College of Idiots: STFU!

STFU!

Posted by Ginger Russ Friday at Friday, July 03, 2009

The Riot: Still Dippin'

Shut The Fuck Up!

I give you 5 recent reasons the Cubs will still make it to the playoffs this year:

Neal "Fucking" Cotts to get Sandy Vagina Surgery
Apparently the sand was too much and had moved up to his arm, thus causing Cottsy to suck ass. The surgeons will go in through the elbow and try to clean out all the sand, but the surgery will end Cotts' season. Darn!

Cubs acquire Jeff Baker for the largest city in New Mexico
Alberto Albuquerque was sent to Colorado in exchange for Baker, who we will now refer to as McDreamy #2 because A)He isn't a midget, like the rest of the Cubs middle infield and B)He can play the outfield as well and C)He is pretty dreamy, don't you think? (huh?)

Freel released into the wild, Farney can stay
Farney will now move into Aaron Miles head, well, because Miles is already Ojo the Unlucky, a munchkin from the Emerald City of Oz. In related news, Miles will immediately be placed on the DL after returning because he sucks ass and Cottsy needs someone to feed him Fruit Loops while he's recovering in hospital after getting all the sand out of his vagina.

Ramirez will return tonight, oh wait, that's the other Ramirez
Is it just me, or is it a coincidence that both Ramirez's stopped playing baseball and will return to baseball at basically the same time. Isn't that ironic, don't you think?

Beer is still cold, sun will still rise in the East, Cubs will still play baseball
Don't give up yet, there is still half a season left and no one is running away with this division. The Cubs could still be anywhere from first to last place before the All Star Break. If any team wins this division with more than 10 games over .500 I will let Lazy Steve kick me in the nuts...that is if he ever decides he wants to be part of this blog again.

Go Cubs!

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