Cubs Sign Milton Bradley: All the Pun-Tastic Titles Are Already Taken.

Subway used this entire jar of Pepper Rings to Put on My Sandwich

Hey subway. What's the deal with only putting like 2 pickle slices on my sub and then 10 million slices of banana peppers? And this is after I specifically requested, "Just a little bit of banana peppers." And thank you for reading my mind about how much mustard I wanted as well. I really didn't want to taste anything else on my sandwich. I hate you Subway. At least I got my Dance Dance Revolution Valkyrie Action Armband I needed.

Dancing Your Ass Off: Easy. Standing Up Straight: Difficult.

What, you thought this post was going to be about the Cubs signing Milton Bradley? Ridiculous. Honestly, I don't know much about the guy beside what I have read on other Cubs blogs. This is what I am to understand:

1. Cubs blogs happy.
2. He has a temper.
3. He likes to throw things.
4. He gets injured.
5. He's not as attractive as DeRo.
6. Switch hitter. Yeah lefties!
7. Good name for puns.


So since I don't really know much beyond this, I decided to Wikipedia his ass. Dude, this guy is old! He was born in 1836. That makes him like 5000 years old. He also was the founder of the company that created 2 of my favorite games as a kid:

Almost as fun as Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

When having statues of almost naked guys in your game was kosher.

Angry Mike is already yelling at me from across the Intra-webs that this is the wrong Milton Bradley. But I knew that. Gotcha!

So I won't go much into the signing because you have probably read all about it on one or more of the other way-better Cub blogs out there.

Ryan Dempster: Still the Funniest Man Ever
In town to attend the Winter Classic, Dempster planned to skate on the ice surface at Wrigley Field on Friday. While he enjoyed the New Year's Day game and liked the look of the ballpark, he said he doesn't believe Cubs fans will ever accept the idea of a Jumbotron in Wrigley.

"And if we get a Jumbotron, I can't pull the instant replay thing on all the rookies," he said. "Every time there's a good play, we're like, 'Oh, look at the replay,' and you get the rookies to look at the scoreboard. It's a pretty neat little thing, but I kind of like the nostalgia of Wrigley."

Aaron Miles is Fucking BAD-ASS
The gunman walked Miles over to the window of the Kissimmee, Fla., motel room where he was being held hostage, and told him to open the curtain. Miles did as he was told. Then the gunman bent over to look through the window, moving the gun from behind Miles' head to his right cheek. And that's when Miles made his move, grabbing the barrel of the gun and holding onto it for dear life. The two men struggled for control, and the gunman didn't play fair. He punched Miles. He bit Miles in the back. He jumped onto Miles' back. But the 5-8 Miles, whose back was bleeding from the bite, wouldn't let go of the gun. Instead, with the gunman still on his back, Miles body slammed him against the wall. The gunman fell to the ground, and Miles fell on top of him. They both were still holding the gun, which now was pointed at the ceiling.

''Get the bleep in here!'' Miles yelled to the police as loud as he could. ''Get the bleep in here!''

Miles yelled those words again and again. The cops heard him. But the gunman had locked the door. The cops busted into the motel room by breaking the window with the butt of a shotgun. One cop pointed his gun at the gunman.

''Drop the gun,'' the cop said to the gunman. ''Drop the gun.''

The gunman refused to let go. Miles was still on top of the gunman, and the gun they held was still pointed at the ceiling. The cop fired at the gunman from point-blank range, putting six shots into him. Finally, the gunman's hand fell off the gun. Miles had prevailed.

If All the Other Blogs Jumped Off a Bridge, Would You?
Since every other blog is doing a recap of the past year, here is mine:

Best Blog of the Year (written by me)
Basket Weaving Kittens
This blog inspired by Martin of FOTG shot COI as high as #51 on the Top 100 Baseball Blogs.

Worst Blog the Year (written by me)
Mmm...Special Sauce!
A low point in which I'm sure I ate too much crack before writing.

Top Searches that Found Our Blog

My personal favorite: Pictures of what the waitresses at wild wings wear to work.

Other Random Thoughts:
1. Florida will kick the tar out of Oklahoma making yet another National Championship Game a disaster for Fox.
2. Most Anticipated Album since Chinese Democracy: The Postal Service, Give Up
3. Spring Training tickets go on sale tomorrow. COI members Lazy Steve and Angry Mike put in their request to take the entire month of March off from work.
4. Despite the fact that the huge bottle of pre-made Hurricane I bought for New Year's is blue, all recipes point towards red as the actual color. Am I color blind?
5. Beginning Jan 1st, AZ is making illegal all license plate covers that cover up the state name on the license plates. And since there license plates have the name at the VERY TOP, this means no more license plate covers. I think they just hate me because now I have to remove my Chicago Bears license plate cover...someday.
6. Work weeks that consist of more than 4 days suck. Already.
7. Angry Mike tried to point out that the picture of March's Cub on my new calendar was actually Ted Lilly and not Rich Hill. Here is a better picture to prove it is Rich Hill. I was actually right for once.

That's it for now. Go Cubs!
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