Tourism and Sports Authority public money is going to the West Valley for the Cardinals’ stadium and other projects and so little is coming to the East Valley.

Arizona Diamondbacks representative Tom Dorn chided Mesa and the Cubs for its ballgame ticket surcharge and car rental tax solution. He proudly pointed out the Diamondbacks’ had avoided being a burden on others by getting the Salt River Pima Maricopa Indian Community to build a Cactus League stadium for them and the Colorado Rockies.

Now that’s chutzpah or worse—from a team whose downtown Phoenix stadium was 71 percent publicly financed, including a quarter cent sales tax levied on taxpayers throughout the county, not just in Phoenix.

We got ours. The heck with Mesa and the Cubs.

Lawmakers were unimpressed as they noted that by playing on Indian community land, fan purchases would not be subject to sales taxes.

Finally into the ring, a late addition and a man who had previously lobbied for the Cubs to stay in Mesa, former COI Idiot of the Moment (and contender for COI Idiot of FOREVER) Bud Seilg.

GOD FUCKING HELL CHRIST SHIT MOTHER FUCKER STOP YOU FUCKING IDIOT! YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO KEEP THE CUBS! IT WILL KEEP MLB FANS IN ARIZONA! THEY MIGHT EVEN GO TO A BREWERS GAME! YOU OWN...YOUR DAUGHTER OWNS THAT TEAM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!

Sorry about that. Okay, let's hear what the genius had to say?

Scottsdale Attorney Patrick Ray, who spoke on Selig’s and MLB’s behalf, said he was only called on Tuesday to represent the commissioner and the league.

He acknowledged that he was late to the party when committee members asked if MLB had engaged in discussions prior to the writing of House Bill 2736. He said he had set up a meeting for later in the day with a deputy Mesa city manager.

Well, that makes sense. So why is he opposing it again?

As you can see, the process will take much more time and many more hurdles than expected. And don't count out that the Ricketts won't just entirely jump ship and move the team to Naples, FL. Sources close to the family say they have businesses and vested interests in Florida that would benefit them more financially than keeping the team in Arizona.

I know for most of you, you really don't care and a trip to Florida in March is just as exciting as a trip to Arizona, probably even cheaper. But for those of us who live in the Valley, some of whom actually moved here partly because of the Cubs, it would be devastating. And not only for us fans, but for the economy of Mesa and Arizona as well, which can hardly lose up to $150 million a year in revenue generated by Cubs fans.

Go Cubs!

And So It Begins...

2010-02-17T11:46:00.005-07:00

Photo courtesy of Hohokam PA Announcer, Tim Sheridan's blog, Boys of Spring

Happy P & C Day!

Yep, it's finally here, the start of the 2010 World Series Champion Chicago Cubs season, at least for those of us who live in the Valley of the Sun. For those of you still stuck in the cold and wintery Midwest, we feel for you ...oh who are we kidding, there are many reasons why Arizona is Chicago West, and the weather that we are just starting to feel is one of those. But enough about sunshine, mid-70s temperatures and blue skies, we're here to talk about the Cubs.

Unlike the last couple years, the starters and bullpen are pretty much set this year. No one competing for a closer position. No questions about a closer becoming a starter. Nope, the only real concern is who will fill in for Cubs team badass, Theodore Roosevelt Lilly (aka TRL, aka the Lillyhammer, aka the Rough Rider, aka the Serial Killer) until he is done rehabbing his shoulder following surgery last November. In a report on Cubs.com this morning, the Tedinator may be even more superhuman than we once thought. His target is Opening Day.

"It feels pretty strong. I expect to be ahead of schedule, whatever schedule comes out. I think the real test is first, when you get on the mound and start throwing downhill off the slope and after that when you get into a game situation and you try to really dial it up with runners in scoring position or whatever it is -- that's when you find out how healthy you really are."

According to the Muskrat, the contenders for Lilly's spot if he isn't ready to go includes Jeff Samardzija, Tom Gorzelanny, Sean Marshall and Rule 5 Draft pick Michael Parisi. And no, that's not the same Rule 5 we kept around all of last year. Guzman has also been rumored to be in the mix, but questions about his injuries and durability make that option far fetched. Oh yeah, and that Carlos Silva guy. How can we forget that brilliant pickup?

So throw back a cold Old Style and let Spring Training begin! Keep tuned to COI for all your Spring Training news, on and off the diamond.

Go Cubs!

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - Scottsdale Stadium

2010-02-15T16:47:00.007-07:00

Ah yes, Scottsdale, Arizona. A fertile land full of cougars, money grubbing bitches, and over-tanned douchebags. Perfect place for an MLB Spring Training site right? Actually, you would be shocked at how fun a game at Scottsdale stadium can be.

Last season's Idiotic Adventure to Scottsdale involved watching the Boilers get pounded by UCONN in the Sweet 16 at a bar in Tempe before heading up to Scottsdale. Long story short, last year's only night game for the Cubs was called in the 8th due to gale force winds. You heard me right, they stopped playing because it was too windy. They actually had to close the Dos Gringos stand out in the left field grassy knoll for fear the sign would fall on the patrons. Cold and windy but Angry Mike felt no pain thanks to the excellent beer selection at the stadium. I think Ginger was the only guy that actually noticed the elements (since he DD'ed). Reminds me of a Cubs game against the Cards I almost missed a few years back if not for God intervening and bringing 50mph winds to Chicago.

I digress....

Where to be pre-game...

It's pretty main stream but I recommend The Yard House for a pre-game beer or 5. You will be hard pressed to find an establishment with more taps in the Valley. That doesn't mean they have the best beer compilation (that goes to Papago and Taste of Tops) but you will find something from just about any region in the country to suit your taste. The Yard House is located just northwest of the stadium at the intersection of Scottsdale and Camelback (1-2 miles away). It's inside the big ass mall.

Stadium experience...

Scottsdale Stadium has the second best atmosphere, only trailing Hohokam Stadium. The Giants seem to draw well (maybe this is because I only go when they play the Cubs) and their fans are generally pleasant and informed. Scottsdale has BY FAR the best beer selection in the Cactus League featuring draft Sierra Nevada and Anchor as well as bottles. They sport a Dos Gringos stand reminiscent of the stand at Hohokam which both Lazy Steve and Ginger Russ heart more than they should. All-in-all a fun place to watch a game. If you are going to venture to a stadium other than Hohokam make Scottsdale your choice.

Where to be post-game...

I think I would be letting the other Idiots down if I didn't mention everyone favorite Indian casino. Casino Arizona at McKellips is located southwest of the stadium off the Loop 101 at McKellips (approx 5 miles away). This place has been a favorite of the Idiots over the years and has been surprisingly loose with the payouts...at least at the blackjack tables.

If games of chance aren't your thing I recommend heading down to Papago Brewing which I mentioned in the Phoenix Muni guide (approx 3 miles away). You really can't go wrong with that place.

If you happen to be into wine, check out Kazimierz World Wine Bar or their sister restaurant Cowboy Ciao (both about 1 mile away). Should be able to find something you like amongst their 3200 options.

Well that's it for Scottsdale. I will try to get the Hohokam guide up by the end of next weekend. Trying to hurry so I can begin planning for the first tailgate in Mesa on 3/4.

GO CUBS!

Cubs Fan Fail: Al Yellon Goes Ass to Mouth

2010-02-11T17:30:00.005-07:00

WOW...just...WOW! Don't see it? Look what D-Lee's head is covering up.

It's no secret that I, along with millions of others in the Cublogoverse, hate Al Yellon's fucking guts, so this is pretty funny, being that Al is the Editor this fine trash. Personally, I don't how you actually get this past the editors. Too busy with their heads up their asses?

I am a graphic designer by trade and have done a couple of book and magazine covers. The whole "cover up the title with the picture" thing is not new and sometimes has hilarious consequences, but this is one of the best in my personal experiences. Let me tell you though, I'm pretty sure the designer of this cover did this on purpose, just to see if he (or she, there are some lady designers) could get it all the way to the printing, which it apparently did. Probably a Sox fan.

Also hilarious are some of the comments on the BCB site in reference to the slip, and one thing I in particular noticed about the quote that Al puts under each of his own comments: "You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra.

You can observe a lot, Al. Like a dork like yourself being so wrapped up in your little Cubs world, you fail to notice the obvious.

Some other comments poke fun at the cover:

• Maybe I'll probe through it.
• That is some crack reporting.
• This issue probes deeply and can sometimes be a bit rough, but it comes through in the end.
• Will it be delivered to my back door? (by a woman, no less)
• Is this issue #2?

I'm sure this cover will make it's way to Deadspin and Fail blog eventually. Thanks, Al, for once again making us Cubs fans look like Idiots.

Go Cubs!

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - VEGAS, BABY!

2010-02-09T16:51:00.004-07:00

Not many people realize it, but each Spring Training the Cubs play just a little bit north of the valley in the greatest city in the world, Las Vegas. Since this tour around the Cactus League stadiums is Angry's baby, I decided to feature the park that isn't technically a CL venue, but for a couple of days each year is infested by Cubs fans from around the world, hungry for baseball, gambling, drinking and maybe a show of the "scandalous" variety.

This year, the Cubs play a couple of split squad games against the White Sox on March 12th and 13th. The stadium is Cashman Field, home of the Las Vegas 51s, the Pacific Coast League, Triple-A affiliate of the Toronto Blue Jays. The park is located just North of Downtown: the smaller, older and seedier section of Vegas.

Where to be pre-game...

A cab ride from the strip will cost about $30, but drinks and food are not cheap at the park so I suggest you tailgate back near your hotel, which we are assuming is the dirty but cheap Hooters Hotel and Casino, because honestly, who goes to Vegas to sit around in a hotel room? If you're attending the game on Thursday, which starts at 8pm, your tailgating will involve pretty much whatever casino is playing hot. Just try not to lose all your money before the game, because unlike the tables, the drinks aren't free at the stadium.

For the second day, a nice breakfast to help cure your hangover would be good (or if you haven't been to sleep yet, you probably haven't eaten in a while either). I suggest the Raffles Cafe at the Mandalay Bay or if you're in the mood for something lighter, JJ's Boulangerie at the Paris offers a wide variety of freshly made pastries and a tasty cup of joe. You also can never go wrong at America in New York, New York.

Stadium experience...

The park holds around 15,000, which is considerably more than most of the other Spring Training facilities. Since this is cross-town rivalry matchup, the atmosphere is electric, although you will see mostly Cubs fans (White Sox fans can't afford to travel). The stadium is nice from my recollection (I was pretty drunk both times). I remember it was difficult to get a beer, as there were no vendors, but if you wanted to pay $10+ for a mixed drink, it was pretty quick. The night atmosphere is obviously a little more raucous than the day game. The food outside was better than the food inside.

Where to post game...

The night game gets out pretty late, at least by Spring Training standards (by Vegas standards it's still pretty early). A cab ride back to the North end of the strip will be cheaper, although leave around the 7th inning or so as finding one at the end of the game will be impossible (like at the casinos, you have to wait in line for a cab, which along with 10,000 other fans can take a while). Shoot some craps at Caesar's (let me ask you something, is this the REAL Caesar's palace?) or head over to TI to play some 21. After that, well, this IS Vegas. Pretty much anything is possible.

The next day you might not feel as up for so much excitement after the game. Downtown is about a 30 - 45 minute walk (depending how many piss breaks you have to take on the way). It will take just as long to wait for a cab, so head down there for a more relaxed atmosphere. The little bit of exercise will help combat all the empty calories you've been consuming. If you're broke (which by this time, you will most likely be) you can play the penny machines and still drink for free until it's time to catch your cab to the airport.

Ginger's Favorite Spots...

Restaurants:
B&B Ristorante at the Venetian
America at New York, New York
Mesa Grill at Caesars

Blackjack:
Flamingo (only because they were handing out black chips)
MGM Grand
New York, New York

Sports Books:
Caesars
The Mirage
The Bellagio

Bars:
Nine Fine Irishmen at New York, New York
Red Square at the Mandalay Bay
Dick's Last Resort at the Excaliber

And more:
The Beatles LOVE, Cirque du Soleil at the Mirage

D-Bags & Meth Heads Oppose The Cubs In Mesa

2010-02-05T16:32:00.010-07:00

Mr. Wilson hates it when Dennis comes over to play.

A report by the Phoenix Business Journal states that White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf and D-Backs President Derrick Hall don't agree with the proposal to fund the new Spring Training stadium for the Cubs which if passed will impose a $1 per ticket surcharge on all cactus league ticket sales, not just those for Cubs games. As if there wasn't enough whining going on this week, the two heads don't like the fact that their new stadiums did not get the same support which the proposed "Wrigleyville West" site is getting.

The Sox have a new stadium in Glendale (yeah, like anyone wants to travel up there? It's like the Milwaukee of the valley) that they share with with the Dodgers. The D-bags and Rockies also have a new stadium currently being built outside of Scottsdale. $60 million of the Sox/Dodgers park was funded by Arizona Sports & Tourism Authority, an entity designed to help build new stadiums that gets it's money from tourism taxes. The D-bags/Rockies park is being built on Indian land and is being funded by a federal loan to the tribe and cash out of pocket (from the tribe, not the teams).

So why are they complaining again?

“We want the Cubs to stay here badly, but not at the expense of our fans,” Hall said. “I’ve heard the argument that the other teams should be willing to because of the visiting crowds that the Cubs bring to their games. They do draw well, as do we, yet we were creative in our search for a new site to identify a partner willing to finance the entire project without public dollars.”

Hey buddy, you used to play your games in Tucson. You drew well because along with the White Sox (who shared the park with the D-Bags) and Rockies, you were the only draw in town. Coincidence? Now that you're up here with the big boys, just be resigned to the fact that you won't sell out any games unless you are playing the Cubs.

Even though the state is as broke as a joke (bringing out the old-school guns), the proposed funding of a ticket surcharge and increased hotel and car rental tax means that tax payers of AZ will not be paying for the new stadium. This is a good thing for a state that can easily pass propositions naming English the state language and banning gay marriage, but can't pass one that increases taxes by .5% to give more money towards public education. So GFY Reinsdorf (shouldn't you be focusing on your shitty basketball team now anyways?) and Hall. The Cubs are good for Arizona AND for your teams. So sit down and shut up.

For more on the funding, go here.

Go Cubs!

Update: AZ Central has a good article on this as well. A nice highlight below, although I recommend reading the whole article if you really want your blood to boil.

"Is this the same Jerry Reinsdorf that skipped out on Pima County taxpayers who had spent tens of millions of dollars to provide him with a taxpayer-funded stadium, to come to Glendale, where Maricopa County taxpayers provided him a Taj Mahal spring training facility?" Smith said.

He said Reinsdorf's White Sox enjoy a publicly funded stadium in Chicago and that Reinsdorf last year looked into buying the Phoenix Coyotes, who play in Glendale's publicly funded hockey arena.

"The irony is delicious," Smith said.

One Idiots Thoughts on "Idiotgate"

2010-02-05T11:55:00.014-07:00

Now look what you've done. You made Mike Fontenot cry.

If you've been following the Cublogoverse this week, you've noticed a little bit of a ten-year-old slap fight going on.

Dubbed, "Idiotgate", it all started when Paul Sullivan blatantly ripped off our schtick and started calling other people idiots, namely Milton Bradley. To this, Aisle 424 took offense and called Paul Sullivan an idiot. Then, Sullivan banned 424 from his twitter, and shit blew up. Jumping into the proverbial pool (I don't even know what that means), Another Cubs Blog and View From the Bleachers called for a ban of Paul Sullivan and the Tribune. After which, Sullivan called in his buddy, Bad Kermit over at Hire Jim Essian, to defend him. Not to be out-done, Wrigleyville 23, Bad News Cubs and handful of other blogs chimed in.

You got that? No? Me neither.

But one thing is clear - no one asked us, the College of IDIOTS, what our stance was on the matter. And what is it, you may ask (or not)? We don't give a shit. You think these people have nothing better to do than sit in their living rooms and type whatever pops into their so-called brains. Get a fucking life. Go outside and calm the fuck down (oh yeah, most of you live in IL, make sure to put on a hat and coat first). REALLY? You're honestly insulted that a beat writer for an almost defunct newspaper called Milton Bradley an idiot?

And Bad Kermit, I thought you were better this, going to Notre Dame and all. Just because you personally know Paul Sullivan and he once called your blog one of the best Cubs blogs out there, I don't think he needs defending, even if he is an older, fatter, non-athletic version of Ryan Theriot who probably couldn't even defend himself against Gary Coleman.

I write for another blog that was deemed "Sullivan Approved", Thunder Matt's Saloon. I asked the other Bartenders over there what they thought of the whole thing and it was answered with a resounding, "Meh". In bartender Brant Brown's own words, "TMS prefer(s) not to get involved in ridiculous sissy fights with insecure blogs like ACB".

So as the assistant Headmaster (I just made that up, kinda catchy) of the College of Idiots, I would like to clear some things up:

Yes, Milton Bradley is an idiot. In our end-of-the-year poll half of our voters agreed so, making him the COI Idiot of the Year. Need more proof? Apparently you missed all of last season.

No, Paul Sullivan is not an idiot (at least not in this case). Tweets are not journalism. Guess what? Your blogs aren't journalism, no matter how much you want them to be or how many (or in most cases, little) people read them. Sullivan is allowed to have an opinion and he expressed it in a forum which allows him to do so. If he did so in the Tribune, he might have been crossing the line, but he didn't. He banned you. Get the fuck over it.

Reaction of Aisle 424 after finding out he just got banned from Sullivan's twitter.

Aisle 424, View from the Bleachers, Another Cubs Blog, etc. are idiots. In fact, Aisle 424, STOP FUCKING TWEETING ALL THE TIME. Look, we don't care that you're having pot roast for dinner. We don't care that you're getting your oil changed. We don't care that you don't like the commercial of the football game you are watching. We don't need incite into every fucking thing that is happening in your life. It fills up our tweeter and we're tired of it. We get it. You mother didn't love you enough so now you are an attention whore. You sucked up enough to the right blogs and now like 12 people read your own blog.

And us? Well, we are the College of Idiots.

Now let's get back to ripping on the Cardinals, White Sox fans, and Jim Hendry and play nice. We know it's still 2 weeks till pitchers and catchers report, so not much is going on, but please, keep the fighting to the frat boys in the bleachers. Your stupid posts are clogging up my Google Reader like walks clog up the bases. Only one blog's posts should be inane and idiotic, and that's ours. So stop treading on our territory.

kthxbai

Zambran O's are Zawesome!

2010-02-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Incredibly racist or hilarious? We'll go with a little bit of both.

h/t: Not Qualified to Comment via Zoner Sports

Is The Riot Worth 1,600 iPads?

2010-02-04T13:24:00.008-07:00

Looks like Marmol will be the Cubs closer for the 2010 season, barring a Spring Training meltodown. The Cubs and the Presidential look-a-like agreed to a one-year, $2.125 million dollar deal and avoid an arbitration hearing.

This leaves just the Riot left unsigned, who has broken off talks with the Cubs front office as an arbitration hearing looks inevitable for the first time since Mark Grace went head-to-head with the Cubs in 1993. That time the Cubs won, which is probably the way the arbitration board will rule if the Pocket Rocket (don't you love how Ryan has so many nicknames?) and the Cubs can't reach an agreement.

The one-half of the Cajun Connection is asking $3.4 million. The Cubs countered at $2.6 million, but reports have the Cubs offering as high as $3 million. In case you aren't familiar with the arbitration process (as I wasn't until recently), here is the jist of it:

The Riot with lawyers and Jim Hendry (and lawyers) will sit down and have a back and forth in front of a panel of three people, each trying to prove why their number is what Theriot is worth. After that, the panel must choose a side. There is no meeting half-way.

The Cubs have three options before the two sides meet in sunny Phoenix (YEAH! PHOENIX!). They can either give Theriot what he wants, go to the hearing, or non-tender the shortstop/second baseman, which would basically be letting him walk away. I wouldn't expect the last (and worst case) scenario, but don't expect a big deal to happen, as Ryan is fairly old (30 years) and the Cubs have Castro and COI favorite Andy White ready to replace him as soon as this year.

I have read a majority of the blogs on the subject and many offer statistics that prove each side's arguments with such crazy stats such as WAR, TOOTBLAN, and RTAOBP. What the Riot does have going for him is that he played in more games than any other player on the Cubs last year, stole the most amount of bases, and hit a career high amount of home runs. On the negative side, his BA lowered, his strikeouts increased while his walks went down and his "effectiveness" in the field is lacking.

So basically it boils down to that, or more specifically, $800,000. So I asked myself, what could one buy with $800,000?

• 267,557 McRib Sandwiches
• 1,600 iPads
• 35 Deloreans
• 10,000 Adult Midget Rocker Costumes
• 2,667 Hours of Driving around with Ferrari Guy for Hire, the awesomest person alive (and Jen favorite)
• A personal concert performed by the Bacon Brothers
• 36,363 Bottles of Firestone Walker "13" (a COI favorite)

...And I've gotten bored with looking up what $800,000 can buy you. Pretty suffice to say for Theriot, who only made $500,000 last year, it's a pretty big number. For Rickett's family, who just paid almost a billion dollars for a baseball team, it's a drop in the bucket. Either way, it will leave a bad taste in the mouths of the Cubs front office. I don't expect Theriot to be a Cub for much longer after this year, which although we will miss the scrappy little guy, it will allow for a younger, better defensive player to emerge and hopefully bring the Cubs a World Series title.

Go Cubs!

Is This Thing On? In Cubs News...

2010-02-03T10:57:00.003-07:00

Hey-O! Cubs fans. It's been a while since our last post, but you know how it goes, when there is no news, we post, when shit blows up, nothing. If this is your only source for Cubs news (and God help you if it is), let's look at some changes.

Kevin Millar (has almost) signed a minor league deal with the Cubs and will be invited to Spring Training. Known for his yahtzee war cry, "Cowboy Up", Millar was a scab in the '94 MLB strike, but still became a clubhouse favorite when he helped Boston win there first World Series in forever. Although he called himself and his players in Boston, "Idiots", COI does not officially endorse this signing.

Chad TRA-CY! also signed a minor league deal with the Cubs. Tracy was an AZ favorite on the radio show Holmberg's Morning Sickness on KUPD, where he often was made of fun because of the proximity of his eyes to each other. Although he was a Cubs killer while in AZ, he most likely flop and be the next Aaron Miles for the Cubs.

Best outfielder ever, RE-ED Johnson, has signed with the LA Dodgers.

Former Cubs killer (because he sucked with the Cubs), Aaron Miles is back in the NL Central, as he signed with Dusty's Reds, where he will not be clogging the bases.

And finally, the Cubs will "officially" stay in AZ! Of course, like we said before, no plan of funding the project has been finalized, so this could be another long and drawn out process. Keep in touch with COI (yeah, cause we are so on the ball) for more news about Spring Training and such. Pitchers and catchers report in less than 2 weeks, so to get yourself psyched, check out this article I wrote last year about the 5 great things about Cubs Spring Training.

Go Cubs!

One More Step Forward

2010-01-26T16:27:00.004-07:00

Proposed site for new stadium...or something like this at least.

The city of Mesa approved the proposal to the Cubs yesterday on a vote of 7-0. Where the money will come from is still an issue, although the proposed sites of Elliot/202 or Recker/202 are both within a couple miles of my house, so I'm pretty stoked. The Cubs still need to approve the proposal, which is expected to happen by Friday.

In other Cubs news, Xavier Nady is now a Cub. Cubs cuties around the country cursed the signing, as gritty White Slice (Reed Johnson) will no longer be a Cub. Ben Sheets was also picked up by the A's, where he will be the Cubs season-round trade rumor until he ends up on the other side of town.

So good news, and news news. Not too bad of a day.

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - Phoenix Municipal Stadium

2010-01-25T20:05:00.006-07:00

Away we go into the magical (not really) city of Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix Municipal Stadium is the spring home of the Oakland Athletics. Phoenix Muni is located just off the Loop 202 at Priest Dr. near Papago Park.

I want to start things out by stating that I have never seen a game from the stadium. It's in a nice area but other than that there is not much exciting about seeing a game there. It is a fairly small stadium with a capacity of 8000 but that works out well because parking around the stadium can be tough. I highly recommend using the light rail to get to the game if it's an option.

Where to be pre-game...

The proximity to Tempe leaves all of the options I mentioned in my previous post about Tempe Diablo stadium doable. Kind of a cop out but I am going to leave it at that.

Stadium experience...

Not much I can say here. I have never been insides the stadium and probably won't make it this year. If you are a fan of any team other than the A's I would only recommend going if it is your team they are facing. There are plenty of more interesting stadiums to go to.

Where to be post-game...

Only one place I would want to be. Papago Brewing Company is one of the best bars in the greater Phoenix area. They feature around 30 beers on tap and 1 cask selection at all times. This is on top of a huge selection of bottles. About half of the draft beer is what I would deem rare. Like most of the places I selected to share it does not look like much from the outside. It is located in a strip mall so make sure you pay attention when looking for it.

Angry's favorite restaurants...

Pizzeria Bianco - The best pizza in Phoenix and probably the southwest.
Los Dos Molinos - HOT New Mexican food. Delicious.

GO CUBS!

One Small Step For Cubdom, One Giant Hurdle for Arizona

2010-01-22T11:29:00.005-07:00

How could this NOT go wrong?

The city of Mesa revealed their proposal to keep the Cubs in Arizona yesterday. The plan goes to a vote on Monday. (Does anything good ever happen on Monday?)

The new stadium would seat about 15,000 and the overall facility would cost up to $84 million, according to the agreement. The Cubs would pay anything that exceeded that.

The team’s five-member board of directors meets this weekend but the Cubs told Mesa they will make the decision only after the Monday vote, Brady said.

The decision would give Mesa exclusive negotiating rights while a more formal deal is worked out. Also, the legislature must approve a bill to direct tourism taxes to the new facility and Mesa voters would need to approve elements of the deal.

The key to the deal that is if the Cubs agree, Mesa would be given "exclusive negotiating rights," effectively ending negotiations with Naples.

Here are the details:

An $84 million plan unveiled Thursday to keep the Chicago Cubs in Mesa includes:
• Stadium
• 13,500 to 15,000 seats
• Team facilities
• 50,000-square-foot clubhouse, with state-of-the-art training/offices/meeting facilities
• At least two Major League-sized practice fields
• At least one practice infield
•Agility field
• At least 16 batting tunnels
• At least 16 pitching mounds
• Temporary living spaces
• Team/public facilities
• Four full-sized practice fields
• Major League-quality lighting

Other highlights:
• Complex would be on at least 100 acres; site unknown
• Up to 4,000 parking spaces (up to 3,500 provided by Mesa)
• Mesa owns stadium
• Cubs control facility operations and development of “Wrigleyville West” commercial village
• Cubs get exclusive naming rights and advertising revenue

Financing:
• State and city bonds; amounts and terms not disclosed

Key hurdles:
• City Council vote - Monday
• State legislation - this session
• Citywide bond election - expected in November

Dave Kaplan, Bruce Levine, and the Tribune are all reporting that the deal is basically done. But wait, notice that the part about where the money will come from is not disclosed. If you live IL, think of your state's budget problems and then realize that AZ is in the same amount of debt as you guys. While the Cubs bring a projected $50 million worth of business state-wide in just a month's worth of time, Arizona citizens are notorious for not voting to increase taxes. Just too many old people more worried about their bridge games than wanting to keep the economy alive. This could be the major hurdle that kicks the Cubs out of the Cactus League and to Florida, where they seem more than willing to throw any amount of money the Cubs way. That being said, a promised $84 million dollars is a pretty sweet if the money can be found.

So don't get your hopes up too high, the deal is close, but just as it took the Ricketts WAY more time to get the financial hurdles of purchasing the Cubs finalized, it might be a while before it's certain that the Cubs will indeed stay in Mesa.

Stay tuned, and stay classy Cubs fans.

Favre Fan Fail #3: Little Kid Edition

2010-01-21T18:07:00.003-07:00

If the kid is such a fan, why doesn't he have his own Favre jersey?

Remember that stupid kid that wore his Favre jersey for 2 years straight? Thanks to NFL announcers basically fellating #4 every chance they get, now a kid in Minnesota thinks Favre is God. GFY!

Eight-year-old Andrew Brower of Kimball obviously had football on his mind at Sunday School. With plenty of purple crayons, he created a picture of Jesus with his disciples at a recent Sunday School class. Andrew put all of them in Vikings jerseys with Jesus, of course, wearing #4.
"I just thought of it because Brett Favre is the quarterback and Jesus is like the quarterback of the world," Andrew said.

Andrew's prediction, by the way, Vikings win this Sunday and go on to win the Super Bowl.

Sorry Andrew, they won't even make it past this Sunday.

Keep the Cubs in AZ: Selig Might Not Be the Biggest Idiot After All

2010-01-21T13:00:00.005-07:00

See, Spring Training isn't all about beer and scantily clad women...who are we kidding, of course it is.

According to FOX news in Phoenix, the Cubs are "99% sure" to stay in Mesa. This comes after the other owners and Bud Selig himself have told the Ricketts family they would prefer to have the Cubs remain in the Cactus League. Being the new kids on the block, I would hope the Ricketts family listens to the old boys.

A source close to the Ricketts' family, the current owner of the Cubs, says they're 99 percent sure the Cubs are staying in Mesa for spring training.

The Cubs have expressed desire for a bigger and better training facility, and have tossed around the idea of moving to Florida after their contract is up at Hohokam Park.

The commissioner of baseball, Bud Selig, reportedly told the Cubs he’d prefer they stay in Mesa.

Obviously, I'm biased about the situation. As Arizona is the home to all three of the Idiots, there is nothing I look forward to more during the year than the month long party that is the Cubs Spring Training. I have only been living out here for three seasons, but each year is better than the last. As Angry has reported, it's not only the games at Hohokam that make the Cubs a great draw in AZ, but the other parks as well. While the current facility is adequate for the fans, the team definitely needs a top-of-line field and training grounds that is similar, nay, better the new parks being opened around the valley. They are by far the number one draw for the Cactus League and nothing is more fun than hanging out with Cubs fans who have migrated here as well as those who have traveled to get away from the snow and cold temperatures of Chicago.

The Idiots and friends put on a great tailgate (thanks to Angry's equipment), the games are relaxed, the players seem to always be in a good mood and you can even see Lou smile once in a while as he dodges foul balls lined back towards him (the coaches usually sit on the backstop away from team in the dugout). This is definitely good news not only for Cubs fans living in the valley, but as I see it, for Cubs fans everywhere who travel to see Spring Training. With the hurricane season, long travel times and now increased taxes that Naples is proposing, Mesa is not only a more fun town to see the Boys in Blue, but also a cheaper option.

For more about the Cubs and their Spring Training battle, waxbeerpapercup has been keeping the Cublogosphere updated daily. To join the fight to keep the Cubs in Mesa, a couple of groups have been started on facebook:

Keep the Cubs in Mesa for Spring Training
Keep the Cubs

While you're there, why not join the College of Idiots fan site as well.

Go Cubs!

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - Tempe Diablo Stadium

2010-01-18T20:19:00.004-07:00

Alright let's start the fun with the Spring home of the Los Angeles (Anaheim...whatever) Angels. Tempe Diablo Stadium is nestled into some buttes on the outskirts of Tempe, Arizona. Located off of I-10 and US-60, Tempe Diablo is easy to find but very difficult to get into and out of due to the lack of access streets. Yeah, that nice mountain view comes with a price.

Where to be pre-game...

I recommend getting to Four Peak Brewing when they open at 11am on Mon - Sat or 10am on Sun. They have a nice selection of craft beer with the personal COI favorites being Kilt Lifter and The Raj IPA. Four Peaks provides everything you need to get you primed for the game from a nice strong ale to some tasty appetizers.

Stadium experience...

Tempe Diablo has a really nice shot of the Buttes out in left field. It also has an excellent shot of I-10 in all its glory just beyond the right field fence. All and all, the stadium blends in as well as most built into a mountainside. Parking generally sucks which is why I recommend getting there early or in the 2nd inning to avoid the craziness. Inside the stadium there is a decent food selection on the concourse down the left field line. The beer selection is middle of the road with usually 2 craft beers to compliment the Miller/Bud crap that appears in every stadium. All in all, food and beverage do no shine in Tempe.

Where to be post-game...

This is an easy one. One of the best small bars I have been to in the Tempe area is Taste of Tops on University just west of the ASU campus (approx 2 miles north and 3 miles east of Diablo). ToT has a rotating selection of 12 rare craft beers and a huge cooler stocked with craft bottles. The bar will open any of them and I am willing to bet they would open anything you could find in their brother store next door, Tops Liqours. If you are into craft beer at all this is a must stop. I recently discovered this place and wouldn't go anywhere else in Tempe.

Angry's favorite restaurants...

Four Peaks Brewing Company - See above.
Chompies Bakery and Deli - Awesome sandwichs and baked goods
Oregano's - Decent deep dish pizza, especially for the southwest

GO CUBS!

Hey Kids: Take Your Steroid Advice From Grace

2010-01-15T18:55:00.002-07:00

This one might have fallen through your radar if you were as busy at work this week as I was, but Mark Grace went on the DP show this week and discussed (what else?) steroids and Big Mac. Here are a few choice quotes on why the Cubs first baseman and consistent Scottsdale clubber didn't take the roids:

"I like my sex life," Grace said. "I want to be able to perform. It's kind of funny, but it's not. That stuff will tear you up as far as your manhood is concerned."

"Guys were just missing balls and they're still home runs. It's not fair,"

That's right kids, if you want to have kids, or at least the potential to get a woman to commit the act that could potentially lead to kids, don't do steroids. And maybe someday you too can get a St. Louis bartender to tattoo your name on her lower back.

Cactus League Spring Training Guide - COI Style

2010-01-14T21:24:00.007-07:00

I have decided to share a little of my knowledge on how to properly experience the Spring Training locations in the East Valley of Phoenix. It's pretty much up to be to provide this information considering the other Idiots can barely manage to prepare for a tailgate that I bring 90% of the equipment to.

For those of you unfamiliar with the area, that covers Hohokam Park in Mesa (Cubs), Phoenix Municipal Stadium in Phoenix (A's), Scottsdale Stadium in Scottsdale (Giants), and Tempe Diablo Stadium in Tempe (Angels).

The following will be covered with each entry:

Where to be pre-game
Stadium experience
Where to be post-game
Angry's favorite nearby restaurants

If you have never been to the Phoenix area, or Spring Training specifically, you will likely find this guide full of useful information if you are looking for an all-around great experience. If you are well versed in the offering of the area you might want to read the entries too, as I am planning on sharing some interesting stories.

Expect the first location this weekend. It will either be Tempe Diablo or Phoenix Muni. I'm torn as I have been to a handful of games at Diablo but none at Phoenix Muni. If you happen to be an A's fan don't worry. I know the area surrounding Phoenix Muni pretty well and what I will lack in stadium experience I will make up in the other categories.

The Hawk, the Hawks, the Eagles, the Cardinals, the Ravens and the Jets...this post is for the birds (and a plane, it's a flying theme).

2010-01-08T16:27:00.009-07:00

The Hawk hat controversy continues on the monster-webs. A couple of links, many comments, and some insight from the boys over at TMS have led this intrepid reporter to report that it basically breaks down like this:

Cubs Cap Contenders:
• Cubs fans that don't care about what Dawson's stats were.
• Cubs fans that care about the stats, but the Hawk was their favorite Cubs player.
• Andre Dawson himself (follow the links above).

Montreal Mugs Manifests:
• Cubs fan that care about WAR, OBP, ODB, & OPP (you down with OPP?).
• Really old people that remember his Expos career.
• People that hate the Cubs.

The problem is this, both Cubs fans (mostly) and the Hawk himself want the bust to have the Cubs logo, but purists all point to numbers and influence on a team. I guess it will be a long discussion, but as most true Dawson fans point out, it's not about the cap, it's about the man, and they could care less either way.

______________

Now onto the Blackhawks, who half-way through the season (almost) are the best team in the NHL, have the biggest goal differential, have won 5 straight games and are looking like the favorite for the Cup this year. I STILL have yet to see a game this year (although with the Sunday Ticket expiring, I might as well keep that DirecTV bill high and order the NHL package), but my awesome Mom keeps me informed via texting of during every game. That being said, I wish I had more on the Hawks, but I don't, besides that this seems eerily familiar to a certain Cubs team that went an entire season dominating the competition, only to fall on it's face in the playoffs. If it wasn't for that goat...where was I was going here?

______________

And finally in our Aves Postes (that's latin for "bird post" right?), we come to the Wild Card Playoffs, which will feature three rematches from last week. This week we bring in Harry Caray, who called many of the Hawk's great games...Dawson that is, not the Blackhawks.

Harry: Thanks, Ginger. This week's Bud Light Predictions is a tough one. But first, I would like let the fans know that Dawson should wear a Cubs hat to Cooperstown. Screw those Canucks. Let me tell you a story about this one time Dutchie and I went to Canadia. They have great beer up there in the North though, they would stay up late with me, throwing back the brews and the ladies, let me tell about this one time.

(Knock at the door, it's Steve Stone)

Stone: Whoa, there Harry. Let me take it from here. In the first rematch, we pit two aging quarterbacks against each in other in the battle between Kurt Warner and Brett Favre as the Packers take on the Cardinals in AZ.

(Knock at the door, it's Tim Tebow)

Tebow: You know Stoney, you're wrong again. Stop lying to the public. God hates liars. And Je--

(Rick Stanzi bursts into the room, Colt McCoy following tissues in hand)

Stanzi: AMERICA! NUMBER ONE! YEAH!

McCoy: Stop it, Rick. Timmy is right. God has a plan. And in His plan, he chose to not let me play. BUT CHECK OUT MY SMOKING HOT GIRLFRIEND.

(McCoy's girlfriend walks into the room with her sorority sister)

....
....
....

Well, it looks like everyone here has forgotten about the predictions. Plus this skit was going nowhere fast.

EAGLES, CARDINALS, RAVENS, & JETS to advance (you could have just read the title, dumbass).

Go Cu...Bea...Bul...Blackhawks!!!

The Hawk Flies Above The Rest

2010-01-06T11:42:00.006-07:00

The Hawk is in!

I wrote a post about a month back in which I got a little riled up about whether or not Dawson should go into the Hall as a Cub or Expo. If you need a reminder, the boys over at ACB were calling outrage if he made it as a Cub. The basis of this was on one thing only: WAR. WAR is your value to your team in WINNING games. Let me repeat that, it only counts if the team WINS. Apparently you have no value to a team if it is losing, like this is basketball and one player (that isn't the pitcher) can make that much of a difference. Dawson only got up to bat so many times in the game, people, he couldn't hit a home run every time (he's no Sammy Sosa...ha!)

Look, I'm not going to ignore the fact that the Hawk had an awesome career in Montreal. He did. He spent 11 years here, compared to 6 with the Cubs. He won the RoY there. He was runner-up for the MVP twice, and set the single-season club records for home runs, RBIs, extra base hits, and sac flies. He is the only player for Montreal to hit 200 home runs and steal 200 bases. Those are all pretty good numbers, and if MLB does decide to put Andre in the Hall wearing an Expos cap, it should be for those reasons, not his WAR.

But unfortunately, he was overshadowed in Montreal by players like Gary Carter and Tim Raines. It wasn't until he reached Chicago and a national audience that people put a name and a face to the Hawk, and this is why he should wear a Cubs cap. I said it before and I will say it again: the man won the MVP while his team finished LAST PLACE in their division. He wanted to play in Chicago so badly, that he presented the Cubs with a blank contract. If you don't know what that means, he basically said: pay me whatever you can afford, I just want to play for the Cubs. And it's not like the Cubs were an awesome by any stretch, they went 71 -91 the year before Dawson signed.

So really, I guess it doesn't matter which hat will be in the Hall, Dawson making it in is a true testament to a player that did everything right, played hard and is now rewarded for his actions. I will finish this post with a few words that Ryne Sandberg said during his introduction to the Hall in 2005:

No player in baseball history worked harder, suffered more or did it better than Andre Dawson. He's the best I've ever seen. I watched him win an MVP for a last-place team in 1987 [with the Cubs], and it was the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in baseball. He did it the right way, the natural way, and he did it in the field and on the bases and in every way, and I hope he will stand up here someday.

Congrats Hawk, from the Idiots at COI and from all Cubs fans growing up in the 80s, when the Cubs stunk, but we still had players like you to look up to.

Cotts a Pirate, Eye Patch and Parrot Remain With Cubs

2010-01-04T18:09:00.003-07:00

Neal Cotts has signed a minor league contract with the Pirates. Funny, I can't find this anywhere on the Cubs website, you think good news like this would be the first thing they would want us all to know. Huh?

2009 Is A Dying Whore

2010-01-04T17:10:00.005-07:00

If this picture looks like your commute this morning, all I gotta say is I'm sorry I can't scrape the sunshine off my window in the morning.

Well, it's 2010, hope you all survived as well as the Idiots did. As most other blogs have pointed out, thank goodness that 2009 is over, at least in Chicago sports history that is. An unpredictably busy day at work will has forced this post short, although a couple of items I would like to express the masses:

• Happy Birthday TRL!

• Tomorrow is the second biggest day for us AZ Cubs peeps, as Spring Training tickets go on sale. COI has already set aside it's weekends in March (as well as Lazy virtually taking the entire month off for Cubs games). Again, we hope to see some of you out there this year...or not, GFY!

• The Bears publicly apologized for a crappy season. How about some firings instead?

• I still have yet to see a Blackhawks game, as WGN broadcasted the Cosby Show, among other 80's classics to the rest of the country instead of the game on Sunday (or was it Saturday?)

• I watched my first Purdue game against WV on Friday. All I know is it's Hummel time and when Purdue gets a free throw the crowd does some weird chant that reminds me of when I used to go to Catholic mass. Angry has promised to post about Purdue basketball, but has just been sent to the land of the Rolling Tide, so you probably won't get anything now.

• String cheese: it's like the modern day manna. God should have sent that shit from heaven.

Happy 2010 Idiots!

COI Final (and possibly worst) Post of 2009

2009-12-31T10:25:00.011-07:00

COI 2009 Year in Pictures (in no particular order, GFY Photobucket)

Well, 2009 is almost done and the Cubs ring in another decade with about as much excitement as meeting Moises Alou and then realizing that you have to shake his hand (you know, cause he pees on his hands...fuck people, I didn't say the jokes would be good). 'Member last year when Hendry traded away McDreamy on December 31 in order to make room for the awesome Milton Bradley? It's hard to say that Hendry has learned from his mistakes, and some could say that not picking up anyone is a good move. That old addition by subtraction thing. So what's in store for next year? It's hard to predict at this point. Will Big Z still be on the team? Will Damon be the next Garciaparra (in that he's old and will suck for the Cubs)? Will Sandberg be the next manager as Lou just gives up and moves to Florida? Are you still reading this?

Really, no Cubs news is good Cubs news. So we move on. There apparently was a football game on Monday. Aramasho-DO! You know you have a great job when you can ask your boss to come in early so you don't miss the game and then on your way out she says, "Go Bears!" Well, at least when you live in AZ anyways. The game was awesome and seeing Favre almost cry at the end was about as joyous a sight one can see. It's great that all the radio shows are talking about how much they hate that fudge packer. He's finally getting his dues for being the douche that all us Bears fans knew he was. I'm not going to go into the debate over whether or not that was a good or bad win for the Bears. You would hope the McCaskey's won't be swayed by their Lovie decision by one game. I just hope that Cutler and the wide receivers work out together in the offseason, as we finally saw what Cutler can really do with his gun slinger.

I still have yet to see a Blackhawks game this year, although maybe tonight. I found out that I don't get Versus on the DirecTV (which many of the Blackhawks games are shown on nationally), my internet connection is shit (so I can't watch on that) and with the gf absolutely despising watching hockey (so probably no ordering the NHL package), I hate to say that I will miss most of the magical season that they are having, but it's probably true. Yes, I am a horrible Chicago fan.

Well, we won't bore you with another one of those lists about the past decade/year/players/teams/etc. I'm sure you can find that shit somewhere else... Fine then, Ginger's Top 10 Cubs player's (nicknames) of the decade (in no particular order): Little Babe Ruth, DP Lee, El Toro Loco, Kid K, White Slice, Hank White, The Big Smooth, Mad Dog, The Human Rally Killer, and of course Ginger Matt. Happy fuckers?

So Happy New Year from COI! Hopefully we can forge more blogger alliances in the new year, maybe even meet a couple of you if you come out for ST (who knows, we might even buy you a tasty World Famous Dos Gringos Pre-made Margarita). We hope are readership continues to grow (now 5 regular readers and counting). And don't forget to friend us on facebook (I need more friends so I can expand my farm on farmville), just use that button over there on the right side bar.

And remember: Stay Classy, Chicago!

UPDATE: Cubs sign Marlon Byrd to a 3 year, $15 million contract. Byrd is coming off a career year in Texas. How could this not go wrong? Oh yeah, Aaron Miles. FUCK!

Merry Christmas From COI!

2009-12-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas Cubs and COI fans!

We know it's not very Christ-like but if you feel like kicking Jim Hendry down the slide just like Santa did to Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" just give old Hendry a boot with your mouse!

Bears Fans United Billboard Gets Attention?

2009-12-24T10:01:00.003-07:00

Cubs fans are used to losing. It's like a pathogen stuck in the blue blood that we bleed. But when it comes to our Bears, we get a little more pissed off when they lose. Can you believe real analysts were actually picking the Bears to win the Super Bowl this year? While most of us are just switching the channel to the Blackhawks (is it too soon to purchase the NHL package?) a group of Bears fans are taking out their frustration and calling out Lovie and the McCaskey's personally. If you live in Chicago, I am sure you are aware of the website Bears Fans United, as they have been featured locally in almost every media: print, radio and newscasts, but outside of Chicago the story has yet to be picked up. The website is a call against the Bears current coaching staff and tight-assed ownership to make a change, and NOW! They are asking for donations to help put up a billboard (which is actually up now, as seen above).

Personally, I think this is the first time I can recall such a public showing against a team in my hometown (well as close to DeKalb as I can call a hometown). And truly, I think as Bears fans not one of us disagree. But I do disagree that the stunt will actually catch the attention of the McCaskey's and that they really care about winning when they are still able to sell last row, upper deck tickets for over $100 a pop. Just like the Tribune company treated the Cubs as a product and not a team whose sole purpose was to win, the McCaskey's will most likely keep Lovie on for the final year of his contract. So I won't be giving Bears Fans United any money, and I won't be going apeshit over how bad the Bears are. It doesn't even matter. Have the Rickettses done anything for the Cubs? Kenney and Fatty Jim are still running the team into the ground. I hate to say it, but there is really only one owner in the city that cares about winning, and that's the owner on the South Side (and Bulls owner as well). Sure the Blackhawks are doing awesome, and that is in part to old man Wirtz going the way of Brittany Murphy (too soon?) and his son stepping in. So I guess let's enjoy that while it lasts. At least until March when pitchers and catchers report.

Hey Florida, what do you have that Arizona doesn't?

2009-12-23T22:36:00.004-07:00

...wait, I know, HURRICANES!

Alright, in all seriousness, does anyone really think moving the team from Arizona to Florida will make a big difference in what we see on the field at Wrigley come April? If you do you are fucking nuts. Here are the reasons why:

The location of your training camp should not effect how talent is evaluated - Yeah, I have heard the arguments on how it is harder to tell how much power a guy REALLY has when he is hitting in the rarefied air of Phoenix, Arizona. How about all the baseball geniuses out there take into account the fact that it is all relative. It seems like it would be pretty easy to compile stats and factor out the thin air for hitters as well as pitchers. But hey, there I go thinking logically like an engineer again.
Distance to opponents - This one is hard to argue with. Arizona will have every team within 50 miles of one another by next year. Would the CLOSEST opponent be within 50 miles of Naples?
Facilities - The people of Arizona are putting on a full court press as are the people of Florida. The way I see it they are both going to offer state of the art facilities which makes this a wash.
Who are you competing with? - In Arizona? No one. The Cubs own the Cactus League and consistently reset the attendance record, in part with the help of a large local contingent of Cubs fans relocated from Chicago. In Florida? New York and Boston, both of which will outdraw the Cubs. Why play 3rd fiddle to those teams and the blowhard aholes that are their fans?
Weather - In Arizona, its sunny and in the 70s/80s almost every day. In Florida, HURRICANES! HA! OK, maybe no hurricanes that time of the year but there are certainly afternoon rain storms almost daily.

Am I missing something critical? Maybe. Of course all of the other teams that have moved from Florida to Arizona in the recent years must be missing the exact same points.

Typical Packer Fan

2009-12-23T13:40:00.002-07:00

The awesome website, Tauntr, has released it's NFL Athletic Supporters: The Green Bay Packers. It's interactive, so we won't mind if you head over there for hilarity.

Happy Holidays and 2009 Recap!

2009-12-22T17:45:00.003-07:00

It's amazing, once I finally recovered from the vodka-induced black-out from hearing the news about Bradley, I only slipped into a deeper, darker one after Sunday and the Bears beating. I wake up and find that not much has changed. Sure, it's a little rainy here in AZ, which can only mean God is still crying over what seems to be the worst year in Chicago history. But we still had some good times in retrospect. The Bulls and Celtics had one of the greatest NBA Playoff series of all time. The Blackhawks made it a couple rounds into the playoffs and are keeping the Chicago sports scene alive. The Bears got a real quarterback (or so we thought). The Cubs...well, another decade of nothing. Unfortunately the COI nomination of Cubs Idiot of the Decade, Jim Hendry, still has a job and will do his best to ruin this team for next year. Pods in center, why not? It's not like he was passed up by the White Sox for Juan Pierre. Juan FUCKING Pierre, people! Oh God, help us all.

On the bright side, it was a productive...err...well, we continued blogging at COI. We made some new friends (TMS and WAIW) and lost a couple (FOTG). Lazy and Angry combined for as many posts as I can count on my Alfonseca hand (that's six if you're counting at home), but I tried to keep the College open for business. I also managed to debut my writing skills for a Chicago classic (and Paul Sullivan approved) over at Thunder Matt's Saloon. Hey, it might even lead to greater things, but we won't let the cat out of the bag just yet.

So we remember the 2009 year a bit early this year and bring you the Greatest Hits from the year (in no particular order...well kinda chronologically I guess), in the classic bullet format you all know and love.

Congrats Buehrle, GFY Sox Fans
This post enraged Sox fans to the point that it only proved my point about them being dumbasses (as well as illiterate).

12 Runs of July 29th
How appropriate for the holidays, as I took the traditional X-mas song and gave it my own twist when the Cubs scored 12 runs in one day (I know, I'm as amazed myself).

COI Crimes Against Humanity: Mini Burger
Oh, you want to get ripped off? How about some tasty little burgers? Not a Cubs post, but I think one of my better ones.

Curse of Cubs Calendar
How can we forget the Curse of the Cubs Calendar, in which my calendar predicted which Cub would be on the DL for that month with surprising accuracy?

Brett Favre Email X-rays To Vikings
Why Lazy doesn't write anymore is beyond me (my theory is the booze and non-opposable thumbs), as this classic expresses his hatred for everything Favre.

Cubs Would Be Better Off Without Bobby Scales
Remember when you thought Bobby Scales was the greatest old-man-new-superstar of the Cubs ever? STFU, you were just as entranced as everybody else, and this post could have predicted a blockbuster trade for the Cubs, if only Hendry read COI.

Slamming Sammy Sosa
Before turning into Zombie Sosa, Sammy announced his retirement from baseball. I reflected on his career as being the biggest douchebag to play for the Cubs until...well Milton Bradley (same number and position - coincidence?)

COI Awesomest Person Alive: Ferrari Guy
Again, not a Cubs post, but when you find someone this awesome, how can you not write about them?

Live Blogging A Rain Delay
I was going to live blog, and then it rained. The rest is history. Crappy, shitty history.

Just Get It Done
Angry's war cry for the 2009 Cubs season, when we still had hope.

Well, if you missed any of these over the past year, I suggest you grab a bottle of your best liquor, a handful of sleeping pills and a pillow, because if you make it through reading all that, you will probably want to kill yourself as quickly as possible.

Happy Crassmus Everybody!

FML Cubs Edition: Bradley Traded, Things Just Go From Bad To Worse.

2009-12-18T12:04:00.003-07:00

Kittens! Kittens! Kittens!

Basket weaving kittens! Kittens! Kitten basket weavers! Basket weaving, basket weaving, kittens! Kittens! Basket weavers!

BASKET WEAVING KITTENS!!!

*This blog has been edited to remove all swear words with nice, clean words.

Fine, You're Not Going To Read This Blog, Well Go Somewhere Else Then!

2009-12-17T13:37:00.005-07:00

Well, it's been a while since we've offered our readers a chance to read something about the Cubs by someone other than a complete Idiot, and in my daily perusing of the intrawebs I came across some more Cubs blogs. They should be added to the blogroll (located on the right hand side of your webpage) soon...maybe...ew, piece of candy.

The Sabertootehed Anteater
A contributor to Another Cubs Blog (which we all know I love), this blog is ramblings about the Cubs, food and books by a mathematician (shocker there, writing for ACB and all). He should have included dogs as well, as every other post is about his pet. It's more of a family blog than a Cubs blog, but whatever, at least it's written well.

Cubbie Doctor's Examiner
This blog is fairly new (founded in November) and the author blogs pretty regularly. He would be perfect for COI, as his latest post discusses his Top 10 Cubs of the past decade, which included: Todd Walker (2nd base), Ricky Gutierrez (SS), Corey Patterson (CF) and Matt Clement (SP), so yeah, it is what it is.

The Lou Brock Fan Club
This blog posted regularly during the season and is a lot about prospects, numbers and facts, so basically a lot of things that bore me.

Cubs Corner
This blog talks most about prospects, trade rumors and the like. Of course it is the off season, so what the else are we supposed to talk about? A little humor would be nice, though.

Cubs Pack
This blog posts regularly and is part of MSNBC's blog network. Another blog authored by an accountant, so again, you know it's a lot of facts and numbers. He also likes to start out his paragraphs with the word, "So". Like every single one, but then again, I do that too, so maybe he is my long-lost brother.

Everything Cubs
This blog does a really good job of sorting out the Cubs news into short, to the point sentences. You know why I like that, because just like our blog, most blogs bore me with opinions and stats. Out of the other blogs reviewed, I would actually recommend this one.

And finally, it's not a Cubs blog, but a recent commenter's own blog, which is in fact pretty funny.

The Bigfoot Diaries
It's a lot of randomness, filled with music, Cubs, food, whatever, but in a good way, like how Thunder Matt's Saloon used to be. If you want a daily pick-me-up or want to learn about some bands, this is an awesome blog. And it's funny, so you got that too. Thanks for reading, gooseneck!

Microwaved Blue Cheese, All-U-Can Eat Stripper Buffets, Six Flags and Adam Lambert: Or As I Call It, The Cubs Off Season

2009-12-16T15:50:00.007-07:00

The 2010 is going to look a lot like the 2009 Cubs. Surprising? Hardly. Last off-season Hendry went out and tried to "fix" the Cubs. What were his major pick ups? Let's take a look:

Heilman: a closer in Florida that was pretty good up until his last season with the club, in which he was as bad as microwaved blue cheese dressing. As Kid K left for the Indians, the closer position was open, and I for one thought that Aaron could turn it around. Yeah, when I am fucking right? About as much as Lazy and Angry post here at COI! Heilman continued to deteriorate and now he's gone.

This year's Heilman: Does anyone else here see a connection to another guy that Cubs fans are all up in arms about? Sure, Capps might turn back into his former self, but at the price, and more importantly the cost of another multi-year contract to find out. But isn't that what Hendry does? Throw big contracts around like they were dollar bills at the All-U-Can Eat Stripper Buffet. Seeing as Jim hasn't made so much as a splash this off-season, I won't be surprised that this will be the Cubs "big" acquisition. I also won't be surprised when he's sent down to the minors for Neal "Fucking" Cotts in the middle of the season.

Miles: At St. Louis, Aaron Miles was a left-handed hitting machine, often against our own Cubbies. In Chicago, he was just another horrible, midget infielder. Like we really needed another one of those. In fact, even though we had 5-6 players that could play second and short, during the middle of the season many of you were calling for Soriano to move back into the 2nd baseman role. THAT'S how bad all these guys were. And where is Ocho the Unlucky today? Fuck if I know where to look that up (oh, yeah, that Intraweb thingy, looks like the A's). All I know is they are eating most of this year's salary.

This year's Miles: Starlin Castro. No one really knows about this kid, mostly because, well, he's never played in the bigs. The Cubs did have a history of great call ups last year though. Oh right, that Bobby Scales thing only lasted a couple weeks. One positive on Castro's side is that he can ride the roller coasters at Six Flags, something 3/4 of the other Cubs middle infielder's can't do.

Joey Gathright: Remember that dude that could jump over cars in a single bound? No, well neither do most Cubs fans. In another frantic move to sign anyone that batted left-handed, Hendry signed Gathright, despite the fact that he already had two center fielders. Yeah, that worked all the way until...May, when they traded him to the Orioles for Ryan Freel, who has a midget living in his head named Farney. It's like the Cubs forgot they were a baseball team and not a side-show act at the circus.

This year's Gathright: Well, fuck, looks like we STILL need a center fielder, despite having one of the greatest defensive players in the game in White Slice and paying the other one eight figures to platoon. The list of available men looks like it came from Back to Future: the 90's version. Coco Crisp, Scotty Pods, Rick Ankiel. Seriously, would you rather have ANY of these guys over Reed or Fuku when he isn't screwing himself into the ground? Oh, don't forget about Marlon Byrd. He was awesome in Texas, how could that NOT go wrong?

Milton Bradley: Fuck, THAT'S how it could go wrong. To write any more on Bradley would be like fucking a dead horse. Kicking, I meant kicking.

This year's Bradley: Milton Bradley, version 2.0. He can't be any worse, can he? Do we really want Florida's wet laundry for this guy. I like Demspter's idea: get a dunk tank, let the guy's on the team take a couple throws and start new. Is that going to be hard to do? Yes, especially with Lou still at the helm. Look, I was one one of Bradley's strongest and longest supporters last year. But obviously I wanted him gone at the end of the season. Everyone did. But face the facts people, the chances of Adam Lambert getting a blow job from a woman are better than Bradley getting traded at this point. Hire Jim Essian had it right weeks ago, Bradley will be starting in RF come April.

So there you have it Cubs fans. If history is any indication, everything I just wrote will be completely wrong (are you reading this?). Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that Jew that we gave away last year to make room for Bradley's salary. You know, the one that just happened to be the best pitcher on the Rockies and went to the All Star Game. This year's Jason Marquis: Rich Harden, injury free and throwing fireballs will win 20 games. Mark it, dude!

The Bulls Don't Have Watchability

2009-12-15T14:44:00.004-07:00

Ever wonder why COI doesn't blog about the Bulls? Well, aside from the fact that we live in Arizona and would only get to see about one game every 2 weeks (if we watched basketball*), according to SB Nation, the Bulls are the worst team to watch it in the NBA (link via Tremendous Upside Potential).

I know what you're thinking. Hey, that Derrick Rose guy was awesome in college! Joakim Noah is fun! Tyrus Thomas makes highlight plays. And wasn't that the same team that played in that awesome series vs. the Celtics? All true. But this is a new year, and let me tell you, this team has absolutely no cohesion. There is no organized "offense," just Rose dribbling around the perimeter and Luol Deng and John Salmons shooting contested 20-footers (the worst shot in pro basketball). Rookie forward Taj Gibson is lauded for being cerebral, which should tell you something about his entertainment value. It's the classic case of a team who is so much worse than the sum of its parts.

(Though it is funny to watch Vinny Del Negro's "coaching" in action. "We missed a couple of freethrows, they got a couple of offensive rebounds, we missed a couple of shots! NO BIG DEAL!!")

And there's your basketball post for the year (not including this one, yes I am Idiot).

*Angry watches Purdue basketball.

Hoarders and the Cubs

2009-12-15T13:30:00.002-07:00

Watching one of my new favorite shows on TV the other night, I came to the conclusion that it closely mirrored one of my other favorite things, the Cubs. And so a revelation was born: the Cubs are exactly like the families on the show, Hoarders on A&E.

Hoarders, along with it's sister show Clean House on the mystyle network, follows families and individuals that have an inability to throw anything away, no matter how meaningless. But the thing is, these people don't see trash as meaningless. Let's just put it this way, on one episode the hoarder refused to ever vacuum the massive amounts of dog hair that engulfed his house because he thought, and I'm not shitting you, that throwing out the dog hair would somehow kill his dog. Now, most of these people have serious mental or past issues that go way beyond hoarding, but it's amazing to see what people insist on having as value and will fight till the death to keep around.

So how are the Cubs like the people on Hoarders and Clean House? Let's see a couple of examples, starting with the news that the Cubs will keep the troughs in the men's bathrooms, despite promised upgrades. While most blogs seemed to cheer the idea of this sub-human way of doing one's business, would it not hurt to at least install some urinals? Or hey, here's an idea, how about more bathrooms? While most guys apparently enjoy going shoulder to shoulder with other dudes and having a fun round of "light sabers" or "Ghostbuster wars (don't cross the streams)" in-between innings, I for one prefer to use the privacy of a urinal. Then again, maybe I'm too "new school" or "have a small penis".

Another example is the stadium as a whole. No matter how old and how much concrete falls on people, most fans claim that if Wrigley Field is ever torn down that they will cease being Cubs fans. Why? Yes, nostalgia is great. But so are bigger tv's, food vendors that won't make you sick and, I don't know, seats where you can actually see the game. In the show Hoarders, they always let the families keep a small amount of items that they feel are precious or valuable enough to hold onto. Like say, the scoreboard for the Cubs. It's what gives Wrigley identity, and that's fine. But the puke smell, outdated concourses and seating can go. Somethings deserve an upgrade.

It's not only the stadium and it's contents that mirrors Hoarders, but the team itself. Look at the outrageous contracts given to players like Soriano, Fukudome, Dempster and Bradley. Talk about wanting to hold onto something forever. I would love to here the conversation between the people that go into these people's houses and Jim Hendry.

Hoarders: Now Jim, do you REALLY need this right fielder?
Hendry: Well, we paid so much for him. He really is valuable.
Hoarders: Is he really, Jim?
Hendry: Well, he didn't really live up to what the package said.
Hoarders: And?
Hendry: He doesn't play well with the other guys.
Hoarders: And what about that time he thought there were 2 outs?
Hendry: I understand he's not that good and disrupts the team, but he's so valuable. Someone will want him someday.
Hoarders: Is that what you thought when you gave him a three-year deal? That he would improve over time? Trash doesn't gain value, Jim, it loses it. It's like a car.
Hendry: Okay, I think I can give him away, but only for let's say a Manny Ramirez or Albert Pujols.

Clean House steps in.

Clean House: You know Jim, if you can't sell off Bradley, we're going to give him away to charity.
Hendry: Okay. Is Granderson still available?
Clean House: No Jim, you waited too long.
Hendry: How about Chone Figgins? Mike Cameron?
Hendry: Matt Capps?
Hendry: A dozen donuts?

I'm Sure As Hell Not Moving To Florida!

2009-12-11T14:20:00.005-07:00

This is a little disconcerting, as waxpaperbeercup generally knows their shit about the Cubs financial dealings.

So to review, the Cubs are going to leave Arizona for Naples (in 2012 or 2013), build a 15,000-seat stadium on 120 acres near Interstate 75, without one penny of property or sales taxes being raised. The Cubs, Esmark and the state of Florida have committed to “invest” in the project to make it happen. One-thousand jobs will be generated in the short-term and the yearly economic impact is conservatively estimated at $50 million per year.

It doesn't make sense for the Cubs to move to Florida for Spring Training, but then again, when does what the Cubs do seem to make sense lately. Hopefully this is just a ploy to get Mesa/Phoenix/Indians more involved and get a better facility out here in AZ. At least I hope so, as one of the proposed sites would be basically be within walking distance of where I live. Please Cubs, don't go!

We Really Don't Care (Thoughts on Existentialism)

2009-12-10T17:11:00.002-07:00

Since Jim Hendry was unable to pull of even the most basic of tasks during the Winter Meetings (at least he didn't come back with another Aaron I guess), we at COI will do the same, or not do the same, or do nothing. You know what I mean. Just like Hendry was more focused with the lunch buffet then getting rid of Bradley, we are more focused on other things than the Cubs, namely Existentialism. The first person to name this person reading Existentialism from Dostoevsky to Sartre wins a COI t-shirt (if we ever get around to making them). Good luck!

Tiger's Tail: Filet Mignon vs. McNuggets and Fries

2009-12-09T13:19:00.005-07:00

COI wouldn't stoop so low as to talk about the Tiger situation, now would it? You bet your ass we would. Really, I couldn't give two shits, and according to every sports radio and tv show, they couldn't either. But still it's the story that leads every god damn program. Even listening to the local fm radio show this morning the dj's were interviewing Frank Mir and asked him about Tiger. Fucking, can we get over it already? No, well, GFY!

The boys over at TMS and I have an email thread going throughout the day in which such important topics such as music, food, work and The Biggest Loser are discussed. No seriously, like HALF the conversation is about The Biggest Loser. As all great minds think alike, of course the discussion has turned to Tiger, and in true TMS thread form, the topic has taken a distinct twist. Namely, the focus is on whether or not Tiger chose to go after skanky whores instead of top-notch tail. Here are the excerpts from the thread, which is way more hilarious than if I just paraphrased.*

Tim: And Tiger, you're the most recognized, most popular sports figure in the world. Can't you do better than strippers, porn stars, and cocktail waitresses?

Andy: He's not trying to do better. He is using his wealth and fame to bang the girls in HS that would never so much as glance at his nerdy ass. C'mon, (Tim)! He doesn't want some MENSA member. He wants a dumb slut who he can fuck, discard, and maybe fuck again later. Maybe even some ass play. Living the dream for all the dorks and nerds who could never get laid in HS.

Tim: I sort of get that, (Andy), but still. When I was in HS, I wanted quality tail, not the blonde gum-smacking bimbo who was spreading for the football team. He could have fillet mignon and he's settling for McNuggets and fries. I'm not saying MENSA members, but there's plenty of high class snatch that would be willing to get Tigerized.

Andy: (Tim), you're almost certainly the exception then. Everyone wants that dumb whore to smack around. Fulfills some weird part of the male psyche. Forget the smart chick who looks like she might be freaky in the sack, and forget the uppity high-maintenance rich girl too. You want to debase the lowest common denominator, just to know that you can. Tiger looks like the kind of guy that never got laid in H or college. Then, the money came, and he's got some backtracking to do. Plus, the quality trim ain't exactly the type to enjoy or tolerate being treated like total garbage, used for sex and then never called again.

Mark: Yeah, but (Tim), he'd have to work a little harder for the high class snatch. Generally, they aren't nearly as slutty (or desperate for fame)...getting involved with someone classy would mean that emotions would have to get involved. That's a hassle.

Dan: (Mark), he has to work harder NOW, but he shouldn't have had to work that hard before this came out.

Tim: I think there's plenty of high class hoochie out there that would have been more than happy to bone Tiger, no strings attached. Those types of women, to my mind, would also be less likely to run off to TMZ to brag about how Tiger got a hole in one on their personal course.

Andy: I think you're dead wrong, (Tim), for the reasons (Mark) and I put forth. He wants to debase some girl who isn't gonna get emotionally invested. That's what his wife is/was for.

Mark: (Tim), you're right, he could score that kind of girl, but again, you'd have to put more effort into that. It's a lot easier to just go to a bar or strip club and have them come to you.

Tim: I suppose. I guess it's kind of like the Clinton-Monica Lewinsky thing. Ol Bubba wasn't going to find a classy broad who'd let him stick a cigar in her snatch.

Andy: Perfect analogy! He was the leader of the fucking free world, and he decided to get a BJ from a frumpy Jew. No offense, (Mark).

And then the conversation took another strange turn towards Jersey Shore, the new show on Mtv about guidos.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Bradley Watch

2009-12-08T13:29:00.004-07:00

Well, it looks like my wish of getting rid of ACB may be closer to coming true than I thought. Yesterday, after all the rumors and speculation about the only thing that matters in Cubdom lately (that would be the Bradley trade if you were sleeping during the past 4 months) came only one nugget of truth: Ryno will be the manager of the 2010 Iowa Cubs, moving him one step closer to becoming the manager of the Chicago Cubs. This is Sandberg's third promotion in as many years, and as a he was my favorite player growing up, I am happy to see his progression.

A lot of the other blogs will point out that Ryno's quick push has to do with the fact that there is a 90% chance Lou will retire after this next year. A lot of them will also point out that Sandberg isn't qualified to lead a major league club. A lot of them hate the fact that a former player will be the manager when there are plenty of other options out there (hey Bob, want to manage again?). Well, I hate to say it but I agree with them. Yes, I am probably one of the biggest Ryno lovers out there. I have over 110 of his cards, 5 Starting Lineups figurines (they're NOT dolls), his books, autographs and countless of other memorabilia. But I agree, he is too inexperienced for a big league club with big league attitudes. If Lou does leave, I would like to see an experienced manager come in for a couple years and put Ryno on the bench. Give him a couple years of experience and then promote him.

Whatever the Cubs do decide to do though, I congratulate Sandberg on his promotion. Now you can go back to all your Bradley talk.

Congrats Huskies, Eh?

2009-12-07T13:27:00.003-07:00

Oh yeah, well, mine is THIS big!

Following the Bears game this Sunday, Fox presented it's Bowl Selection Show, which we didn't watch because we were busy eating Angry's excellent Fettucini Alfredo followed by a couple games of Texas Hold 'em. And so it wasn't till this morning that I was able to view the teams the BCS picked for it's Bowl Games. I hope all you Iowa fans didn't purchase your tickets to Phoenix already, as the Fiesta Bowl will feature the two David's of TCU and Boise State in the battle of the unbeaten lower class schools. That should be exciting and a money-maker for Phoenix as well.

It's pretty clear that most of you were in the boat with me in wanting Texas to fall to Nebraska, thus messing up the whole Bowl selection process and hopefully giving the NCAA a serious look at reformatting the way the Championship game is picked. Unfortunately, the punter at Nebraska was paid off and kicked the ball out of bounds, leaving Texas to win on a field game with bought time. So this year is easy again, as the #1 and #2 will face off without any controversy. Thank goodness! Let's review where the alma maters and school favorites of the COI professors will be playing this year:

Notre Dame: errrrr....
Purdue: ummm.....
ASU: this is getting embarrassing....

NIU: The International Bowl against South Florida on Jan. 2nd! The Huskies had a decent year and despite not getting an automatic bid to a bowl game, they will travel to sunny Toronto, Canada for back-to-back bowl appearances, a first in the school history.

Go Huskies!

Brett Favre Fan FAIL #2

2009-12-04T17:18:00.002-07:00

It really shouldn't be this easy to find you Idiots.

Andre Dawson May Have Been An Expo, But The Hawk Will Always Be A Cub

2009-12-03T17:09:00.007-07:00

Looks like COI is back to the Cubs (enjoy the new header, Lazy). So much for the Bears season helping us forget about the awful Cubs season, so we look forward, much as we do as Cubs fans. I'm not sure what the weather is like in IL, but the cooler (in AZ talk that means 70 degree highs) weather in AZ can only mean one thing, Spring Training is right around the corner. And since the Cubs won't be moving out of Valley till 2012 anyways (HA! GOOD LUCK FL!) that means another year of tailgating, Dos Gringos margaritas, Rolly Fingers autographs and scantily clad ladies in the outfield to look forward to.

But alas, we are still a couple months away from P&Cs reporting. The news in Cubdom is slow...and vague...and speculative...and mostly boring (besides the great news that Ocho the Unlucky and Jake ~~the Snake~~ Fox are gone). Arbitration, Bradley, new billboards, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I finally got around to cleaning out my Google Reader of blog posts from the past 3 weeks that I hadn't read and this morning and I came across an article by the brilliant minds over at Another Cubs Blog. They are once again showing the Cublogosphere that they are really just a bunch of stat fags (as Mike over at The Bad News Cubs so lovingly nicknamed them) and really do hate the Cubs of yore, particularly the Cubs of my generation, the late 80s - 90s (except of course Sammy Sosa, who they gave great love to when he retired...and we're the Idiots?).

A while back, ACB stated that if Ryne Sandberg was to ever become the Cubs manager, they would become a Cardinals blog. While I don't expect to see Ryno calling the shots for the Boys in Blue for a while, it's pretty obvious his movement through the Cubs minor league organization is pretty much getting him ready for the position at the majors. While I love Sweet Lou, the Cubs probably won't be renewing his contract at the end of this year, and if only for the reason of having the haters at ACB stop writing about the Cubs I hope Ryno gets the job. ACB would perfect writing for those morans in St. Louis.

Spelling...it's kind of impotent.

Now ACB is all up in arms about Andre Dawson and if he is elected to the HOF, which cap should he wear.

I don’t particularly care one way or the other if Dawson gets in, but I’m going to be pissed off if he goes in wearing a Cubs hat. That’s just wrong and it’s terribly unfair to the Expos (now the Nationals) organization.

His explanation is simple, the Hawk had a much better WAR while playing with the Expos than he did with the Cubs. Holy shit, some math whiz found a statistic to prove his point. Of course that's typical for MB21 and a lot of baseball fans that like to show how much smarter and better fans they are than you by throwing out stats. I have watched or listened to every Cubs game for the past 3 years and have yet to hear about WAR on a broadcast. In fact, it took me 5 long minutes to find out what WAR actually is, and even when I did, I still have no idea why it is so important (please statties, enlighten me). The only thing I can understand is that it goes by the players importance to the team's win record. Wait, weren't the Cubs the worst team in the NL East the year Dawson won the NL MVP? Even though MB21 showed that the Hawk was 2-1/2 times better his rookie year using WAR, MLB still thought he was the best player in the league in 1987, despite his horrible WAR.

I understand the argument that Dawson's bust should don the Expos cap if he makes it, but as a Cubs fan (dare I say, "a REAL Cubs fan") I want that hat to be a Cubs hat. The Hawk was one of the greatest players for the Cubs at a time when the Cubs sucked. He brought people to the stadium. He made fans like me tune into WGN every afternoon. He was a class act and never complained like the right fielders that have followed him since (including ACB favorite, Sammy Sosa).

The Hawk is a Cub. Period. End of Story.

You can take your boo-hoo's for the Expos organization, MB21, and wipe your tears with your grandma panties and shove 'em up your ass. Yeah, you might be a Cubs fan first, and a baseball fan second, but I'm sure I can find some statistics to prove otherwise. If you haven't been paying attention to the last 100+ years, the Cubs are the most unlucky organization not only in baseball, but all of sports.

So if anyone is a real Cubs fan, you should want our best players in the HOF wearing OUR team's hat, not someone else's. I shouldn't have to take my kid to Cooperstown one day and explain to him that Dawson was one, if not the best, Cub of my generation, but he is wearing a hat of some defunct organization because he has a better WAR. That's about the point where I would want my kid to punch me in the balls and tell me to be a real fan, and not a stat fag. And finally, I understand that MLB has the ruling on whose hat a player wears into the Hall, but shouldn't the fans have a say as well? Do you think those frenchmen in Montreal really give a shit? Or DC for that matter?

But enough about what I think. Who's side are you on 'Merka? MB21 or Ginger's? Or maybe a Marlin's hat, right dumbass?