New Kids On The (Blogroll) Block

Quick post as I might be getting headed away from the computer soon. I wanted to post a couple more Cubs blogs I found over the past couple weeks. I will add them to the Blogroll soon.

Fire Jim Hendry - Maybe not such a bad idea
Wrigley Bound
The Friendly Blogfines

Have a stellar weekend. Go Cubs!


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The Cubs are Hartless

The pains of pitching well for the Cubs...being sent to Pissburg.

It's a bad day to be a starting pitcher if you played in Wrigley Field today.

ESPN Chicago (and now Cubs.com) is reporting that John Grabow, the LOOGY the Cubs need to help out Marshall in the pen, is on his way to Chicago (or Florida actually). According to the story, the Cubs have sent Kevin Hart, Jose Ascanio and Single-A infielder Josh Harrison to the Pirates for left-handed pitchers John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny.

Kevin Hart started today's game and received the win, his third on the season. He will now languish in Pissburgh for at least the remainder of the season. Hart was known for his unfortunate photo which made him look like a serial racist/killer.

The pains of pitching for Houston...being sent home, forever.

The news was a little more harsh for Russ Ortiz though, Houston's starting pitcher for Thursday. After the game he was unconditionally released by the club. According to Alyson Footer, a Houston reported via twitter, Ortiz wasn't surprised by the decision and said, "I told them I understood. This is an important time of year. Obviously, they didn't feel like they can send me out there."

The Cubs take on a red-hot Florida team (how do we keep running into teams that are on winning streaks lately?) tomorrow. Let's hope L.A. starts being L.A. so we can get back in first...pitching to Pujols...ridiculous.

Go Cubs!



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6+1+2+1+2=11?

Goatriders uses the new math.

Go Cubs!


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The 12 Runs of July 29th

On the first run of July 29th,
Derrek Lee gave to me
A Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the second run of July 29th,
Aramis Ramirez sent to me
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the third run of July 29th,
Alfonso Soriano sent to me
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the fourth run of July 29th,
Alfonso Soriano sent to me
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the fifth run of July 29th,
Alfonso Soriano sent to me
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the sixth run of July 29th,
Koyie Hill sent to me
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the seventh run of July 29th,
Aramis Ramirez sent to me
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the eighth run of July 29th,
Derrek Lee sent to me
Eight innings from Randy Wells,
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the ninth run of July 29th,
Milton Bradley sent to me
Nine innings of shutout baseball,
Eight innings from Randy Wells,
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the tenth run of July 29th,
Jake Fox sent to me
Ten wins since the All-Star Break (only 2 losses),
Nine innings of shutout baseball,
Eight innings from Randy Wells,
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the eleventh run of July 29th,
Andy White sent to me
Eleven runs more than we needed,
Ten wins since the All-Star Break (only 2 losses),
Nine innings of shutout baseball,
Eight innings from Randy Wells,
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

On the twelfth run of July 29th,
Jake Fox sent to me
Twelve cold Old Styles
Eleven runs more than we needed,
Ten wins since the All-Star Break (only 2 losses),
Nine innings of shutout baseball,
Eight innings from Randy Wells,
Seven strikes from Mitch Atkins,
Six runs in the first,
Five substitutions,
Four turned double plays,
Three runs in one swing,
Two Cajuns in the infield,
And a Reed Johnson who was still injury free.

Go Cubs!

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It's Supposed To Be Fun

Soriano is the Magic Man...that's not a joke.

Seriously folks, can't some of you fans just be happy for once? The Cubs are finally playing up to their potential, and you still complain about last nights game. You are supposed to be happy when the Cubs win. Walk-off Grand Slams are exciting. I know the Cubs are the "lovable losers" and as the fans we should follow suit, but come on? We just won an extra inning game in the most exciting way possible. A couple of weeks ago, this team wouldn't have even made it to 13 innings. Remember when our bullpen was horrible and the only thing keeping us alive was our starting pitching? Remember when you were throwing Soriano, Bradley and Lee under the bus.

I listen to your arguments, but I'm not hearing them. Only black people can hear Jimmy:

Sweet Lou can't manage. He kept Z in the 7th to bat in a critical situation. But then you all complain about how bad our bench is. Did you forget that Zambrano had already hit a double in the game and was still pitching pretty well?

Little Babe Ruth can't bunt. Okay, that one is true. But for everyone to get on him for his lack of hitting is ridiculous. He's not a starting player. You all said he wasn't. And when the experiment has finally had enough sample size to prove you right, you act like you just discovered the secret to cold fusion.

Soriano was not the hero. He went 0-5 before being the hero of the game, including showing little effort in trying to reach first on a ball fouled off his foot in the ninth. But you are same fans that think Hank White is the greatest player ever because he hits a game winning home run...once!

Well, he shouldn't showboat, you say. Why not? What's wrong with having a little fun. After a 4 hour long game and not being able to hit anything for about 3 months, Soriano is showing a little confidence. In case you were still wondering, yes, that's a good thing.

I know I'm not the only to know this, but you wouldn't get that from reading all the blogs talking about Soriano's hand gesture as he was rounding the bases. He learned the gesture from watching Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Actually, American comedies are where Soriano learns most of his english. The move is called the Magic Man, and yes, I have the video to prove it.

Cal Becomes the Magic Man - watch more funny videos

So please Cubs fans, let's at least PRETEND to enjoy this hot streak the Cubs are having. We spent all year so far bitching and complaining, through injury upon injury, through horrible hitting and an even worse bullpen. FINALLY things are starting to click. Dempster is back tonight, try to act like you care.

Go Cubs!


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Just Like In Red Dawn, We Kicked Their Commie Asses. Wolverines!

After being swept by the Cubs, Reds fans go back to their Monday morning jobs a little depressed.

Cubs in first place (at least while I'm writing this and listening to the game)! Feels good doesn't it, stepping away from that ledge for a little while. Don't worry Cubs fans, I've setup shop on the COI rooftop with my Cubs lounge chair, a cooler full of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid (the Official Beer of COI), and my trusty Smokey Joe. I'm ready for the long haul.

A couple notes for the masses*:

1. Enough already with the Bradley trade rumor/debacle. Apparently Steve Stone tweeted that Detroit was interested in Bradley. Kap posted the rumor on his blog, and then the shit BLEW UP. I'm actually gonna have to side on Stoney on this one. He probably shouldn't be pretending to give news-related information, but all the blogs that tore him apart are just feeding into his stupidity.

2. Ted Lilly will be missed. Not checking my facts, his replacement is the 8th/9th Cubs rookie to make it to the 25 man roster this year. I blame myself, as Ted was Mr. July for my cursed calendar, and even though I have taken down said calendar, I keep forgetting to take it home and ceremonially blow that shit up. Hey, it worked for the Bartman ball.

3. Houston will be good a test to see if the Cubs can stay in first. The Thursday game is a makeup from a rainout earlier in the year. Remember the last time the Cubs played the 'Strohs in a makeup game?

4. Speaking of 'Strohs, over at TMS, they had a post about Hamms. Personally, PBR is my beer of choice for shitty beers. What's yours?

5. Congrats to Rickey Henderson. Although he was born in Chicago and played for 9 teams, he never made it to the North Side. He made it through his COI induction entire speech without referring to himself in the third person.



Go Cubs!
*Masses = our 3 regular readers.


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Congrats Buehrle, GFY Sox Fans!

Sox fans congratulate Mark Buehrle by showering him with Crystal Meth.

Congrats, Mark Buehrle on your Perfect Game. GFY White Sox and your fans.

I'm sure you left the game with your usual chant, "Cubs Suck, Cubs Suck!"

It's nice you got to witness a little piece of history though. I'm sure if you knew about it ahead of time you could have sold your season ticket seats to the highest bidder, just like you did when the Sox went to the World Series.

Luckily, most Sox fans were able to witness the Perfect Game, as 90% of them are unemployed. That is except for 25% of those fans that were busy selling crystal meth on the corner, or robbing hard working Chicagoans during their lunch breaks.

I see some of you have mastered the use of a computer though. Good for you. Let's look at some of the comments from the South Side Sox blog, in reaction to Buehrle's final out:

What's with the @mpersands? And, yes all men should do what women say, like when you tell your husband/brother to "Go get me a 24 piece KFC bucket, I need an afternoon snack."

You mean even better than that day the meth dealer was giving out 2 for 1 rocks?

Apparently some of you just found out about these computer things. It's called a keyboard. It's used to type things called words. Oh, that's right, you don't know how to spell, how silly of me:


And then of course, some douche-bag Cubs fan tries to join in.


Plus, it's good to know that our President and Commander of MethHeads wasn't too busy fixing the country and called to congratulate Buehrle. Way to give the right another thing to complain about.

Why is Ozzy always trying to make out with everyone?

So again, congratulations Mark Buehle on your perfect game. And fuck you White Sox fans, we still don't care about you. On the bright side, at least I don't have watch Brett Favre news for 45 minutes on SportCenter tonight, only 43.

Now excuse while I go and download the Erin Andrews peephole video. I'm sure THIS one won't infect my computer.

Go Cubs!


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Would Instant Replay Kill Lou Pinella?

In Monday night's game between the Twins and Athletics, a controversial call to end the game once again brought up the issue of whether or not baseball needs to include the instant replay. The play in question was when Michael Cuddyer tried to steal home after a wild pitch by Michael Wuertz (remember that guy?). The play was close and Cuddyer was called out. Review of the play though showed that in fact Cuddyer was safe. His run would have tied the game and at least sent it into extras. Instead, the game was over and the A's had come back from a 10 run deficit to beat the Twins.

MLB has already began to join the rest of sports to include the instant replay for home run calls, but purists still argue that to include it in other areas of the game would take away from the tradition of the game. Here are their arguments, and here are my reasons why they are bullshit.

1. The umpires have the final call, to let a machine do it or question them goes against tradition.

The tradition argument for me is the single worst argument for not including instant replay there is. Baseball is no longer just a game, no matter how much you want it to be. It is a business. The players and owners make millions of dollars a year. The tradition of baseball has gone the way of corporate sponsored stadiums, free agency, players strikes, steroids, Fox Saturday baseball (why can't I watch the Cubs on Saturday, even if I pay $200 for the MLB package?), $6 beers and so on. The point is, baseball is about money. If there is a way to make sure that the vested interests are protected, it should be done.

2. The umpires are right 97% of the time.

So if you're wife is loyal to you 97% of the time, that's okay too, right?

3. It would slow down the game.

Show me a bang-bang play where the manager doesn't come out of the dugout and argue the play. A quarter of the time the manager even gets kicked out, leading to more arguing, more antics and more litter on the field. I'm guessing this probably takes up more time than it would take for someone to look at the play in the booth and make the right call.

4. It would eventually lead to every play being reviewed.

This was the argument that proponents put out for football, and we all see that it's worked out pretty well. Slippery slopers will say, "Well, why not do it for balls and strikes then, they have the technology." Yes, it's true, and despite my argument about how baseball has no tradition, there is still the entertainment of the game. This involves yelling at the ump when you think the pitch is high and he calls a strike. Look, no one is asking to include balls and strikes, and I wouldn't even include outs at first in the plays that could be reviewed, but it's not that hard to tell if a player traps the ball or not, or if the runner slides in under the tag.

Here's my suggestion: Use the NFL model. Have each manager throw a red flag, or whatever. Let them dispute one call per game. If they win, they get one more, if they lose, you're done. This would limit the slowing down of the game, it would prevent everything from being reviewed, and it would still allow for the umpires to be forced to make the right calls, instead of relying on the instant replay.

The decision of whether or not to include instant replay in baseball is one that has been going on for a while, and each time a game is wrongfully won because of it's not being instituted is a tragedy. The NFL has used it for decades. The NBA now uses it for buzzer beaters and three point shots. The NHL uses it for goals. Hell, I even use it in the bedroom when my girlfriend complains that I finished in less than a minute and I show her it was a good 63 seconds.

MLB has taken a step in the right direction to review home runs, but more is needed to make sure the game isn't decided by a wrong call. Fair and simple.

Go Cubs!


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Nyjer Morgan and Juan Pierre: Long Lost Twins?

Are Nyjer Morgan* and Juan Pierre long lost twins? You make the call.

*Morgan occasionally refers to himself as "Tony Plush", which he says is his "gentleman's name".

Go Cubs!


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2nd Half...here we go

Would have been nice to take 3 out of 4 in that Cardinal series right? The question it...will it matter?



Yep...we saw one of his patented tape measure jacks tonight. It was not of the come from behind variety but I won't split hairs at this point. Aramis is starting to hone in.

I kind of laugh at the people who think the All-Star break came at the wrong time for Aramis. Right...because he was lighting up the world before the break. The truth is Aramis needed another 3-4 games worth of rehab before he came back. That was evident when he could not square anything up in that Cardinal series. You can't hold a good man down long and it appears Aramis is beginning to heat up.

This is not only important because he is our best hitter...he will take pressure off Soriano and Bradley. As sad as it is, these two guys make 8 figures and can't handle pressure. They are both athletes capable of carrying a team if not for their mental lapses. As it is, they need players like D Lee and Aramis to be rocks so they can pound pitchers who are mentally fatigued from dealing with a lineup with no holes. This is why a guy like Soriano does the most damage leading off and a guy like Bradley kills the ball DH'ing in the American League. Less pressure. They are about to experience the pressure level they signed on for...and this lineup will do nothing but improve (not that they can do much worse).

As for me...I am on the fence. I enjoy blogging but I find myself extremely busy with the day to day grind. I watch more games that probably 90% of the Cubs bloggers out there which contributes to my problem. I am not going to give you 2 to 3 weekly entries about Mexican food. I do hope I can be more motivated to provide decent analysis and wit for the upcoming stretch run though. Russ is busy 'interning'...





with another blog so I will do my best not to let COI drown in medicority.

BTW - Donald Driver...congrats. You are a marked man.

GFY FARVE!
Go Bears!
GO CUBS!
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COI 2009 Predictions All Star Break Recap

Normally this would be Angry Mike's job to recap his own predictions from the beginning of the year, but he is on hiatus and probably never coming back, so I will unfortunately bring you the recap as of halfway through the season (let's just call it half, shall we?). Of course, I will use no logic or actual research for my overview, so bare with me....and here we go. Mike's predictions will be in italics.

NL Central

1. Chicago Cubs - If the Cubs get 130 games out of Milton Bradley they are going to run away with this division. They have the best and deepest rotation and the best starting lineup. The outfield defense might be a little suspect with Fukudome playing out of position and Bradley a couple steps slower than his old self. The newly found balance in the lineup should offset most mistakes on defense. Look for Dempster to take a step back this season and for Marshall to become the best 5th starter in baseball. Yeah, that's about a thankless a job as being a standout special teamer in the NFL.

The Cubs are hardly running away, although pretty much everyone figured they would do so, so we're not going to fault Mike on this one. Unfortunately, we could probably do with less Bradley in the lineup than more. No one predicted the Cubs hitting would forget to show up this year, which has been their downfall, as Mike correctly predicted that the starters would be strong and Dumpster would of course not live up to his new contract. Because Hendry forgot to address the issues of lefties in the BULLPEN, rather than the starting lineup, Marshall has forced to move to the bullpen, which is actually where he belongs. Fortunately Randy Wells has stepped up, as Rule 5 never worked out and is now on the DL with a mysterious back injury. The biggest problem so far besides the hitting was the lack of a backup when E-Ram went down combined with our horrible relief pitching. Groggles has turned it around, but teams are starting to figure out that you can basically go to the plate and hold the bat on their shoulder if their facing Marmol. So yeah, basically everything has gone wrong. EVERYTHING!

It can't get any worse. Fortunately, Lee is back to hitting homers, E-Ram is back, and Soriano can't be this bad for the rest of the season. Can he? If the Cubs were in any other division, they wouldn't have a chance, but I stand by my bet that if any team in the NL Central wins it with more than 10 games over .500 I will let Lazy Steve kick me in the balls. That was although if he stepped up and contributed to the blog, but we all see how well that's going.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

2. St. Louis Cardinals - The Cards will be slightly better than last season. They have their closer situation figured out until Carpenter's arm falls off. Their rotation is about as soft as last season. The loss of Looper doesn't seem like much on paper but from Cubs fan standpoint I couldn't pick another starter I would prefer they lose. Ludwick will come back to the pack a bit and Ankiel will continue to be a huge douchebag.

St. Louis, while trading back and forth with Milwaukee for first place, no one is running away with this division. Their rotation has been holding up so far, and they still have Pujols. It will be back and forth with the Cubs for the remainder of the year. Look out though if they land Hollandaise from the Jays, but then again the Brewers got CC last year and we still beat them. Of course that was last year.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place

3. Cincinnati Reds - I have to say I am fairly impressed with their young talent. I was actually going to pick them to finish second but then I remember who manages the team. Dusty....these poor bastards. I hope Red fans don't count on Volquez and Cueto lasting the season. They should be due for their first Tommy Johns surgery at about the midway point of the 2009 season.

The Reds have stuck around but have been Dusty'ed back to sucking.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 5th place

4. Milwaukee Brewers - Well, they lost the fatass pitcher who propped them up long enough to sneak into the playoffs. They played well last season until the Cubs showed up at Miller Park to rip out their still beating hearts. Fielder and Braun are a formidable 3-4 punch but the rest of the lineup is as pedestrian as ever. Oh, Kendall is another year old. They MAY finish above .500.

Surprisingly with the loss of their pitching, the Brewers have been battling it out and keeping their heads above water. Is Ryan Braun the biggest douchebag to ever live? Probably. Fatty won the Home Run Derby. Wisconsin still loves porn and fireworks.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place

5. Houston Astros - What can I say about the oldest team in the majors? Oh, I know, they suck. Besides their pussy ass first baseman (maybe he is allergic to lightning) and the stupid fuck right fielder they don't have much talent. Tejada will continue to regress and might possibly end up in jail. Their pitching staff is a joke outside of Oswalt. They would be dead last if not for....

We still kick the Astros ass, but they have gone on a little run and are currently tied with the Cubs for 3rd place. Don't expect that to last though. If only Soriano could play every game in Minute Maid park, he would have a 80 homer season.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place

6. Pittsburgh Pirates - I know they had a bunch of minor leaguers in their but how the HELL do you lose to a juco? I imagine the Pirates will resemble the team that lost 8 of their first 9 to the Cubs, but worse.

Ginger's Duh: 6th place

NL East

1. NY Mets - I really like the K-Rod signing and the Putz trade. I also really hate the Perez resigning. Their starting pitching is hit or miss with the exception of Santana but their lineup should be potent enough to hold of the Phillies and Braves. Oh, no more Shea Stadium, yay.

The Mets are the Cubs of the Eastern Division. They basically lost all their players to injuries and none seem to be coming back soon. Can't say I feel bad for them though, I mean they are the Mets.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place

2. Atlanta Braves - The Braves made a nice move grabbing Lowe but it won't be enough to beat out the Mets. Peavy might have put them over the top but he didn't want to swap one apathetic fan base for another.

I don't know, get me out of the Central and I really don't follow them. They've been mediocre, I guess.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place

3. Philadelphia Phillies - I am going to say the same thing about the defending champs that I did about the Diamondbacks last season. Last season was a fluke. Sure they have a nice lineup but they barely held off the pitching challenged Mets last season and their playoff run resembled the White Sox run in 2005. The stars just lined up. Maybe now all those crusty fucks in Philly will cheer up. Nah, they still live in Philly.

The Phillies have proven that last year was not a fluke, so far. They still have the core of their players doing as well as last year and with the Mets injuries and the rest of the league sucking, it shouldn't be a problem for them to win this division easily, although signing Pedro may show signs of weakness.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

4. Florida Marlins - Again, the Marlins are full of talent but they are at least a year away from competing. Their staff is nice but their bullpen and lack of experience in the lineup will hold them back. In the most competitive division in the NL only the Gnats will keep from from finishing in the cellar.

Hey, Florida, are you okay?

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place

5. Washington Nationals - Should be a nice competition between the Gnats, Pirates, and Padres for most pathetic NL team. But hey, at least they wasted a bunch of money on Adam Dunn.

They fired their manager and now have the Cubs old skipper. Still the Nats are the Expos (not the Senators, the Senators are now the Rangers, you think a baseball blog would know that).

Ginger's End of Season Predicition: DNF

NL West

1. Los Angeles Dodgers - Their starting pitching is suspect but I think they will stay in it long enough to correct that around the trade deadline. Manny will cool off a bit but will still hit somewhere between .300 and .330 and will surely drive in around 120. His impact on the rest of the team will continue to be felt. I'm thinking they take the division the last week of the season.

Mike was a little off in the West Division, although the Dodgers are going to win it, but instead easily. Until the past month, it wasn't even close, even with Manny being Barry and not playing for 50 days. The Dodgers are solid and will continue to pull away for the rest of the season. Manny will still be a douce.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

2. Arizona Diamondbacks (Wild card)- The Diamondbacks didn't lose much and added Garland to their big two. With more experience Young should cut down on his strikeouts. Reynolds will probably throw up 25-30 homers and strike out over 200 times. Unless Jackson can find some sort of a power swing their won't have enough offense to hang with the Dodgers. Scherzer is the x-factor. If he makes an impact this season they might be able to sneak by the Dodgers.

Wow, the D-Bags suck this year. I live in this town and they don't know what is going on. Right now they are trying to figure out who to get rid of, so their season is shot, although at 17 games under, it's no surprise. I should be rooting for the home team, but fuck em, they always beat the Cubs and their fans are retarded so I'm happy they suck.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 5th place

3. San Fransisco Giants - I'm not really sure why the Giants signed Johnson. I mean the guy is only hanging on to get his 300 wins. If he actually cared about getting to the playoffs he probably would have resigned with Arizona. This team will not contend until they find some way to fill their cleanup slot with someone other than Bengie Molina.

The Giants have two good things going for them: Bob and Howry. Just kidding. Hippy Boy is probably going to win the Cy Young again and Cain came out of no where to be another one of the best in the league. If the Giants add hitting, look out LA Mannys.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place, Wild Card

4. Colorado Rockies - They basically threw in the towel on last season and this season when they traded Holiday to the A's. They are again in a rebuilding mode and not unlike the Astros, the only thing keeping them from the bottom of the standings is a colossally shitty team.

The Rockies best pitcher is Marquis De Suc. 'Nuf said.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place, a LONG third place

5. San Diego Padres - Oh, I'm sorry, was that last comment kind of harsh. No, it wasn't. This organization should really be ashamed. They have a relatively new park and a fairly simple fan base with a decent amount of disposable income. There is no reason they should be in a position to have to their ace pitcher because they are that terrible. Let's just consider them the Broncos of the NL. I mean they WILL end up trading their best player to us before the season is out.

The Padres are where dead Cubs go to die if Orioles won't take them. It wasn't hard making this prediction, although they will finish ahead of the D-Bags.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place

Rookie of the Year - Cameron Maybin, Marlins

Ginger's Rookie of Year - Randy Wells, Cubs

Cy Young - Carlos Zambrano, Cubs

Ginger's Cy Young - Tim Lickmycum, Giants

MVP - Manny Ramirez, Dodgers

Ginger's MVP - Albert Pooholes, Cardinals

Honestly, I know even less about the AL than about anything outside NL Central. I might as well be a blind judge in a wet t-shirt contest, so instead of faking my way through each team, I will give my predictions and nothing else. Of course you would probably get better advice if you just ask the homeless dude on your way to work, but here goes:

AL Central

1. Cleveland Indians - This pick hinges on Hafner. If he can bat .250 and hit 30+ homers this will be a scary lineup. The additions of Wood and DeRosa will provide them flexibility in the pen and in the field. Of course Cliff Lee could revert back to his old self and completely destabilize the rotation. Honestly, this division is kind of a toss up.

Ouch Mike. Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 5th place

2. Minnesota Twins - The Twinkies have a solid lineup with Mauer in. Without him they are much less effective. They have multiple players on the DL to start the season otherwise I might pick them as the favorite. I expect for them to continue their dominance at home and possibly sneak into the playoffs.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place

3. Detroit Tigers - There is no way this team can play as bad as they did last season. Cabrera is sure to get off to a better start than he did last season and I would expect Verlander to be much improved. That being said, I don't think they have the depth to win the division. If they avoid any major injuries they could compete. That's a big if.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place

4. Chicago White Sox - Speaking of lack of depth. The Sox lack depth in their everyday lineup and in the rotation. On the bright side of things their staff probably outweighs every other rotation in the league. Ozzie will do just enough to keep his job once again. The next Sox fan to compare the Ozz-hole to Ditka is going to get drilled in the face by yours truly.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

5. Kansas City Royals - Much like the Marlins they continually have young talent. Unlike the Marlins, they never seem to pan out. Time for guys like Gordon to put up. This is the only team with no chance of winning the division.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place

AL East

1. Boston Red Sox - The Red Sox simply have too much depth for the rest of the division. My gut says to go with the Yankees revamped lineup but the Sox have too much pitching. Their major contributors are getting older so injuries could become a problem. As long as the rotation stays moderately healthy they should be able to hold off NY. As a side note, it's become official. The Red Sox fans have overtaken Yankee fans as the most insufferable fans in baseball.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

2. New York Yankees (Wild Card) - I like all of their moves except the Burnett move. That one will eventually hurt, but not much. This is the only team in baseball that money is truly no obstacle for. If something is broken they will make a trade before the deadline and get into the playoffs. Isn't it fun to watch the NY fans chew Jeter up? To think they are just now realizing he is completely over rated and over paid.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place, Wild Card

3. Tampa Bay Devil Rays - As good of a story last year was I don't expect a repeat. Their first mistake is starting Price down at AAA. It has to come down to economics. They are going to try to keep him away from arbitration as long as possible and it is going to hurt the team. In this division they really need his arm. Hopefully someone other than Kazmir or Shields arm will fall off and they will be forced to bring him up. Short of that, they miss the playoffs.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place

4. Toronto Blue Jays - They finally got rid of the albatross that was Burnett's contract. Now if they could just take back that Rolen trade. In a couple years they may be able to compete but they are just wasting Halladay's talent at this point.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place
5. Baltimore Orioles - Most ex-Cub can't miss prospects of any team out there. Yeah...

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 5th place

Honestly, why do they even play, just let Boston and the Yankees in the playoffs and be done with it.


AL West

1. Los Angeles Angels - The loss of Tex is going to hurt but not as much as some thing. Their season will come down to how quickly the front end of their rotation can get healthy. They don't have the pitching depth they once had so they really need Lackey and Santana back quick. Fortunately, their only competition is again devoid of pitching.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 1st place

2. Texas Rangers - Even without Bradley they still have a stellar lineup. Salty is getting better and Hamilton will likely put up MVP numbers. Good God are they ever going to put any pitching together. You would think after countless years of getting close but never having the pitching to put them over the top they might figure it out. Nope. I wonder how Young is going to adjust to 3B.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 3rd place

3. Seattle Mariners - They got Junior back. They also got minimum chances of winning this division. Should be fun watching Hernandez do his best Zambrano impersonation all year though.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 2nd place

4. Oakland A's - I honestly think this team is going to be terrible but it is hard to completely count out a team assembled by Billy Beane. I think he may have gone too far but if they play their cards right and some of the pitching prospects they have pan out they could be a year or two away from reigning in this division again. But hey, I'm sure Billy thought of that already.

Ginger's End of Season Prediction: 4th place

Rookie of the Year - David Price, Rays

Ginger's Rookie of the Year - I

Cy Young - CC Sabathia, Yankees

Ginger's Cy Young - Have

MVP - Grady Sizemore, Indians

Ginger's MVP - No Idea

Playoffs

NL - Cubs over D'backs, Dodgers over Mets, Cubs over Dodgers (sweet sweet revenge)

Ginger's NL - LA over Cubs (at least we win a couple and make it interesting this time), San Fran over Philly (it's a 5 game series, SF will this over everyone), LA over SF

AL - Red Sox over Twins, Angels over Yankees, Red Sox over Twins

Ginger's AL - BoSox over MethHeads, LA over Yankees, LA over BoSox (apparently the Angels gave up in Mike's version and Boston and Minn played again in the ALCS)

World Series

For the sake of not jinxing them, Red Sox over Cubs in 7.

Ginger: I fucking hate LA, oh wait I picked LA vs. LA. Lets go with the Dodgers. ARGGHHH!!!

Go Cubs!


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Cubs Fellate Themselves

From ESPNChicago:

The Chicago Cubs will announce today that they have signed left-handed pitcher B.J. Ryan to a one-year, minor-league deal, according to a Major League Baseball source.

Ryan will report to Mesa, AZ where he will receive many "BJs" from bored coed ASU students with nothing better to do than tan and blow baseball players.

BTW, two oral sex references in less than an hour. SHAM-WOW!

Go Cubs!


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NIce Guys Finish Gash

Leo Durocher combines my two favorite hobbies: baseball and cunnilingus.

COI Quote of the Moment:

Kid, show me a man who doesn't go down on his wife and I'll show you a man whose wife I can sleep with, tonight.

- Leo Durocher, former Cubs Manager.

Original article from Deadspin.
Title from Deadspin commenter.

Note to five readers: posts will no longer be funny, relevant or original.

Go Cubs!


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Cubs Security Racist, WWII Style

When you think of the face of the Cubs you might think of Harry Caray, or Ernie Banks, and perhaps even Ron Santo. But one person you may not think of is Yosh Kawano.

Yosh was the longtime equipment manager of the Chicago Cubs, starting his tenure in the mid 1940's. Last year he was forced into retirement, although returns often to the place of his employment since then. That was until a couple weeks ago. According to the Sun Times, he went to the field to visit with the grounds crew on an off-day and was kicked out of the park by security guards. Now the Cubs organization is looking to apologize, and rightfully so.

Yosh is probably the greatest member of the Cubs organization, EVER. A flag hangs in the concourse with his name and a photo of him with his trademark floppy hat, which now sits in Cooperstown. In 1984, the Cubs clubhouse was named after him and Ryne Sandberg has even suggested that if they were to ever change the name of Wrigley Field it should be Yosh Kawano Field.

Yosh can even be ssen in the COI banner, alongside the '62 Cubs. He's the little guy sticking out on the far left in between the second and third rows.

I call for a full, printed apology by the Cubs to Yosh for the dipshittedness of it's employees. I also would like to see the security guards who kicked Yosh out be at least suspended, if not fired.

This has been tough year for Cubs security. Earlier in the season, a cat ran onto the field and was abused by a Security Guard until he was finished and then threw the cat into the stands for fans to do with it as they wished. The actions towards the cat angered members of the Anti-Cruelty Society of Chicago and PETA.

And so Cubs security, you are on notice, and the current COI Idiot of the Moment... for the Yosh incident, we hate kittens at COI.

For your efforts, Yosh, you are our COI Hero of the Moment.

Go Cubs!


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Depressed? We have the answer.

Sometimes I'm glad that I don't get to watch the games. This one was bad enough just listening to it. But then I remember that there are more things in life than just baseball. Like beer. And steak. And girls.

Click here to erase your memories of the Cubs last game. See you tomorrow!

Go Cubs!


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Obviously You're Not a Golfer.

Hey Walter, go get Dumpster a toe. He prefers Cubbie Blue nail polish though.

So Dumpster and now Sir Smokes A Lot? I can't blame the cursed Cubs calendar for these injuries. I don't believe in God, but if I did, I would say he is one cruel SOB. Just as we get E-Ram, White Slice and Angel back we lose two more, and both from freak accidents.

Ted Lilly, Champion of America

Just as the Cubs start to turn it around, they fall back down. Last year we had 8 All Stars. EIGHT! This year we barely get in Ted Lilly. Congrats to Ted, but if it wasn't for the every team has to have one player rule, we would have zero. And the thing is, we still have all the All Stars from last year on this team this year minus one. And Kerry was a pitcher. Pitching hasn't been the problem this year, at least starting pitching. Add in the addition of another All Star from last year in Bradley, and we basically have the same team as last year, but with more batting. At least that's the way it was supposed to be. I don't blame Hendry, no one saw this coming.

Proposed bronze statue of Sam Zell to be placed outside of Wrigley Field.

The Cubs sale is seriously never going to end. Just as ESPN reports that the deal is done, we hear that Zell is bringing Utay back into the fold. Mother-fucking-cock-sucker!

Levitra...get it? Cause the Cubs offense is limp.

Bad Kermit is writing about how Cubs fans would rather continue losing instead of change the name of Wrigley Field. For once I agree with him. At the moment of writing this, 30% of fans wouldn't change the name. And WE'RE the College of Idiots!?!

DeRosa is not really a baseball player, he just plays one on tv.

Sorry Cub female fans, DeRosa will not be playing when the Cards come to town this weekend. I know Hitler is pissed as well.


Hey kids (and adults alike!) now you can follow us on Twitter. Why? Because we bow down to every internet fad there is, that's why ...facebook.

Now send in that keyboard playing cat. Yes I know this this youtube shit is old and redundant, but until the Cubs start winning again, instead of "Go Cubs Go", you get Keyboard Cat. Deal with it...



Go Cubs!


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STFU!

The Riot: Still Dippin'

Shut The Fuck Up!

I give you 5 recent reasons the Cubs will still make it to the playoffs this year:

Neal "Fucking" Cotts to get Sandy Vagina Surgery
Apparently the sand was too much and had moved up to his arm, thus causing Cottsy to suck ass. The surgeons will go in through the elbow and try to clean out all the sand, but the surgery will end Cotts' season. Darn!

Cubs acquire Jeff Baker for the largest city in New Mexico
Alberto Albuquerque was sent to Colorado in exchange for Baker, who we will now refer to as McDreamy #2 because A)He isn't a midget, like the rest of the Cubs middle infield and B)He can play the outfield as well and C)He is pretty dreamy, don't you think? (huh?)

Freel released into the wild, Farney can stay
Farney will now move into Aaron Miles head, well, because Miles is already Ojo the Unlucky, a munchkin from the Emerald City of Oz. In related news, Miles will immediately be placed on the DL after returning because he sucks ass and Cottsy needs someone to feed him Fruit Loops while he's recovering in hospital after getting all the sand out of his vagina.

Ramirez will return tonight, oh wait, that's the other Ramirez
Is it just me, or is it a coincidence that both Ramirez's stopped playing baseball and will return to baseball at basically the same time. Isn't that ironic, don't you think?

Beer is still cold, sun will still rise in the East, Cubs will still play baseball
Don't give up yet, there is still half a season left and no one is running away with this division. The Cubs could still be anywhere from first to last place before the All Star Break. If any team wins this division with more than 10 games over .500 I will let Lazy Steve kick me in the nuts...that is if he ever decides he wants to be part of this blog again.

Go Cubs!


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