America..Fuck Yeah! Cubs...FUCK!

Happy Fucking Birthday America!

Wow, what to say about this great time in American history? First black president...worst assault on the environment ever...TEA BAGGERS (John Waters finally gets his due)! It may only seem like it's been since the birth of our great nation that the Cubs have won a World Series, but that's only because neither you, your parents, your grandparents and in the case of our younger "viewers" (did you ask your parents for written consent to read this?) your great-grandparents have seen the Cubs win it all either. But this is the year! At least that's what I wrote on an empty Old Style 12 pack case in Crayola crayons earlier this year.

Why is it that we need our pitchers to get within 2 innings or closer of a no-no for the Cubs to win? How did our Opening Day pitcher become the "Milton Bradley" of the NL? How did I become more interested in futbol than the Cubs? What is this rash on my ass?

Seriously though, on Monday and Tuesday the Idiots will again head out to the BOB, or whatever the fuck name the stadium is called this year to watch our beloved(?) Cubbies hopefully win a couple in the Valley of the Sun. Yeah, I WON'T be wearing my Zambrano jersey. Maybe this year we can take in some of the great features of the park, like the phallic-shaped swimming pool, the TGI Fridays in left field, or the kiddie batting cage behind home plate. Wait, that last one was just creepy. So sign us up for a couple of Sonoran Dogs, sushi, lattes and billboards telling us when to clap and cheer. Gotta love baseball where the AZ fans are just as clueless as an Argentine fan blowing his vuvuzela after the 90th minute of yesterday's World Cup game. Fuck, how did futbol work it's way back into this post? Well, gotta root at least one winning team.

Go Germany!


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Cubs Season = Sad Trombone

Image appears to be courtesy of Toothpaste for Dinner although I took it from some website that didn't give credit.

I tuned in today just as the top half of the 7th inning was starting. It didn't look too bad. Dempster was losing by a run but had struck out 9 and only given up a couple of hits. And then this happened. (Click to enlarge, but beware, you might want to get a puke bucket first.)

The Cubs of course followed up with their usual 1-2-3 inning.

I'm not wasting anymore time on this bullshit team for this post. The Idiots will catch a couple games in Phoenix next week where the Cubs meet up with the only team in the National league worse than them. And then I will be heading to LA to see the Cubs play next Saturday. Yes, I am a masochist.

GFY Cubs!



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Tony LaRussa: Drunk, Racist, Tea-bagger

Tony LaRussa, ye' ole' bastard, I love it when you give me something to write about other than sentences involving the words "Cubs" and "fire-barn". This week the Cards are hosting the D-Bags at Busch Stadium and the St. Louis Tea Party declared Tuesday, "Tea Party Night", which was of course followed yesterday by the weekly "Tea Bagging Night". The tea baggers party baggers (I got it right the first time) were out in full force to "buycott" the Arizona Diamondbacks...and get drunk and have sex with their siblings, but of course you already assumed that.

So, as we've reported earlier, Tuesday night was Tea Party night at Busch Stadium. The Cardinals were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks that night and the St. Louis Tea Party was there in force for a "buycott" in support of Arizona and its recent law to crack down on illegal immigrants.

As St. Tea Party founder Bill Hennessey told KSDK: "Part of the gate goes to the Arizona Diamondbacks and there are a lot of groups that are boycotting Arizona. We're "buy-cotting" Arizona."

But the biggest news of the night came when Cardinals skipper Tony La Russa expressed his views of the Tea Party and Arizona's immigration policy to KSDK.

"You're supposed to be able to have opinions and disagree, and a lot of things they (Tea Party) do I think are correct," said La Russa. "I'm actually a supporter of what Arizona's doing, you know, people don't fix your problem, and the government, national government doesn't fix your problem, and you've got a problem, they've got to take care of it themselves."

Oh, and after issuing that statement La Russa and the Cardinals went on to trounce the Diamondbacks 8-0.

Seriously, aren't these tea baggers supposed to be educated and intelligent?


Oh, yeah.

It's not that this article angers me, in fact, it makes me burst out laughing at how ridiculous it is. First, they're "buycotting" Arizona to help support the bill. Congrats, I'm pretty sure none of that money will make into the hands of the retards in the Arizona government, but good try. Then you have LaRussa's statement, which I've read twenty times and still don't understand.

"People don't fix your problem, the government, national government doesn't fix your problem..."

Yes, good tea-bagger stance there, continue.

"...and you've got a problem, they've got to take care of it themselves."

By which I'm assuming he means the state of Arizona, who are the people of Arizona, who LaRussa started out stating that don't fix your problem. Hitting it a little early, are we Tony? In related news, LaRussa went on to say, "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

Go Cubs?



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