Clearance Sale: Gary Sheffield

Future Star? I highly doubt that!

The Detroit Tigers released Gary Sheffield today. This will be his first season in 20 years that he will not have a job. The even bigger story is that the Tigers will still have to pay to Sheffield his guaranteed $14 million salary for this year. After 48 hours, any team will be able sign him at the league minimum salary, which is $400,000. That's a $13,600,000 price reduction (if my math is correct). But with most rosters already locked up, and no one looking for a DH, it looks as though Sheffield's days are done, finishing his career one home run shy of 500.

Over at Chicago Cubs Blog, they posted a listing of other free agents still looking for jobs this year. With the amount of ex-Cubs on the list, I bring you the Cubs "I wish I still had a job" starting 2009 lineup:

LF: Moises Alou and Luis Gonzalez battle it out, but Moises and his pee hands and cry-baby attitude win the position.
CF: Jim Edmonds returns. We heart Lassie?
RF: Slammin Sammy is back in Chicago. Viva Musica Salsa! I'm sure our starting catcher will be happy.
3B: Hell, why not let Ronny play?
SS&2B: Mark Grudzielanenk can play both positions, right? Shit, might as well let him platoon the entire left side of the infield. Back up to the both Ronny.
1B: Hey, Daryle "Monty" Ward is back too!
C: Look Gabor, you DID make the team...the team of LOSERS!
SP: Just like last year, Jon Lieber will start the season pitching for the Cubs.
Closer: Will Ohman, because he can give you that, "OH, OH, OH-MAN" face.

There you have it, your free agent Cubs team.

Go Cubs!

Update: Both the Phillies and Reds are looking to procure Sheffield for the league minimum. I'm sure those 100 year old legs still work in the OF, right?


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Ask And You Shall Receive.

Cubs Cuties has done it again. As per my indirect request, they bring you Cubs, cuties AND beer!


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COI Idiot of the Moment: Carlos "I'm Not Obama" Marmol

"I don't think it would've made a difference," Marmol said. "They knew what they were going to do before I got here. That's why I say there's not competition."

"I think it's good for the team," Marmol said. "I guess it's good for the team."

This was the Marmot's reaction to Sweet Lou's decision to anoint Kevin Greg the new Cubs closer.

I like Marmol, and despite a small rocky patch last year, it looked as though the job of closer was his to lose. Last year he led the majors in strikeouts (114) for relievers and set a franchise record with 30 holds. Unfortunately, the more the kid worked (he's only 26) the more predictable he became. Marmol has filthy shit to say the least, but with that comes a breaker that more often than not will drop out of the strike zone. Hitters started figuring this out and just started laying off the early pitches. Then, when Marmol would be down in the count and forced to throw a fastball he started getting rocked.

He turned it around at the end of the year, but the Winter and Spring didn't bring back the old stuff. After giving up the game losing hit for Team Dominican Republic, he failed to bounce back in Arizona. Marmol has given up four runs and six hits in nine innings. He still is filthy with twelve K's but leads the team with 5 hit batsmen.

The other factor that made Lou's decision a bit easier is that Gregg has been lights out this spring, and has yet to give up a run this spring in over 8 innings of relief. We all know that Lou plays the "what have you done for me lately" game and this includes Spring Training.

What sucks though was the Marmot's reaction to the decision. Fortunately, Lou quickly put him back in his place and gave him "the talk" on Monday and everything seems to be better as Marmol struck out two in one inning later in the day. He also claimed he would not make Gregg his enemy, which is good because despite the fact that Kevin wears glasses on the mound, he would probably go Zambrano (vs. Barrett) on Marmol's ass if it came to it.

We will see if the Marmot can be as lights out in the setup position this year as he was for most of last year, which gave him a trip to the All Star Team. If not, I wouldn't be surprised if by next season he goes the way of the last fucker to mouth off to Lou - Jason Marquis De Suc, who complained last year that he didn't want to be on a team that "wouldn't need his services" as a starter.

Sorry Carlos, but I'm putting you up for now as the COI Idiot of the Moment. Don't worry though, the season is just around the corner, and I'm sure the Idiots will be popping out of the woodwork soon enough. Plus I'm tired at looking at former Governor Dumbass.

Go Cubs!


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All Good Things Must Come To An End: The Story Of Gabor Paul Bako II's Spring Training Journey

Lilly just wanted to see McDreamy's sculpted calf muscles run around those bases.

As Angry Mike previously reported, the Idiots traveled to their final Spring Training game this Sunday. I will definitely miss this time of the year when the weather is perfect, the Old Style and margaritas are cold, the ladies are scantily clad and I am reminded again why I chose to relocate to the Valley of the Sun a couple years ago. The game marked the ninth(?) outing for the Idiots and the 3rd in 4 days, including a wind-shortened night game in Scottsdale, a half-day of work on Friday, and Sunday's final outing which brought 2 ex-Cubs back to Hohokam.

A couple highlights from Sunday's game:

1. The invention of the snack, "Death by Processed Cheese"

Step one: Gather Ingredients - One Cheese Puff, Nacho Cheese, and a single slice of American Cheese

Step two: Assemble

Step three: Enjoy! (This snack is not approved by Weight Watchers)

2. I decided to get some pictures of batting practice before the game so I traveled up to the outfield fence. Lazy Steve's camera was not working for me, but I was able to catch Milton Bradley cracking the shit of the ball and hitting virtually every shot out of the park, one of which I was able to procure. (Before you get all pissy, I offered to the kids nearby, who said I could keep it because they already had 10.)

Lazy Steve and I hump the "Smart Car". You know, because owning a car like that is so gay.

3. The return of McDreamy was spectacular, and I learned that you have to hit the ball OVER the "Green Monster" at Hohokam for it to be a home run. That was still his hardest shot, although the other 2 counted for actual home runs.

There is something so wrong about this picture. As you know, I hated to see him go.

4. While walking by the pitching pen, I noticed Kid K watching the game. Hoping for a photo-op, I yelled out his name, and he obliged with a peace sign. I was hoping for the classic "double bird" as he did for some fans last year, but I will take what I can get.

5. Although the Cubs lost, the day ended perfectly as the Idiots headed a couple miles West to Casino Arizona, where Lazy Steve and I both ended up winning.

Well, real baseball starts back up in less than a week. Lou has made the most difficult decisions, naming Firsty-Firsty the closer, giving GPB2 the boot and Crazy Fingers the backup catcher position. And the Hofflepuff showed Lou that he has enough power to disregard his lack of defense or position to make the team. Now he just needs to finalize the bullpen (if Rule 5 doesn't make I will be extremely surprised) as the Cubs will finish this Spring Training traveling to NY, NY to open the new Yankee Stadium.

Thanks again to John from WAIW for the coozys and Tim from Boys of Spring for letting the Idiots tour the press area at Hohokam. We can still hope for next year for the anticipated COI-FOTG drinkfest. Until next year, Spring Training is now dead to the Idiots, but now the fun really begins! Or the pain, whichever you prefer. Being Cub fans, you know it's the latter.

Go Cubs!


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COI's final Spring Training extravaganza

Well it appears that today was the final outting for the Idiots. It was another beautiful day in Mesa, the type that makes me realize how much I am going to miss Spring Training. Sure, the Cubs will be down for their annual beatdown by the Diamondbacks in about a month but there is definitely a difference between these meaningless games and the regular season. What will I miss the most? Hard to say...

The tailgating? We reached new heights this year. New additions included the canopy and the two tables-in-a-bag which provided Ginger Russ and I an excellent cooking area and ample beverage/food stowage room for everyone. The Weber Baby Q rocked everything from chicken wings to pork tenderloin. Yeah, it's safe to say we don't fuck around when it comes to food. I continued my dominance in washers and it seems I managed to figure out bags after a few games with new friends we made.

The games? What can I say about the games? I thoroughly enjoy myself whenever I am outside watching professional baseball. Sure, they don't mean anything but by the end of the Spring I do end up with about as good of an idea as most beat writers as to who will be contributing to this team. You can take that for what it's worth.

The autographic crazy toolbags shoving children out of the way so they can get one more signed item up on Ebay? NO!

The truth is there won't be a single thing I miss most. It is the combination of the family, friends, weather, and baseball that make Spring Training a special time of the year. The good news is I don't have to lose all of these cold turkey. Meaningful baseball will pick up April 6 and the Idiots will undoubtedly spend hours screaming at HDTVs around the greater Phoenix area. Cubs baseball will again help us endure another rediculously hot summer here. We'll then ride the Bears through the fall and winter before beginning the Spring Training ritual all over again.

I'd say I can't wait but the truth is I can. After all, I wouldn't want to miss all of the pain excitement that's ahead of us in the 2009 baseball season. With that said, be on the look out for my 2009 MLB predictions later this week. I'll be putting some thought into things over the next few days and hope to have something out by the weekend.

OUT!
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The Windy City Travels West to AZ

COI Photos: Now in BlurryVision™

COI headed up to Scottsdale, birthplace of the Cougar, last night to watch the Cubs battle it out with the Giants. Unfortunately, the only battling that was going on was between the players, the Scottsdale Stadium staff, the fans and the wind. The night started out beautiful, with a slight breeze, but soon turned into hurricane force gusts that reeked havoc everywhere. While the sold-out crowd quickly dwindled to the size of a Florida Marlins game, the Idiots+KWil braved it out (with the help of some tasty libations) till the game was called at the seventh inning stretch.

Quick notes on the game:

1. We had lawn tickets, but decided to sit in the extreme left field seats, where no one was. When a couple of other squatters got booted in front of us, some bitch started calling out everyone in the section that wasn't where they were supposed to be, which was pretty much the entire section. To top it off, she was a Cubs fan. For shame. Luckily the usher didn't care and said everyone could stay till the real ticket holders showed up, which for us was in one inning.

2. Barry Zito struck out the side in the first, which brought cheers from the Giants fans. The second inning, Bradley led off with a towering dinger and the rest of the side was sent down with all warning track shots. Take that Zito!

3. The Dos Gringos stand (which did NOT have tasty $8 margaritas, WTF?!?) almost blew over, forcing the staff and police to rope off the area in the lawn just in case. Of course then the staff stood right in front of the sign that was about to take off, which would have been hilarious to see the guy trying to tell everyone about the danger getting crushed himself.

4. Oh yeah, it was super cold too. Yeah, I know, not IL cold, but AZ cold. That along with the wind forced most the crowd to abandon ship by the 3rd inning. We traveled right down to next to the Giants dugout to yell at those fuckers.

5. Angry Mike did NOT get into a fight, despite his best efforts to do so.

6. I leave in about an hour for the Cubs vs. MethHeads in Mesa. The other Idiots are already there tailgating. Fucking bastards.

If you get a chance, head over to WAIW to read the first weekly Cublogoverse Roundtable where yours truly answers a tough Cubs question. Apparently I'm not the only one who had their heart broken by Nomar. I am however the worst writer of the bunch. I guess that's what I get for going to art school and taking only one English class throughout my entire college career.

COI Outings today and Sunday, pictures to come next week. Have a great weekend! Go Tigers!

Go Cubs!


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Good Luck Alumni (Alumni's?) (Alumnus?)

Good luck to the Mizzou Tigers and Purdue Boilermakers vs. UConn and Memphis respectively. Angry Mike went to Purdue, while guest blogger, JDot attended Missouri. I would feel sorry for them both, but I went to NIU. Go Huskies! If both teams win, they will meet in the Elite 8 on Saturday in Glendale, AZ, which I'm sure Angry will attend.

COI Spring Training Outing #6 tonight. Catch it on MLB Network. The Idiots will be in the outfield catching all of K-Fuk's homers! COI Outing #7 tomorrow back in Mesa and COI Outing Finale on Sunday.

Go Cubs!


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COI Video of the Moment: Sweating Like A Farm Animal, Cool As A Daisy

I'm feeling a little better since I got my prescription for Wellbutrin refilled.

Not much to report in Cubs camp. The Cubs routed the As 20-5 yesterday, and followed that performance up with a 9-8 win over the Rockies today. The big bats (Alf, DP Lee, E-Ramis, Mr. Monopoly) are getting back into the action, although with an aggregate score of 29 runs over the past 2 days, so is everyone else, including a 4-4 with a homer that might be too little too late for Paul Bako yesterday.

More players were cut. Right-handed pitcher Jose Ascanio and outfielders Jake Fox and Sam Fuld were optioned to Triple-A Iowa. Lefty Jason Waddell and infielder Bobby Scales, both non-roster invitees, were also assigned to the Minor League camp.

Fox batted .350 this spring with 4 dingers. I expect to see him move up sometime this year when Boardgame, Hoppy McHopilot, or E-Ramis go down with injuries.

To honor the placidity and boringness of the final week of Spring Training, I bring you this very mundane video. Enjoy.

Go Cub!




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Evening All!

Just wanted to drop in and say hi. It is true. After a long few weeks at work I have decided to return to active blogging. The upcoming beginning of the season will undoubtedly help fuel my enteries but I figured I should use these last few days of Spring Training to tune up.

Sunday's game was a ton of fun. Lazy brought a couple 23 oz bottles of Hop Juice for the tailgate and we put down some Peroni and Firestone Walker 31 Pale Ale. Zambrano almost went deep and was dominant on the mound. We are scheduled to be at games Thursday, Friday, and Sunday this week. Looks like we will have to scalp on Thursday night in Scottsdale since Ginger jacked up the ticket ordering. I mean really, who could really believe no one would want to hit the only night game on the Cubs Spring Training schedule.

Anyway, I will wrap this brief post up by commenting on Ginger's most recent post. I disagree with his commentary on Desipio's latest entry. Ginger gets a little sensitive when self-proclaimed 'real' Cub fans attack 'phony' fans. Personally, I don't give a shit what any blogger thinks about the fans or the park. It's about the fucking team on the field. Sure there are jackass fans who only go to Wrigley because it's trendy. Who gives a shit? Last I checked people in America could attend a sporting event for any reason. I love to go because I think baseball is the truest of the sports. There is no clock. Time only runs out when 27 outs are recorded. There is no taking a knee or running the shot clock down. Some other guys like to go for the hotties. Can't say I blame them. If some of the other Cubs blogs feel it necessary to discuss fans and things of that ilk that is their God given right. That being said you won't see me getting involved in any pissing contests. Not that we here at COI are big enough to draw the ire of the larger Cub blogs, but I won't be involved in it. Instead, I will post my personal feelings about the team and share my Cub related experiences. With that, I end my diatribe.

Oh BTW before I forget. BOILER UP! Hopefully another pack of Huskies goes down this Thursday in Glendale.
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COI Outing #5 and I Go Off On Mr. Dolan (Sorry Andy)

I had to bring this artist rendering back from last year. It's my best work to date.

COI outing #5 this past Sunday was another blast (Sorry no pics). Despite the parking direction guys (read: old dudes that hate young people) we were able to park in our usual space and setup the cornhole and get a couple games in. The second game ended in something like 42-40, which for those not scoring at home, cornhole ends with the first team to 21, but you have to win by 2 points. For treats we enjoyed pork tenderloin sandwiches, grilled vegetables and a D-Town favorite, corn on the cob. In attendance was a smaller crowd than last week with KWil bitching out, leaving only the Idiots, my GF and Jeff.

The game itself was pretty good, with Big Z pitching 6 lights-out innings, giving up only one run on a lucky homer and continuing his hitting prowess by ringing a double and scoring later in the inning. Even when Big Z hit a slow roller his first time at the plate for a routine out, he still legged it out like the WS depended on it. The Cubs won the game, the first we have seen since Opening Day, and seem to be getting into the swing of things before the real Opening Day. Derrek Lee even got into the act.

The GF and I sat in right field and we were able to catch most of the game, probably more than I have the entire 4 previous outings combined. I keep trying to teach the GF the rules, positions, strategies and such, and she is slowly catching on. Questions like, "What is the time limit per period in baseball?" and "Why are they all running off the field?" remind me that when I have a kid, son or daughter, they will know everything about baseball and the Cubs, including what a wheel play is, the infield fly rule, and why the Cubs are the greatest team in all of sports.

Perusing my Google Reader today, I noticed that Andy Dolan over at Desipio wrote an open letter to (supposed) new Cubs owner, Tom Ricketts. I love Desipio and it's by far the most well written and humorous Cubs blogs out there. But why is it that Andy and his love-mate Bad Kermit over at HJE keep ragging on everything that is traditional and unique about the Cubs and their fans. I get it, you hate 99% of Cub fans. You are smartest person alive and every Cub fan should act EXACTLY how you want them to. I am just peon and because I enjoy an Old Style and like the seventh inning stretch, I am not a "real" Cub fan.

Normally I wouldn't rag on individual blog postings, or call anybody out. I already learned my lesson from my short rants about Cub blogs (or did I?!?). But seriously, I'm tired reading (and listening to on The Other 15% Podcast) the same points about why the Cubs, Wrigley and their fans suck.

Yes, the seventh inning stretch is pretty stupid, but believe it or not people liked Harry and there is actually a group of people who never remember him, and this is all they have.

Ronnie Woo Woo is annoying, unfortunately he is entertaining to drunks, as I have seen in person during the tailgating in AZ. If he wasn't pleasing those drunk bastards, they would probably be spilling their Old Styles and jello shots on your wine and cheese party with citronella candles and rose petals.

For us fans who don't live in the greater Chicago area (yes, not everyone is as masochistic as those of you who continue to live there) and are "too cheap" (we all don't make 6 figures) to subscribe to MLB Extra Innings, WGN is our only source of watching Cubs games on television (God bless MLB.tv). Just because you can't watch your precious games in HD doesn't mean no one else is willing to watch it. I would watch it on a black-and-white in fuzzy-visioin holding rabbit ears to get the reception if I had too. That's how much I enjoy watching the Cubs.

We get it, Ron is old, senile and fucks up a lot. At least he's not Joe Morgan who just makes shit up. What, you want Marty or Thom (nice name dick-hole) Brennaman calling the games? You know who else was old and senile? Mr. Harry Caray! Just because you've got like 5 Podcasts under your belt doesn't mean you're the expert on radio broadcasting.

Just to prove I'm not all piss and vinegar, I bring you a Cub Cutie.

Guess what, Wrigley Field is old ballpark, and looks like it. And that's what I, and I would assume a few others, like about it. After being to my local ballpark (Chase or the BOB, or whatever it is this year) I fucking hate new parks with all their bells and whistles. The last thing Wrigley needs is a jumbotron telling the fans when and how to cheer. I fucking hate the "Kiss Cam" and shoddy instant replays. Yes, it's nice having a sushi stand at the park, but I still prefer a freshly-steamed, tightly-wrapped, water-logged-bun hot dog with mustard and neon-green relish out of a tiny, impossible to open package any day.

Oh, and the Cubs did the lose the blue jersey's. If you remember, Big Z made them bring them back. I would love to see you tell him face-to-face how stupid they are.

Okay, I'm done with the rants. Again, I respect and love Desipio.com. It's one, if not the best Cub blog out there, but sometimes I don't know if Andy is just being sarcastic, or just the most pompous asshole Cub fan out there. I hope it's the former.

COI outing (final?) this Thursday night. Oh, and Angry Mike promised to start blogging again soon. This is good news for all that are tired of my insistent ramblings.

Go Cubs!


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My Bad!

Photo courtesy of CubsCuties.blogspot.com, my new favorite site! See why I love AZ.

WOW!

Well I apologize. Apparently my first grade reading level didn't quite cut it when I read about Lou naming the #5 starter for the Cubs. Apparently Sean Marshall, NOT Aaron Heilman is the #5 starter. Sorry about that folks, I hope you didn't already order your "Aaron Heilman is #5!" cake just yet.

Well the Cubs won again today in a game that my boss went to with some clients. Not much else to report, so for your weekend, I thought I would give you some new reading materials. I updated the blogroll this week to include many more links. I would write-up a short description on each, but I'm feeling lazy today. Thanks to the Bleacher Nation Cublogoverse list for most (if not all) the new listings:

Bench Aaron Miles! (AA)
Renaissance Wrigley (AAA)
Delusional Cubs Fan (AA)
Reed Between the Lines (Professional Division)
Vine Line's Cubs Club Blog (Professional Division)
One Minute Cubs (AA)
Blame Paul Bako (AAA)
Bullpen Brian (AA)
Chicago Cubs Blog 2 (AA)
Cubs Connection (A)
Shave Your Head Guy's Blog (A)
Cubs Salad (AA)
Nearly Next Year (A)

And a new COI Favorite:
Cubs Cuties.
It's got Cubs. It's got Cuties. All it needs is beer and it's perfect.

COI Outing #5 this Sunday!

We'll you see you there girls!

Go Cubs!


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Just As I predicted, Heilman Gets #5 Spot

Just as I predicted, Aaron Heilman will be the 5th starter for the Cubs come regular season. Lou made the announcement today after the Cubs victory over the Mariners. Despite giving up 4 hits and 1 walk over 3-2/3 innings today, Heilman has had a prettty good spring training and will be returning to the starting role after not pitching as a starter since 2005.

Heilman said, "I really wanted it. I know we have a lot of talent on this team, and Sean gave me a run for my money."

The pick came as a surprise to many Cub fans, as Marshall has a .63 ERA after 14 innings pitched. Sean had been the front-runner since day one in Lou's eyes, and as recently as a couple days ago Pinella was quoted as saying Marshall has done nothing to hurt his case as the #5 starter.

But others point to the Super Powered Arm that Heilman has shown this Spring Training, striking out a team leading 16, double that of Marshall.

Marshall will join the bullpen, along with four others that Lou has already penciled in, including Kevin Gregg, Carlos Marmol, Neal Cotts and Luis Vizcaino. Vizcaino is having a dismall Spring Training, sporting a 5+ ERA. Expected to round out the 12 pitcher roster are Chad Gaudin and Jeff Samardzija, both of have even worse ERA's in the 9+ range.

When asked about the final three choices, Lou said, "Well we owe Vizcaino a shit-load of money, and I'm not paying that bastard sit around for nothing. Obviously there will be games where we are ahead a lot of runs, or behind a lot of runs. I think we can use him in those positions."

"As for Gaudin, look at that beard! Plus he's my drinking buddy on the plane and he promised not to get so wasted this year he would fall down and injure himself trying to make love to a dumpster."

When pushed again about Samardzija, Lou only took out a picture of his wife from his wallet and quietly said, "Anita said no sex if I don't let him on the team, I guess she has a crush on him or something."

Congrats to Heilman and to me, for correctly predicting the #5 starter!

Go Cubs!


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You killed Mr. Kenney, you bastard!

Congrats, FERGIEMADDOG!

Cubs.com caught up with team chairman Crane Kenney today and I'm not liking what I'm reading.

The first order of business discussed was the sale of the Cubs, which looks like won't be ready any time soon and definitely not by Opening Day. This is to be expected though, as apparently these guys have nothing better to do than sit on their hands or jerk each other off, or jerk themselves off after sitting on their hands, which is known as the stranger. Hopefully when the sale does get finalized mid-mid season that will open up some money for players on teams that need to unload big contracts because their season is already over. Like maybe that Peavy guy. Yeah, I said it, whachagonnadoboutit?

Like Lazy Steve, Peavy loves to tap the Jager and the older woman (.just kidding Steve)

Second order of business: the Cubs are going to make money in 2009. Duh! Gone is the Under Armor ads on the OF doors. Coming soon: ads for Dandy House Spa, a Japan-based corporation.

I think the joke is self-explanitory.

Third order of business was the Cubs and the ending of their contract with the city of Mesa in 2012 (which according to the Mayan calendar is the end of the world anyway). But the Cubs could bail even sooner, and are looking for other cities to throw cash and state-of-the-art facilities at them. Kenney had the audacity to suggest that the team would be willing to move to Florida.

"It could be done here [in Mesa], and it could be done in a different state," Kenney said. "The state of Florida has been in touch with us. People are aware that if we were a free agent, we'd be the most desirable free agent in the market and that free agency, just like with a player, is about to occur. We have been in touch with a number of municipalities and states."

Hey Florida, are you okay? Cause no one wants to be in your shitty state for Spring Training when it's still cold there, except Lou, cause he loves you. Since 2000, 5 teams have left your state to come to always sunny and warm AZ, including the Indians and Dodgers this year and Cincinnati next year (okay, you can keep Cincinnati, and don't even think about getting rid of the Cardinals).

What this also means is that I will have a lot of weekends open in March. Which will suck. Suck balls. Big donkey balls. What would COI be without our Spring Training games? What will Angry Mike do with all his cool tailgating equipment? How will Lazy Steve survive without $8 Margaritas? GFY Florida! You can't take away my Cubbies.

It's so the douche-bags that don't even watch the game at Wrigley have something else to distract them.

And then Kenney discusses Wrigley Field, including what they learned from the Winter Classic, particularly adding jumbotrons.

"On the one side, you have a great number of fans who are fantasy players who crave statistical information," he said, "and our hand-operated scoreboard doesn't provide much, particularly about the other games that are occurring, and there's no replay capability."

Don't get to freaked out though, Kenney said it would be foolish to even consider that later in the article. Wait, isn't that what you just did in your previous statement, consider it? I'm confused now. You're starting to make it sound like the stadium is going to turn into the advertising train-wreck I predicted over a year ago.

Also in discussion was the 3 concerts that will be at Wrigley this year.

That's SIR Elton John to you, Ginger Russ.

"My view is if you're a Cub fan, you should enjoy the concerts, whether you're an Elton John fan or not."

No, Mr. Kenney, I would not enjoy Mr. Elton John.

And Congrats to Fergie Jenkins and Greg Maddux, who will have their number retired (31 for those dumbasses who don't know) on May 3rd.

Go Cubs!


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COI Outing #4: the Family Edition

Saturday, March 14th saw Angry Mike, Lazy Steve and Ginger Drunk Rusty head out to Corey Dwight W. Patterson Field at Hohokam Park to witness the Cubs challenge the Angels to a dual to the death. Or maybe just a spring training game. Also in attendance was my GF, Jeff, and KWil, plus the families: Jeff's Dad and his buddy came out from cold IL, Angry Mike's wife (for tailgating), parents and his parent's friends. It was a PAR-TY!

Tailgating was again a huge success and the Idiots have setup camp in the same spot the past couple times. As advertised, Jeff came through with the Combo Beefs (Italian Beef and Italian Sausage for those not from the Midwest). Let me tell you, nothing tastes as good as meat heated up on the engine of a SUV. Okay, so Angry Mike brought his inverter to hook up to KWil's car battery, but the photo is pretty funny. Unfortunately no pre-game margaritas. Angry Mike also cooked up some portobello-cheese burgers.

The game saw the Gang hang out in the lawn seats as usual and randomly watch the actual game going on. Of course it was again $8 margarita specials at the Dos Gringos and I was finally able to partake in a couple...or six Old Styles. Heilman disproved my theory that he would make the number 5 starting position by looking like crap, although keeping the runs down. The Cubs were able to post a slight lead, but the Angels came back to win the game. We also saw the return of DP Lee.

As for the crowd, it was surprisingly (or not, however you look at it) filled with a lot of Angel fans. I didn't know they traveled so well. Or maybe it's just that AZ has a lot of CA transplants, being so close and all.

The highlight, nay, lowlight of the day goes to the Idiot with the personalized jersey with the name "Cursed" on the back. Hey dude, GFY! Okay, so maybe I went overboard with the "Drunk" jersey. But it's a joke. Like Jeff's "Shut up and drink your beer" shirt. But "Cursed"? Way to make Cub fans look like douche bags. Of course your faux-hawk and tribal armband tattoos didn't help either. You sir, are the COI Idiot of the Moment.

Well, even though pretty much the rest of the games are on MLB Radio or TV, I have yet to listen or watch. So I really don't know much of what's going on during the actual games. In news though, apparently Lou has decided on Marshall at #5 and the Shark will make it into the bullpen. Little Babe Ruth has the lock-down on 2nd and we still don't know if we want a backup catcher that sucks behind the plate but can hit, or one that sucks behind the plate and can't hit. But one has experience, because we all know experience counts, just like Geo showed us last year. And my favorite, Hof-POWER has made it on the team as well.

Update: just checked the wire- The Cubs released 9 more players from Spring Training including my new favorite Minor Leaguer, Doug "Longfellow" Deeds, and Jason "I'm never gonna see the bigs again" Dubois.

Update #2: Big Z is still the balls, going balls deep with a three-run dinger today.

And Reed Johnson has joined the blogosphere with his new blog, "Reed Between the Lines". Oh Reed, you're so clever.

Next COI outing this Sunday against Seattle at Hohokam (where else?).

Go Cubs!
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MLB Network: Almost As Informative as the Muskrat

Cubs vs. Japan. Sushi. Naked Girls. See, there is a reason for the photo. What, you would rather look at a picture of a bear eating a salmon as a metaphor?

I enjoy the MLB Network. Personally, I'm a baseball guy. I actually enjoy watching the games, reading the blogs about nothing (as of late) and following the players (although you wouldn't know it with all the mess-ups I have on this site). So when NFL Network came out, I wasn't too enthused. But I can get on board with the MLB Network, so much that I have it programmed as one of my favorite channels. It's a nice change from the Food Network, which has it's logo burned into my screen because I watch it so much of it.

So I watched MLB Network's "30 Clubs in 30 Days" program on the Cubs last night. Let me say, "WTF!" Wow, I don't think I could learn any less about the Cubs, unless of course I read my own posts.

Here is what I "learned":

Aaron Miles is the Cubs everyday 2nd baseman. As MLB Network pointed out, Miles had a career year last year. Sure he doesn't hit for power. Who would want that? Fucking anyone dumbasses! First you tell me the Cubs will miss McDreamy's power numbers, then you don't even mention that Little Babe Ruth has been hitting the shit out the ball with 4 doubles, 2 triples, and leads the team with Hof-Power and Soriano with 2 homers for spring training. Meanwhile, Miles doesn't even have an extra-base hit. Don't get me wrong though, I love ex-Cardinals.

Could you possibly ask the same question for EVERY interview? Yes, you could? That's great! All I really wanted to know is why can't the Cubs win a playoff game even though they were able to easily make it there. The answer, by every player and Lou: (spoiler alert) "We tried too hard." Really, cause it kinda seemed like you didn't try hard enough, or you might have won a damn game. But whatever, I digress. I would have liked maybe something more from an entire hour long program with about 6 different interviews to learn about, but I guess not.

Why is it when I search for photos for Chad Gaudin's beard, all the links go to Five Outs to Go?

Oh yeah, and Reed Johnson has the biggest goatee EVER. Except not. Have you seen Gaudin's? It's like ZZ-Top's redheaded step-child. It must have mystical hitting powers too, because Chad is slugging 2.000! Look out Big Z, you got a competitor for the Silver Slugger Award.

Speaking of which, how funny is it that Lou HAD to hit Zambrano in today's loss against the Japonese, even though he has the option for the DH. Lou said he didn't want "a huge headache" if he didn't. Might be part of the reason why he decided to start Big Z on Opening Day for the 5th straight year. As we all know the Cubs haven't won on Opening Day since Carlos has been getting the nod, but don't be surprised if he follows up one slightly memorable outing against the Astros last year with another one. Then those sissy-girls won't have anything to complain about.

So back to the 30 Clubs in 30 Days. If you missed it (I'm looking at you J-Dot) and want to spend an hour of your life you will never get back, MLB Network is re-airing the Cubs on Saturday, March 14th (which don't forget is also Steak and BJ Day) at 8am (ET) and Monday, March 16th at 12:30am (that's at night, ET).

COI outing number...I can't count that high...is on Saturday. Lazy Steve is driving, so I can finally wear my Drunk jersey and not be lying about it! Looks like Italian Beefs and Margaritas (PRE-game style) might make a couple appearances. Don't you wish you were here?

There's your god-damn metaphor. The Cubs lost a-hole!

Go Cubs!

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Lou Sticks K-Fuk in the 2-hole! (How Dirty)

Is it just me, or does this picture look like Jame Loney just shat out Ryan Theriot onto 2nd base?

Cubs are off today before playing Fukudome and Team Japan on Thursday. Still, not much is going on in Cubdom. The Marmot and Corey Koskie will be returning to the Cubs (well in Corey's case, joining the Cubs) as teams Dominican Republico and Canadia were eliminated from the WBC. The Marmot blew up against team Nederlands. Let's hope he got that out of his system (Gregg will be closer by the end of April, mark my words).

Lou says K-Fuk is already penciled in for the #2 hole on Opening Day. We all saw how well that went in the NLDS didn't we?

Speaking of crappy...Jason Marquis de Suc is still screwing over the Cubs through his replacement, Luis Vizcaino. Vizcaino is effectively pitching himself off the team, which means he really isn't because the Cubs can't afford to eat his $3.5+.5 million contract. Which means he is basically the 2009 Neil Cotts. Speaking of that fucker, Cottie has gone 4 games and still has yet to give up a run. Equally as amazing is Heilman is looking good enough to be the #5 starter, just like I said (is it too early...yeah?), while the other Sean is still looking impressive as well.

COI, or me, loves reading other "real" blogs. I also champion ourselves as the ruler of Cubs Blogosphere List. To date, I have listed 75 "current" blogs in the listing on the right sidebar of our site, plus 5 "retired" blogs and 5 "professional" blogs. In my "re"searching this week, I have added 4 more you may or may not be familiar with. Check them out, and tell them the Idiots sent you.

Tales from Aisle 424 (AAA)
Tim McGinnis (sounds Swedish) has been a season ticket holder since 1998. Tales from Aisle 424 is a new blog, Tim has only been writing since the beginning of the year, but posts are pretty much daily. Pretty good blog, well written by a true, old (not that I can call anyone old in my position) Cub fan.

One Hundred Year Itch (AA)
One Hundred Year Itch is run by a "die hard Cub fan...(living) North of Los Angeles." He also seems to be a fan of Michigan State. The posts were pretty regular during the 2008 season, although nothing in the offseason or Spring Training. Tune in to see if the blog picks up.

The Cub Reporter (Majors)
How did I not have this in the blog list? One of the most in depth Cubs blogs with regular (like 3-10 times a day) posts. Plus the 2009 Cubs payroll, uniform list and (boo) ads. The Cub Reporter has won numerous bloggie awards including ones from Cubcast and Deadspin. A good read.

Prose and Ivy (AAA)
Prose and Ivy is written by Ryan, a contributing writer from View From the Bleachers and MLB.com. The site is part of the MLBlogs Network, so unlike COI, it's pretty clean. Prose and Ivy highlight: the "Beers From The Pitcher" which highlights the Cheers and Jeers of selected pitcher outings. The blog has regular, in depth posts. A good mixture of criticism and comedy, and a CNN news ticker?

Go Cubs! Beat those Japs just like in WWII.


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COI Video of the Moment: Cup Check!

I'm a little late on this one, but if you haven't seen this video yet, well, then you don't read Bleacher Nation, Another Cubs Blog, or Wrigleyville23. To which I ask you: "This isn't your only source of Cubs news...is it?"

Go Cubs!



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It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

Looks like no one wanted "the talk" from Lou, as the Cubs have won the last 2 games by an aggregate score of 17-2 with 28 base hits.

Breakout star, Doug "Longfellow" Deeds went 3 for 4 with 2 RBI's in the Cubs 8-1 over the Mariners today. Mr. Deeds was played by Adam Sandler in the 2002 movie by the same name. The movie also featured Winona Ryder, who was in the movie, Edward Scissorhands, with Johhny Depp, who was also briefly a member of the band, Rock City Angels, who once opened for The Georgia Satellites, who had a band member in the 1980s by the name of Brendan O'Brien, who also produced the cd Vs. by a band named Pearl Jam, whose lead singer is Eddie Vedder, who wrote the song, All the Way and was also born in Evanston, IL, where I was born.

1. Doug Deeds : Mr. Deeds
2. Mr. Deeds : Winona Ryder
3. Winona Ryder : Johnny Depp
4. Johnny Depp : Rock City Angels
5. Rock City Angels : The Georgia Satellites
6. The Georgia Satellites : Brendan O'Brien
7. Brendan O'Brien : Pearl Jam
8. Pearl Jam : Eddie Vedder
9. Eddie Vedder : Evanston, IL
10. Evanston, IL : Ginger Russ

See, it's all just a matter of 10 degrees of separation.

Go Cubs!


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COI Shish Kabobs It's Way Through Outing #3, Now With More Blog Sightings!

So you're all bored with Spring Training huh? Well not the Idiots. This is the time of year which all of us living in AZ LOVE!

Sunday marked outing #3 for Spring Training in Mesa for the Idiots. As usual, we showed up with about 3 hours till game time and setup our area, complete with the new additions of a tent and tailgate coffee table, and this time including the much lacked corn-hole from the second outing. I grilled up some tasty "Sweet Baby Rays" barbecue chicken breast sammies while the rest of the crew made some new friends.

The game was pretty uneventful (besides that damn grand salami by the Rangers) with the score being tied most of the way. Uncle Lou did play most of the starters for a good portion of the game, with the exception of Geo and K-Fuk who are playing in the World Baseball Classic. "I am going to name my first born son, Koyie" Hill backed up the plate, and had a good day with a double in the third. On the pitching side, Sean Marshall continued to look awesome with going 4 innings and not giving up a run.

Some of the highlights of the day included:

1. Girl talking on her cell phone overhead with the quote of the day: "Where are the lawn seats?"

2. Two drunk girls kept yelling at Sori while he was playing in left. He kept looking over and smiling. A couple notes on this: Alf seemed to have a little more "hop" in his catch after he noticed the girls. When Soriano was pulled for his replacement, Mr. Deeds (no seriously, that was his name) the girls also disappeared. Coincidence?

3. New slang to add to your vocabulary: "shiska bobbing" Look it up in the urbandictionary.com.

4. When Greg Golson hit his grand slam in the ninth inning, the guy that caught the ball gave it to a little kid, who with a little bit of coaxing from the crowd, proceeded to throw it back on the field. It's nice to see we are still training them young.

5. This was the second outing in which I wore my Drunk jersey and was not drunk at the game. I hate lying to everyone, although I still get the occasional, "love the jersey" or "can I take a picture".

6. Jason Dubois is STILL trying to make the team. I kinda feel sorry for him.

And the coolest highlight of my day (and I think the other Idiots) was getting to meet another fellow blogger (thanks again to John at Wasting Away in Wrigleyville who we met last week), and P.A. Announcer for Hohokam Stadium, Tim Sheridan, from CubsAZ.com/Boys of Spring and his journal. Tim has been the announcer since 1989 and spent 10 years in the booth next to Harry Caray. Tim was nice enough to let us Idiots into the Press area where Paul "I will never acknowledge COI as one of my favorite blogs" Sullivan sits during the games and into his box where he P.A.'s the game.

Let me tell you, Tim has the best seat in the house, directly behind home plate with the AZ mountains in the background, it's a little piece of heaven on earth. GFY Field of Dreams! Tim was super nice, and even begrudgingly accepted my COI window sticker, which I suggested he place on his window in the booth for all Cub fans to see. Definitely check out CubsAZ.com and Boys of Spring, as Tim's blog is your most in-depth coverage of Spring Training and the Cubs.

In other Cub news...well there really isn't any since I stopped reporting a couple weeks ago. I like the idea that Shilling is interested in being a Cub, and if he is willing to accept a minor league contract, what do the Cubs have to lose? Uncle Lou is getting a little frustrated with the lack of scoring during the Cubs current skid of losing 6 in a row and 8 out of 9 since the shellacking of South Side Meth Heads last weekend. There is still a month left, but I'm with Lou getting a little worried that this might spread into the start of the regular season. I haven't watched any of the World Baseball Classic, and could really care less.

Next COI outing is on Saturday. Let's hope this week until then sees the Cubs getting back on the right track.

Go Cubs!



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Tis Was A Beautiful Day For A Beating

All the Idiots made it out to Hohokam Park this Saturday to witness 4 innings of no run baseball. Just as we left, we heard the beginnings of a rally, as the Cubs blew by the Sox 134-0. So why did we leave early? The 9th Annual Arizona Craft Brewers Strong Beer Festival, just a mile and half up the road at the Mesa Amphitheater. There was no lack of Cub fans at the Beer Fest as well, including vendors who would overlook the 1 ticket per beer policy for us in Cubs gear.

This also marked the official start of the tailgating at Hohokam, although it didn't go as smoothly as usual. KWil forgot the cornhole so everyone sans myself and girlfriend played a "friendly" game of no-limit hold'em. I was therefore regulated to cooking duty, which I didn't mind too much. Angry Mike whipped up a good spice rub for the wings and we also had some pre-fabbed burgers which were "meh". I wasn't able to drink heavily because unlike last year, they told me I couldn't leave my car there overnight.

We also finally met up with another fellow blogger, John from Wasting Away in Wrigleyville. John (and Steve) is mastermind behind the most hilarious captions you will find on the Cublogosphere ever. He also was kind enough to give us some WAIW Official Coozies, which helped out later at the beerfest. Unfortunately I don't have pictures from this day, maybe Lazy Steve will be able to get me some he took.

More games this weekend...and hopefully more posts this week. Go Cubs!


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