College of Idiots: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

As I mentioned before, I've got the World Cup Fever. This morning I woke up wondering about why, like most Americans, I think that soccer is a gay sport. Until the 91st minute of today's match against Algeria I was almost back on that train until

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

So until the U.S. is eliminated I can put away my frustrations, but here are a couple of reasons why I will probably go back to hating soccer when it's all over.

Like a deck of cards.

Flopping.
I understand it's part of the game and at times the game can in fact get a little rough, not hockey rough mind you, but maybe a little blood spilled once in a while. But most the time the injuries are so fake I'm often wondering if these guys took their acting lessons from the WWE. No, even they are better actors than most these guys. It's not just the flopping. It's the magic spray that makes the guy jump up and be healthy instantly. And god forbid the guy is actually injured, a bunch of men with a stretcher come running out in a scene that looks like it came directly out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. Didn't you ever hear of a golf cart?

Click here for more hilarious Vuvuzela photos.

Vuvuzelas.
The only thing I like about the stupid plastic horn that has provided the soundtrack of the Beautiful Game is BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Sorry about that, what I meant BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Goddamn it! It's a stupid horn made by a plastics company. It has nothing to do with your ancestry. Everyone hates them. But they do make for a good internet meme.

BURN. IN. HELL.

Shoddy refs.
You would think that FIFA would try to get more American's interested in soccer by NOT pissing off the few of us that are watching for the first time. Soccer refs are just as bad, if not worse than NBA refs. They still haven't said what the mystery call was from Game 2 and the horrible calls continued on to take another goal away today. This is from the fifa.com website:

Football is a global sport and its rules must be interpreted and applied with absolute consistency wherever the game is played.

What a bunch of horseshit! The refs aren't even full time, they are part time. Why not get someone who does this for a living? What is this, baseball? This is the same reason people hate baseball for stubbornly holding on to stupid traditions. Get with the instant replay. If a player scores and is deemed offsides, review it. You only have like one or two goals a game anyway. How much longer would it take to review each one? Hockey has it right, there is often too much going on on the field for the three refs to pay attention to. Give them an eye in the sky.

FIFA ref in training.

I have to learn stuff.
I hate learning. What am I in high school again? It's not a field, it's a pitch. It's not a jersey, it's a kit. It's not zero, it's nil. It's like this sport is purposely setup so whenever the English announcer is speaking I have no idea what he's saying. I can understand the Univision feed better. Speaking of which, thank God I have an ISP that ESPN selfishly went out and agreed to carry. I'm the only person I know that can watch the games on ESPN3. Stop advertising the shit out of ESPN3 if no one can watch it!

This jersey is as hard to get as a McDonald's Beanie Baby®.

Bandwagoners.
Am I jumping on the bandwagon? Sure, in a sense, but after today's win half the guys that used to write for Thunder Matt's Saloon who I speak to on email daily went out and tried to buy USA Soccer kits (that's jerseys, remember?). Apparently Nike totally underestimated the demand as they are sold out everywhere. That just tells me that everyone is on this bandwagon. Sure it's great for soccer in the US, but just like everyone that thought the US in the final game in the Olympics would propel hockey viewership, it did little, as this recent trend of soccer will also prove.

All this being said, it seems that I would hate the World Cup, but the opposite is actually true. I've enjoyed it much more than I could have ever imagined. I find myself fully awake at 7:00 in the morning, yelling at the refs, running around and screaming like a kid when the US scores and actually getting involved in soccer conversations. I haven't enjoy the Beautiful Game this much since I was a kid going to watch the NIU soccer team back during the Roy family dynasty. Hell, I've even watched much of the other matches not involving the U.S.

So the Cubs play today on a channel that I actually get during a time that I can actually watch. Will I be watching? Probably. But honestly I wish there was more futbol on.

For more and accurate soccer coverage, I suggest you head on over to Unprofessional Foul. They do it right.