Guest Post: Exiled in Cardinal Country

It's been pretty quite in here again. I'm thinking my lack of interest in the Cubs lately has been because they have been sucking lately. What? They are 7-3 in their last 10 games, swept Colorado, split with the Phillies, took 2 of 3 from the Rangers and just shutout the Dodgers? I don't know what kinda Lost sideways world (or whatever the fuck you Lost fans are calling it) you're in, but in my world, the Cubs are still doing shitty.

So...we're going to introduce you to a guest blogger: gooseneck. gooseneck writes over at The Bigfoot Diaries, which is a pretty good blog, and he posts regularly. You should really check it.

Since the move I have found myself enjoying life a heck of a lot more, and working a heck of a lot less. And with all that free time, I have been able to do something that I really haven't had the opportunity to do over the last couple of summers... Watch baseball.

I have been watching at least a game a day for what seems like weeks now, and while that might seem boring to most, it fits perfectly into my new world agenda of laying on the sofa in the evenings and watching television.

Now, as a Cubs fan one might expect most games I watch are of the Chicago National League team, but that really hasn't been the case. We nodded out of our Dish Network renewal when we moved and opted instead for Mediacom, which to those of you who live in Zimbabwe, is a cable television outlet.

Unfortunately for me however, Mediacom doesn't have the Fox Chicago regional channels, nor Comcast which hosts most of the Cubs games. The team Mediacom does feature most is that outfit in St. Louis, and despite my hatred towards the birds in red, it is nonetheless baseball, and my grievances towards Dish Network are such that I am willing to take a splintered baseball bat up the ass so to speak, at least for the duration of this baseball season. I am blessed with ESPN's coverage of baseball, and the occasional Cubs games on WGN. Other than that, it's at least one hated team on television virtually each and everyday. (I have found that it is just as fun to root AGAINST the Cardinals as it is to root FOR the Cubs because lately the Cubs have been just as good as the Cardinals have been bad. The satisfaction is all mine.)

To take the complications in my life even further, I work outside during the day. I mow big grassy fields and I have the luxury of being able to listen through headphones to an old transistor sports radio that I have had for years while I am working. The Cubs play alot of day baseball, which is nice. On a non-windy clear day I can pull 1350 KRNT out of Des Moines and listen to the Cubs broadcast with Pat Hughes and Ronny Santo. But most days in central Iowa are windy and cloudy, so reception isn't always there when I want it. There are several other stations close to 1350 on the dial that have a stronger signal that jam up the short term frequency of my non-digital sports radio. One of the stations that makes for a lot of interference into my baseball utopia is the local station KCOB, which lies at 1280 on the dial. It's a double whammy because when KCOB isn't playing cheesy country ballads that make me throw up in my mouth, they are playing... You guessed it... Cardinals baseball.

But my love for the game persists. Baseball is in it's purest form when it's broadcast on the radio, and despite the fact that John Rooney and Mike Shannon are complete buffoons, the Cardinals broadcast IS a step better than the suicide driving country music that the station normally plays. Let me elaborate for a minute... Ken Harrelson, who broadcasts television games for the Chicago White Sox is the absolute worst television baseball announcer in MLB history... Even worse than those tools who do the Fox coverage, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Harrelson's quirky little sayings and his personal politics are very unwelcome to a baseball broadcast and never mind the fact that he is a complete idiot, who inserts his foot into his mouth at least once a week during the long baseball season. Without the addition of Steve Stone in the booth, an announcer that actually has a brain, Harrelson would shrivel up like a dandelion shot with Round-Up during each broadcast, eventually spontaneously combusting into a stuttering cloud of incomprehensible smoke. His backwoods and hickish demeanor actually taints the splendor of baseball, and brings to MLB what Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders bring to the NFL.

Now if you are wondering where I am going with this, here comes my point. Mike Shannon and John Rooney are the two most boring and incompetent baseball announcers to ever do a radio broadcast, and they together are like Ken Harrelson times two. They remind me of a couple of old men telling fishing stories... Long drawn out yarns of the ones that got away, though done in a steady monotone that fails to excite, or to keep the listener from um... Listening. I find myself spacing off whenever these idiots are on, to a point that I forget that I am even listening to a baseball game. you NEVER get that with Santo and Hughes... The story they tell is full of wonder, vibrant colors and excitement. I am seriously shocked that Cardinal Nation hasn't revolted and lobbied to get these two morons out of the radio booth.

But yeah... I'm looking forward to summer and enjoying the national pastime. Baseball is as pure as it gets for entertainment, and never has a more perfect game been played. As a Cubs fan who is truly kept in exile, I am lobbying to you Cardinals fans to take the first step towards the revolt I spoke of and get somebody with a brain into the radio broadcast booth. If you don't have the common sense or the decency to do it for yourselves, please do it for me... And meanwhile I will be using the Mute button when the Buck McCarver sideshow is on.


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The Skipper Lous's One For The Cubbies (God These Titles Are Getting Horrible)

An early game meant that I was able to listen to the whole thing yesterday while at work. But before I recap the game, or whatever I do that you Idiots like so much (it's always good to insult your readership), let me briefly go off about the new MLB At Bat.

All the action of a baseball, without all the action = watching paint dry with my eyes closed.

You see this year, like every year, MLB.com changed it's format so that I can get every fucking stat known to man listed on my screen. While this would be great if I was staring at the screen, I am at work and tend to do work things. The thing is, the At Bat loads INCREDIBLY slow on my computer, and I have a pretty new computer. I can't imagine what it's like for people with, say, 5 year old computers, or even worse, dial-up connections. So I have to stop working for 15 minutes while the damn screen loads and then HOPE that the radio will come on. God forbid I want to mute the volume so that I can watch some viral video in-between innings (while I'm on break of course, I AM working). That shit just freezes up the whole computer and I get that twirly rainbow wheel for 5 minutes. So GFY and DIAF MLB.com and At Bat.

Okay, so the Cublogoverse is a little peeved at Lou for the game yesterday. And rightfully so. When everything Lou does seems to go his way, we love him, but when he continually goes against logic and reason, it is bound to catch up to him, as it did yesterday.

Example 1: In the sixth inning the Phillies have men on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs. Rollins, who is hitting .342, is up to bat. Dempster runs the count to 3-0, with 2 of those balls in the dirt. I was listening along and Pat was talking about how you have an open base, a worse hitter on deck, etc, you know, all those common things that make you sure that they will intentionally walk Rollins to create a force at any bag. Koyie looks into the dugout for the confirmation from Lou. But Lou doesn't want to intentionally walk Rollins. Instead, Dempster throws up a fastball that Rollins jumps on and takes it out of the park. Next batter, Ibanez, Dempster easily strikes out.

If Grabow was a sandwich, he would be a brisket on rye (cause he's a Jew)...topped with poop.

Example 2: Two words: John FUCKING Grabow!

Rock out with your cock out, Aramis! Wait, no, that's not what I meant. I guess that's better anyways.

Example 3: The Cubs crawl back into the game with homers from Lee and Fuku. Apparently the Phillies are only made up of dead people, or people I thought were retired and dead long ago, as Jose Contreras is pitching. A long battle with Soriano ends with him getting hit by the pitch and he advances to 3rd with no outs on a single by Little Babe Ruth, Mike Fontenot. Yeah, he's still on this team, I didn't know either. Castro strikes out swinging and it's the pitchers turn to bat. So what does Lou do? Puts in the worst Cubs hitter, Aramis Ramirez. Now yes, A-Ram had the walkoff homer a couple days ago, but since then and before that he couldn't hit Rihanna with a Chris Brown stick. Aramis runs the count to 3-2 and strikes out on a ball in the dirt. Soto pops out, game over.

You see, Mr. Yellon, the only way to have fun at a Cubs game IS to drink too much beer.

So yeah, I've tried not to talk ill about the Cubs, which pretty much means I haven't written anything since the season has started. But I'm sick and fucking tired of it. The Cubs get a good run going and then Lou steps in and blows it. I know I've said before that Lou is the manager and a hell of a good one. But sometimes it makes you wonder if he just wants to get back in the clubhouse and tie a couple on just a little too early.

Go Hawks!


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How(ry) Bad Is This Cubs Team?

This should be an exciting Cubs year. More than half the starters are hitting over the .300 line. We have a new, young prospect that is actually living up to the hype. The end result of last year's mistake (Silva) is pitching the shit out of the ball and already has more wins through mid-May than all of last year (5-0), and the rest of the starting pitching is doing pretty good as well.

But this year has thus far sucked. The team barely peaked at .500 and now hovers around the 5 games under mark. We have been almost swept twice by the Pirates. THE FUCKING PIRATES! Our power hitters, Lee and Ramirez, can't hit the ball. Our bullpen can't hold a lead.

And then shit hit the fan. Someone, be it Lou or Hendry, decided that in order to make this team better they should move the ace and Opening Day starter to the setup role. The guy you're paying almost $20 million dollars to pitch at most 20 pitches in a game a couple times a week. Yeah, that worked out. And so the worst experiment in Cubs history since the college of coaches has finally come to an end as Big Z was moved to long relief and then back to the rotation.

Nothing really angered me more than the Z move. Being my favorite player, I was obviously going to be pissed. Since then I've kinda given up and so has the writing. I listen to the beginning of games, but by the time I leave work they are usually around the 7th inning and by then the Cubs are either getting shellacked or are winning by a couple runs which I know the bullpen will give up by the time I get home.

The Blackhawks playoff push has helped. Big Buff and Niemi are having awesome runs and the Hawks are helping all us Cubs fans by winning. But now that Z is returning back to his rightful place, I might pay a bit more attention.


That was until I found out that the Cubs have resigned Bobby "Brown Spot" Howry. Howry was released by the D-Bags a couple days ago. Yeah, a team with an even WORSE bullpen than our own doesn't want the washed-up has-been. So of course Hendry goes out and signs him.

And so I stop caring once again. I guess I can get back to my "ways to be cool" list. See you on Saturday, Steve.


Go Hawks!


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Cubs Fans Unite In New Orleans For Jazzfest, Love of Pearl Jam

This past weekend I headed down to New Orleans for the Jazz and Heritage Festival 2010. I have never been to New Orleans before and we were lucky enough to stay in the French Quarter. The trip was awesome and featured a great combination of music and food. Some of the musical highlights included Widespread Panic, Chris Thomas King, a skinny Blues Traveler, Steve Martin and his banjo pickin' (yes, the comedian/actor) and a band I have wanted to see since a teenager, Pearl Jam. Foodwise, I noshed on egg rolls filled with alligator, grubbed down on shrimp etouffee and jambalaya, delighted in beignets, went on an oyster crawl that took us to 6 different restaurants where we tasted about 2 dozen oysters prepared in 10 different ways and had crawfish cooked in at least that many different dishes.

But this is a Cubs blog, and Angry gets, well...angry when I don't write about the Cubs. Unfortunately the trip took me away from AZ at the same time the Cubs played the Diamondbacks. Living in AZ, this would be one of the few times out of the year that I would be able to catch the Cubs on tv/radio (sans games on the Wagon and national broadcasts). Luckily, I was able to still keep myself informed via my phone's internet and was glad to see the Cubs take 3/4 games from a team that always seem to give us trouble.

So the purpose of this blog is to weave together my trip and the Cubs and being a Cubs fan this isn't too difficult as Cubs fans are everywhere, which at times can come in handy, as it did at one particularly perfect time during my trip. As I said before, I have wanted to see Pearl Jam live for a very long time now. I have seen over 100 concerts and pretty much every band I have ever wanted to see. Pearl Jam was on the short list of bands that I knew would be awesome live and I hadn't seen yet, but I was also directed to check out Chris Thomas King by a couple of the Exile on Clark Street music snobs. CTK played right before Pearl Jam on a different stage, though, so I knew we would be stuck in the back of the crowd when we finally were able to make our way to the main stage.

Finally, after a great show by CTK we headed over to the Acura stage to try to get a spot for Pearl Jam, but the crowd was much more than any of us expected. We headed around the back of the stage and tried to get into the crowd on the "less traveled" side of the stage, but it looked like people had been camping out since the early morning (which we found out they had been). We waded into the crowd, trying to find a small patch of ground which we could stand and crowd together.


Eventually we came across a couple that had laid out a small tarp at which the corner had a flagpole with a Cubs and Chicago flag flying. By this time it was apparent that nothing good was going to open up for us, so being a little inebriated and knowing that Cubs fans bind together, I asked if we could hang out for a little while so we could scope out the situation and also wait for my father who was meeting us after seeing a different band. I was wearing my Cubs jersey, so I hoped he would feel some sympathy for a fellow Cubs fan. The guy said he was expecting some more people later, but we were welcome to use their tarp as a base camp. My mother and girlfriend, who I had also gone on the trip with, weren't too keen on this so we moved on.

Chris and Tracy show off the Cubs coozie.

Less than a minute later, I was being called back. The guy said he didn't mean to come off rude and welcomed us back. Well, I was perfectly okay with this, as I saw nothing even remotely promising ahead of us. We hung out and learned that the couple, Chris and Tracy, were from Chicago and had been going to Jazzfest for over a decade. So what turned out to be a temporary spot turned into our hang-out for the entire concert. Chris and I talked about the Cubs and about how it would be awesome if they played "All the Way", Eddie Vedder's Cubs song.

Pearl Jam was better than I had hoped, even though I missed the first 15 minutes due to a bathroom break. Chris and Tracy were great hosts. I know a lot of Cubs fans like to rip on how we have a horrible fan base, but once in a while you meet a couple fans who give us a good name. So thank you, Chris and Tracy, if you read this, you made our Jazzfest an even more enjoyable experience than expected.



Pearl Jam "Kick(s) Out the Jams" MC5 style.

Go Cubs!


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