Because someone has to

I had a few more thoughts regarding tomorrow's game. I figured I would share them with you so you have something to read in between Ginger's posts about the 2008 season (where he inadvertently professes his love for Lazy by mentioning him 1000000 times).

Thought 1 - Weather is going to play a role in tomorrow's game. I am not sure what the impact will be but I am guessing the Cubs will be more used to playing in the cool conditions. Something about the battling Manny's just makes me think we have the edge. They already have a team that isn't very quick and this shouldn't help them at all. I can't wait to see if Nomar made the playoff roster for the Dodger's. If he did we will get to watch his groin break in half on someone elses watch.

Thought 2 - We can't get Manny beat us. Credit goes out to J-dot for talking about this very topic today. Outside of Manny the Dodgers have a lineup that does not instill much fear. Remind you of anyone? Yeah, the Cards. We had so much trouble with them this year didn't we?

Some non-playoff related thoughts...

Thought 1 - Hendry is a genius. You think I am crazy? I have proof.

Thought 2 - The Bengals are turning into the Raiders. I have proof to back this one as well.

Thought 3 - I couldn't help but wonder who the hell cares who the Yank fans are cheering for.

Get some sleep everyone. Tomorrow begins what will hopefully be a historic championship run.

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What the 2008 Cubs Have Meant to Me: Part II - Regular Season

Click for the COI posts regarding the highlights:

Welcome to Chicago Fuckudome!

03/31/08: After what seems like decades, the regular season finally begins. Redemption time for last year. This is the year. Unfortunately, MLB Radio doesn't think I should listen to the game, so I end up watching the Gameday for the first 3 games. In a feeble effort I purchase MLB.tv, which at the time seems stupid, but is later decidedly a genius idea, one of few from this Idiot. The Cubs lose, and so the emotional rollercoaster begins.

2 Idiots and a Hero

04/18/08: Lazy Steve and I head back home and catch the first of two outing to Wrigley Field. I also invite my ex and her 4 year daughter to come to the game. I feel someone needs to show the kid what it's like to be a real Cub fan. She is more interested in the treats and boats on the lake though. But she brings good luck, as the Cubs win. It's the first time in 5 years I have seen the Cubs win in Wrigley Field. The win starts a hot streak for the Cubs at home and they will go on to win their next 13 over a 36 day period.

McDreamy you're my hero.

05/30/08: I have listened or watched 97% of every Cubs game this year. On this day it paid off. The Cubs dropped quickly to the Rockies and the score was 9-1 as late as the sixth inning. In years past, this would be the point that I stop listening. But this year is magical. After Lou pulls most the starters and puts in the benchwarmers, the Cubs comeback with a magical sixth and seventh innings, capped off by a De-Ro 2 run blast. I was so excited I had to go outside and cheer. I think my co-workers thought I was crazy.

The hot stays hot, the cool stays cool.

06/10/08: Special Sauce?

I was an Idiot for missing this one.

06/20/08: Sometimes when I listen to the Cubs at work, priorities take over, like it did on this day. With the game close and the Cubs seemingly coming back from ever deficit, I decided to get lunch early so I would be back in time for the Cubs half of the inning. Unfortunately lunch took a little longer than expected to get, and when I came back the game was over. Yep, Aramis and one of his many walk-offs had done it again. And I missed it.

Big Red loves unicorns.

07/08/08: The Cubs trade Matt Murton to the A's. My heart is crushed. Being a Ginger myself, he was my favorite player on the team. We get Harden in return. I guess things worked out okay.



07/10/08: The Reds hit 7 homeruns off Cub pitchers. It's a bad day, as my video post explains.

I like pools, but they have no place in baseball parks.

07/21/08: The Idiots invade Chase Field to watch the Cubs play the first game of the 3 game series against the home team D-Bags. As usual, the Cubs lose, which has become a regular occurance for the Cubs in AZ. The game is filled with the usual Idiot D-Bag fans, stupid stadium, not enough beer during the game and my first chance to see Harden live. Oh well, there will always be tomorrow.

This scene became way too familiar.

07/22/08: Game 2. Well, tomorrow is a lot like yesterday. The Cubs lose again, although this time I get hammered and don't remember much of the game. At least it helps the pain a little bit.

Grand Salami Re-ed!

07/23/08: Game 3. Finally, a Cubs win! TRL is a base stealing wizard as we get to see him steal not only 2nd, but 3rd base. And I get to see my second grand slam ever as Reed goes yard with the bases loaded. I am finally happy as my 0-5 streak of the Cubs in AZ comes to an end. Can anyone say cotton candy? (Lazy Steve gets it).

The Cubs may have lost, but the sites were interesting at least.

08/30/08: Lazy Steve and I return back to Chicago one more time to see the Cubs at Wrigley. We decide to go for the bleacher seats, and despite being a tad bit overpriced, the experience is great. It is my first time in the bleachers and its awesome, a totally different experience. We get hammered but unfortunately the losing ways of Wrigley and I return. Plus it starts off the worst losing streak of the year for the Cubs.

I hate the Cardinals.

09/09/08: Frustration boils over.

We heart Big Z!

09/14/09: After a disappointing Bears lost, we stick around to watch the Cubs in a make-up game in Milwaukee against the 'Stros. Yep, the game that Bud Selig murdered the Astros. While WGN local carries the game, the national feed doesn't have the game, and we end up watching the game on the internet (buying MLB.tv...GENIUS!) and playing poker. As the game goes on and Big Z gets closer to a no-hitter, we get more and more excited. It was of course mine, and all Cub fans under 4o's first Cubs no-hitter ever witnessed. We celebrate by doing back flips and belly flops into K-Wil's pool. Plus a couple shots, or 3 or 10.

Go Cubs Go!

9/20/08: The Cubs clinch the NL Central for the second year in a row. Believe me, it doesn't get boring. We watch the game at K-Wil's again and celebrate equally as hard as the week before. It's been a long hard road. Ups and downs. Injuries and walk-offs. Mission accomplished, let's get ready for October and some more memories.

Go Cubs!
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NLDS Game One Preview

Ryan Dempster pitched twice against the Dodgers this season. On May 26 and on June 5. The Cubs won both of these games. THAT IS NIIIIIICE. He faced perhaps the most dangerous Dodgers pitcher in Chad Billingsley in both games. Ryan gave up 6 extra base hits over 12.1 inning which is a bit alarming considering Manny was not a part of this team at the time. I would be lying if I said I was not a little concerned.

Derek Lowe pitched twice against the Cubs this season. On May 28 and on June 7. The two teams split these games but Derek did well in both games. He gave up 3 runs over 14 innings and largely dominated. Yikes. So where is Mr. Lowe's achilles heel? Well he has not faced a legitimate major league lineup since mid-August. That could prove to be a problem for him. He has largely feasted on the terrible NL West and the plethora of impatient hitters in that division. I expect the Cubs to make him work harder than he has had to in a while regardless of how many runs he gives up.

This game is going to come down to the bullpens and benchs. This is where I feel the Cubs hold the edge. The Cubs should have plenty of potent bats from both sides of the plate available and their power arms in the pen are well rested.

I am pretty anxious to see who these teams will be carrying on the 25 man roster entering the NLDS. I don't expect to see both Furcal and Nomar for the Dodgers. I don't expect to see Howry for the Cubs. What about Gaudin or Jeff S though? I suppose I can wait until tomorrow to find out who Lou the wise has selected.

The bottom line is I see home field being the deciding factor in a key game 1 victory for the Cubs. Wrigley is going to be rocking and I am not sure that many of these Dodgers, with the expection of Manny and Lowe, will be able to tune out the screams of 40000+ manic Cub fans.

Prediction: Cubs 4 - Dodgers 2 (for what it's worth)
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It's Playoff Time. Please Try to Enjoy It.

For those of you who aren't among the three avid readers of Five Outs to Go, the irony of that headline may be lost on you. See, I am bit of a worrier. I sweat the small stuff. I believe in jinxes and curses. I think what hat or shirt I wear has an effect on the outcome of a game. I know that my choice of wallpaper on my laptop is important to wins and losses. I knock after I say anything positive about the Cubs. I am a nut job. I am positive bad things are gonna happen. I constantly think of worse case scenarios and then try to top them. I am insane and there is nothing I can do to stop it. During the playoffs it's much worse. Every hit is the beginning of the end. Every double play means our downfall is eminent. Every loss means the season is over. I just can't help it. So as the playoffs begin, I beg you...PLEASE don't be like me. Enjoy it.

Seasons like this are few and far between...and I don't just mean for the Cubs. Most teams never sniff anything near 97 wins. Even fewer are able to sustain success long enough to make the playoffs in consecutive years, let alone repeat as champs of their division. What we, as Cubs fans, have witnessed this year is truly something special. This is a remarkable team, with all-star talent, a hall-of-fame manager and a legit chance of going all the way. I mean...wow. So now the hard part begins....enjoying it.

On Wednesday, instead of thinking about all that can go wrong, think of all that has gone right. Instead of worrying about Lowe and Manny, cheer for Mark and Aramis. Instead of sweating each hit or walk, take a moment to relish in the unique atmosphere that is Wrigley Field during the postseason. Soak it all in. All of it. There will be plenty of time this winter to analyze what went right or wrong. There will be countless opportunities to dissect every little nuance of these games. For now, just sit back, relax and enjoy. It's not as hard as it sounds...or so I've heard.

Now pardon me, while I pour over the splits of the Cubs right-handed pinch hitters in night games on Wednesdays in October. Like I said, I am insane.

Go Cubs.
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What the 2008 Cubs Have Meant to Me: Part I

10/04/07 - Cubs vs. D-Bags. The "future" Idiots travel to Chase Field to witness the Cubs drop the second game of the NL Division Series. All I remember vividly is TRL throwing down his glove on the mound in disgust after giving up a 3-run homer to Chris Young in the 4th inning. The beginning of the end of the "magical" year. Talks about a Cubs blog between the three Idiots begins.

10/06/07 - Cubs vs. D-Bags. The Cubs drop game 3 and are eliminated from the Playoffs by the state which I have just moved to less than a year ago. It's going to be a long winter.

11/15/07 - College of Idiots debuts. My first post is about Barry Bonds, as the Cubs not being able to win a single game in the Playoffs still makes me feel sick. It's still going to be a long winter as the Bears turn from a Superbowl team to the suck. Off-season banter about some Japanese player and Brian Roberts keeps me going.

03/01/08 - Cubs vs. Angels. Cubs Spring Training for me begins in a new park, Diablo Stadium. I will go on to go to every Cubs Spring Training game within 30 miles during the weekends, as my job prevents taking off for day baseball. This will be the first of 4 different parks I will travel to, to see the Cubs in Spring Training. We go to a traditional English pub before the game to tailgate, only to find out it doesn't open till noon, so we wait for 45 minutes outside and yell at cars on the road. The park is nice, but generic. The Cubs lose.

03/02/08 - Cubs vs. Giants. My first Cubs spring training game at Hohokam, the Cubs home field. The day was great, sunny and great tailgating. This is the second park I see the Cubs play at for Spring Training. For AZ residents, Spring Training is our Cubs time. Hohokam Park is intimate and you can lay out in the outfield grass or stand along the seats and take in the "sites (i.e. girls in bikinis)" while standing along the baselines. Plus, you can't forget about the special $8 margaritas. I get my first look at the new phenom, Fukudome. Hope is very high. This is going to be the year.

03/15/08 - Cubs vs. Meth-heads. The Idiots travel to Tucson to see the Cubs play the Sox. This is the third park to see the Cubs during Spring Training. Angry Mike's parents are visiting and come to the game with us. They sell fresh donuts but the "sites" aren't as good. I hate Reed Johnson, until it turns out he can actually hit the ball. Neal Cotts gives up a homer that is still in orbit. Nimbus brewery is small but is a great place to hang out after the game, although I get lost in Tucson trying to drive back to Phoenix. I think this is where Angy Mike earns his moniker.

03/28/08 - Cubs vs. Mariners. Lazy Steve, a friend from Chi, and I travel to Las Vegas to watch the Cubs last 2 spring training games against the Mariners. The home of the "51'ers" some major league team is the last of the 4 Spring Training parks to visit. It's the most like a big park, with all the emenities. The first game is a night game. By the time we get there we are extremely wasted. The Cubs start losing badly early and the game gets boring. Our seats our shouting distance of the VIP section which is actually in the third base foul area on the field. They have catered food, so I start yelling for someone in the VIP to give a kid a couple rows down from us a chocolate chip cookie. It entertains us for 3 innings and makes everyone in the VIP section wary to go anywhere near the food, but we aren't kicked out. Finally, someone in the VIP section gives the kid a cookie and our whole section cheers. I prove being annoying sometimes gets you what you want. We leave during the 8th inning as the Cubs are down by more than 10 runs and go gamble back on the strip.

03/29/08 - Cubs vs. Mariners. Final gamd of Spring Training. Early game, same section. This time the Cubs do better and are ahead in the entire game. I'm a little hungover and more alcohol doesn't seem to help in the desert sun. We see a boy in the VIP section take a foul ball off the face and then hit a girl in the face. The boy is okay, the girl crys. From then on out, everyone in the VIP pays attention to the game. The crowd is 95% Cubs fans, just like the night before, which is awesome. Even though the game is in hand, I force us to watch Woody close out the ninth inning. No problem. We bipass the taxi and walk to Downtown Vegas with a crowd of Cubs fans. I get blackjack on a $100 hand. Lazy Steve blacks out, but still manages to win big in craps later in the night. The Cubs should play in Vegas all the time.

Spring Training over, let the 2008 Regular Season Begin...in a coming post.

Go Cubs!
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NLDS rotation breakdown

I really like what Lou has done with the NLDS rotation. Here it is for those of you that hide under rocks:

1. Dempster
2. Zambrano
3. Harden
4. Lilly (if necessary....yeah look at the first 3....might not be necessary)
5. Dempster

Why do I like it so much? Lets begin at the top.

Dempster has been great at home this year, especially in big games. His worst start at home came against the Phillies where he gave up 4 runs in 6 innings. Yeah, we won't be playing the Phillies in the first round. He's not going to shut the opposing team out but he will keep us in the game and give us at least 6 innings. If he gives us 7 innings and leaves with the lead Marmol and Wood will shut things down.

Zambrano has been a complete head case since his no-hitter, but does that really shock anyone? The bottom line is he hasn't pitched in a meaningful game in quite some time. The less important the game the more likely Zambrano is to lose his focus. When is the last time you can say Z blew up in a big game? I was at game 1 in Arizona last season and he was masterful against a D-back team that ate Cubs pitching for breakfast. Z will be fine. Everyone needs to relax.

I like Harden going in game 3 for 2 reasons. The first is his composure. The guy is going to be solid whether the series is 2-0, 1-1, or 0-2. In the unlikely event that it is 0-2 this is the guy I love going to the mound on the road to extend the series. The second reason? Starting game 3 (played next Saturday) also makes it very likely he will start this coming Sunday against the upstart Brewers. If Lilly wins today the Brewers will likely have to start CC on short rest again on Sunday. The Yankees HAVE to hate the Brewers at this point.

Finally, Lilly in game 4. He is the perfect guy to throw against either the other teams 4 or the other team ace (on short rest) if we are about to clinch. This guy has ice water flowing in his veins. He didn't give us a good game last year in AZ but take away that big homer by Young and he wasn't too bad. If he doesn't walk guys he can shut down both the Mets and Dodgers, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!

So there you have it. Let's sit back and enjoy some college football today. The Cubs game, no matter how much we want them to stick it to the Brewers, is completely meaningless. We just need to get our guys some ABs against a quality starter like Sheets to keep them sharp. A win is simply icing on the cake.

Go Cubs!.....and Go Boilers!

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Two Words!

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Now what have we learned everyone?

Our Cubs lost the finale of a very amusing series against the Mets. I have to give the Mets some credit. They did not give up. I suppose they are used to their pitching staff sticking them with large deficits though. What a resilient bunch they are......HA! The fact is that the Cubs didn't run out their starting lineup in any of the games and sent their 6th starter against the Mets ace. To be honest, I am glad they won. I want the wild card decided on the final game of the season. I'd love to see Johan have to pitch that last day. If that happens, I give the Mets no chance in a first round matchup. But enough about that.

We learned a few things last night:

1. Bob Howry should not be on the playoff roster.


2. Neither should Hart and I am sure he won't.


3. Hoffpauir (is that how it's spelled?) can hit.


4. Cotts should ONLY be used against lefties in the playoffs, if that.

Most of those points center around the bullpen. I think we all need to thank the heavens for the pen we have this season. Watching this series has really helped me realize just how dominant Marmol and Wood have been this season. They both have struggled at times but do you see the guys that New York is running out there? Yeah, they are a borderline playoff team. Hilarious. The 2008 Chicago Cubs have an excellent offense but the pitching staff will be the reason we advance in the playoffs. That was the missing ingredient last season.

Congratulation go out to the Brewers. You successfully set up what could possibly be an excruciating final series of the season. You swept the Pirates, nothing new there. As a matter of fact you guys would only be single digits above .500 if not for the Pirates. Get excited, untuck your shirts (STUPID!), and prepare for a real test from the Cubs B team.

BTW - Tomorrow's game is going to be on across the nation on Fox. Works out for the suckers like us stuff in the desert.

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Half Power Cubs and Full Power Hoffpauir Not Enought to Over Power Mets' Power

Longest title ever. Sorry about that. But as I watched the last couple innings at BWW's, and saw the Mets celebrating their walk off single win, I realized I just had to comment on how terrible the Mets really are. So I did a little math. Our starters had a combined 1,818 at bats this season. Compared to their 2,963 at bats. Although their average was only slightly better at .282, compared to the Cubs B+ squad at .274, their HRs per AB was almost double. And the Met's starters had 4.3 times as many RBIs. What does all this mean? I means I love spreadsheets way more than a grown man should. It also means the Mets should have won this game. And part of this idiot, although I hate seeing the Cubs lose ever, was kind of glad to see the Mets keep pace with the Brewers. I think at the moment I hate them more than the Mets.

In addition, the game probably should have been called after the 7th inning due to rain. Once they kept going, I cared even less who won. All I wanted was for nobody with a C on their cap to get hurt. Especially Jim "I <3 Edmonds" Edmonds, or The Riot. Koyie, whatever.

And how about that James Micah Hoffpauir!!! 5 for 5 with 5 RBIs with 2 homers. Oh, and somebody was very quick to put that stat on his Wikipedia page. Give me a break, the games only been over for like an hour. Wow. Is JMH giving D. Lee a run for his money? Of course not. But maybe he'll make the post season roster.

Go Cubs!!!
Oh, before I go, what the fuck was up with Fatty Tuesday?yesterday? Princy couldn't wait to get undressed after knocking one over some fencing they put up in the outfield in the bottom of the 9th inning. His gut just had to come out! Either that or he couldn't wait to get naked in the locker room with fellow fatty CC. Gross dude. Come on, pretend like you're hit a homerun before, asshole! Oh, and you were playing the Pirates! GFY!

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COI Invites Guest Idiot for Post-Season Run

With Angry Mike headed off to Hawaii and Lazy Steve to some other island in the middle of nowhere next week, this Idiot will be the only one left within the continental US for the Cubs chase for a ring. With more of you internet/blog readers definitely checking in to read about how real fans are reacting to day to day, I decided to invite a guest blogger to help us out.

This is not a picture of J-dot. Since I have no picture, I figured I might as well post this Cubs hottie.

J-dot from Five Outs to Go graciously (or naively) accepted to come on board the Idiot Train and will posting for COI during the post-season. J-dot’s sometimes brilliant and hilarious writing can still be read over at FOTG, but this addition should raise the COI IQ level by at least a couple points.

In case you aren’t aware of J-dot’s work, here are a couple examples of my favorites:

1. FOTG invites “Manager” Dusty Baker to guest post
2. Comparing your MLB teams to the best show from the 90s.
3. FOTG gets in the head of Scott Eyre.
4. J-dots random observations about the Cubs.

And of course the brilliant post which I copied that shot our blog from complete obscurity to relative obscurity:

5. “What I Really Wanted To Write Was”

Thanks to J-Dot for coming on board. Look for his first post sometime early next week (hint, hint, Monday). And don’t worry, even with Angry Mike and Lazy Steve being 15 time zones away, they will still be watching the Playoffs and posting as well, along with my always retarded and unfactual posts.

Oh, and Sweet Lou hasn't official posted the roster for the Playoffs yet, but it looks like Chad Gaudin should have just stayed in AZ and Micah should have been on this team long ago. Marquis? We will see (hey, that rhymes).

Go Cubs!
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Apparently winning...er...whining is contagious.

While Houston fans and players are still complaining about playing the Cubs in Milwaukee, Yankees co-chairman and "never born with a silver spoon in my mouth" Hank Steinbrenner is shouting off about how his division is too hard.

"Baseball went to a multi-division setup to create more races, rivalries and excitement. But it isn't fair."

Poor baby. You know what isn't fair: one team paying more for one player than other owners pay for their entire team. You what's hilarious: the top 3 teams with the highest payrolls: Yankees, Tigers and Mets are not (or probably not) going to even make it to the playoffs. Obviously there is always going to be divisions that are worse than others, but the Yankees pretty much owned the AL East until Boston finally decided to penny up and start getting good players.

In opposite-day news, the Red Sox celebrated clinching a playoff spot (not the division) like they won the World Series again. I love how Boston celebrates, especially when they had already planned the entire parade for the NE Patriots before the Super Bowl last year.

Well, I guess I can leave work despite the Cubs barely holding onto the lead. Big Z needs rest. Where did Marquis, Marshall and Cotts come from, and will there be a game tomorrow?

Go Cubs!
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Prediction revisited

With the Cubs sewing the NL Central up yesterday I thought today would be a good time to revist my MLB predictions.

NL - I may have nailed the NL. The NL Central pretty fell like I thought it would. Swap Houston with Cincy. Notice I didn't have the Brewers winning the wild card and I didn't have the D-fucks in the playoffs. Geo is the likely ROY but Martin certainly isn't going to win the MVP.

AL - I was way off here. That makes sense since I pretty much pay no attention to the junior circuit. The Yanks could have contended if their rotation didn't blow up. Detriot....what can I say about that train wreck of a team.



Oh, about yesterday's celebration and Wrigley, nice job Cubs. It looked like those guys were having a blast. It's always nice to celebrate on your home field after defeating your hated rival. Playoff posts to come in the following week. For now I have to finish preparing for the Bears game. It's this idiot's turn to cook. Fajitas bitch!
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Enjoy your sleep tonight Milwaukee....

....for tomorrow you are eliminated from NL Central divisional contention. The Cubs laid an egg today which isn't shocking considering the emotional high they had to be on after crushing any chance you had at the division. But you were not to be out done. Lowly Cincinnati hammered you today. HAMMERED! You are supposed to be fighting for your playoff lives.

I never thought I would say this but I think Milwaukee misses Ned. This new guy is a complete dumb fuck. That's saying something considering they have endured Ned all year long.

Anyway, I have quite a few thoughts regarding playoff matchups but I am going to refrain until we clinch a spot (until tomorrow). Z looked like shit today but that will do nothing but butter up whoever he faces in game one of the NLDS. Ask the D-Backs, he comes to pitch in the playoffs. I think Lou probably had a chat with him today after his near tantrum on the mound. It probably went something like this:

Lou: Sit down Carlos.

Z: Fuck that...I am sooooo pissed...I didn't even get one AB today.

Lou: Look, the playoffs are right around the corner and I need you to get your shit together. You know you just went from no hit stuff to giving up grannys to Adam Kennedy stuff.

Z: I am trying, but how am I supposed to prepare if I don't get any ABs?

Lou: Son of a bitch! You are a pitcher you crazy fuck! So get your ass ready...unless you want to get dumped after 3 games in the NLDS again.

Z: Wow, you are right. How could I get so distracted? I am usually so focused.

Lou: Sigh....I love you are lunatic....you have the Mets next week.



...yeah I know. Sorry for that.

There is a game in 16 hours. Everyone get some sleep. Tomorrow, we celebrate a division championship and begin thinking about the playoffs.
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Avast, me hearties!

toothpastefordinner.com

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Caaaarlos Zambrano to pitch against thar awful Carrrrdnals!

Garrr Cubs!
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13 Thoughts About the Cubs...Now with Pictures!

Dude, we totally missed that double high-five. Let's try again.

Well kiddos, the Cubs did it. They pulled out another unbelievable win (unless you consider the opposition, which has a knack for blowing the lead in the 9th inning).

Magic number down to #2, or midget #1 Ryan "The Riot". What a game, again I thought Santo was going to have a heart attack when Soto hit it out, but he pulled through. Some thoughts and stuff:

1. Call me crazy (or a drunk), but I think Theodore Roosevelt Lilly should be named the Cubs player of September. After going only 2 innings and serving up 5 runs on September 5th, TRL decided to take Lou's words into action on his next start by barreling into Yadier Molina at home plate, effectively knocking him out of the game and the series. The last 2 games the Bulldog has gone 15 innings with only giving up 1 run, 1 walk, and 15 strikeouts.

2. The Astros are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Parents living in Houston with newborns named "Ike," "Bud," or "Zambrano" euthanize their kids.

Duuuude, I was like SOOOO safe...man!

3. Barring an entire collapse by the Cubs and miracle by the Mets, Philly or Milwaukee, Jason Marquis will have been on a team that makes the playoffs every year of his career - 9 years in a row. Have fun watching at home again though. Sorry Marquis de Suc!

4. Who the fuck is Randy Wells?

5. I know it's too early to talk WS, but if the Cubs do make it, I am flying back to Chicago to be outside Wrigley Field. Another Idiot thinks this is gay. Any thoughts?

Soto is the balls.

6. Just give Soto the damn Rookie of the Year award already.

7. Bob Howry is the Cubs oldest player at 35, Felix Pie is the youngest at 23. Ummm....yeah, I wasn't actually going anywhere with that one.

8. Eddie Vedder hearts the Cubs. "Someday We’ll Go All the Way" is my new Myspace song. Listen to it here. (Thanks to HJE for the link).

Come on, give me a big hug. I just drank a bunch of Aquafina water and don't want to argue.

9. Lou has pitched Samardzija, Wells, Cotts, Wuertz, Marmol, Wood, Guzman, Hart, Marshall and Howry in relief in the past 3 days. Can someone say "Post-Season Tryouts"?

10. Speaking of which, is Woody trying to lose the closing position?

11. And the Award for (probably) the biggest Drunk Idiot on the Cubs goes to...tapping thumbs in a drumming motion...Chad Gaudin, for falling into a dumpster and hitting his head so hard he had to leave the team. Oh wait, it was his back. Yeah, that's it. Way to sweep that one under the rug, Cubs!

Hey there fatty, I got a weight limit for the chicks I let Tango with me.

12. Can anyone else wait till Dusty returns to Fox to analyze games for the post season? I know I can't?

and finally...

That damn ump wouldn't give me a hug. At least you love me D-Lee.

13. The Sweet Lou quote of the week when asked, "The Cubs didn't pay $48 million for a defensive replacement, did they?"

"I don't have an answer for that," Piniella said. How non-Dusty-esque.

Go Cubs!
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Hangin'...er, Complaining with Mr. Cooper

Whatever happened to that cute Raven-Symone?

I'm convinced the NL Central (or at least the Northern-most and Southern-most teams) is full of a bunch of whiny babies. First Ned Yost complained about C.C. not getting a No-No until he was fired, and now the Astros players, manager, and fans can't stop complaining about playing in Milwaukee.

a. Argument #1: Miller Park is too close to Chicago to be declared a neutral site.
b. Argument #2: The Astros had to drive all night and were tired from the bus trip.
c. Arguement #3: Since a "neutral site" could not be found, the games should have been played at the end of the season.

Unfortunately for the Astros, all of these arguments were a direct result of their greedy owner, Drayton McLane, refusing to move the venue till the very last minute, thinking the sold-out games could still be played in Houston. He exacerbated the situation by keeping his players in Houston, despite that Hurricane Ike's path was headed directly towards them.

McLane acknowledged rejecting the idea to fly out Thursday, but said he made that call out of respect for the players. "I immediately said we weren't going to do that, because it's not right to ask the players to leave their family, their home," McLane said. "And when the hurricane was on the way, at that time, it was aimed dead center for Galveston and Houston. That certainly was brought up by Baseball, and when I rejected it, the Commissioner agreed."

So to keep your players, their families and your hick fans safe, you decided to keep them IN the path of one of the largest hurricanes to hit Houston ever. That makes perfect sense.

This map was just too difficult for Astros owner Drayton McLane to understand.

Despite all this, the Astros were still the home team for the two games, which means they had the advantage of batting at the bottom of each inning. Forget all the Cub fans. This isn't football. What, the pitcher couldn't hear his catcher's signs coming from his fingers? Do the 'Stros really need that much fan support they can't win unless someone is clapping for them?

The only other thing I can think of by having home field advantage, besides batting last, is that you are used to playing in your own park and it's different grass, bumps, lines, and such. Seeing as how both the Cubs and Astros play in the same division, and thus play in Miller Park the same amount of games, playing in Milwaukee did not benefited either team. Maybe they should have put a stupid hill in center field.

And as for all the fans arguing that the games could have been played at the end of the season, but Selig decided not too because it would effect Fox's playoff schedule and their monetary interests, GFY. By the end of the season the only team these games might have made a difference for is the Astros. Regardless of "sweeping" the series, the Cubs are still going to wrap up the NL Central by the end of the season. This means the Cubs would have to play meaningless games when they should be resting. Plus you know Lou would send out his "Hall of Fame Game" lineup to keep his players healthy. How is this fair to the team that would be ahead of the Astros in the Wild Card?

So face it Astro players, Cecil Cooper, and fans, there was no hidden agenda behind playing those games in Milwaukee. Yes, Bud Selig is an Idiot, but he was in the right on this one. This one is on your own stupid-ass Owner's greediness. Deal with it.

Big Z and running-mate Soriano accept the Cubs party nomination for President!

Oh, and I'm sure only getting one hit in 18 innings and the brilliant pitching of Big Z and TRL had nothing to do with it...nothing at all.

Go Cubs!
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Another No-No in Milwaukee

Yost will have an early start to his deer hunting this year. ESPN, please don't pick him up as an analyst, Dusty was bad enough.

Milwaukee said, "No Mas" to manager Ned Yost today, just 2 weeks before the end of the season and the Brew-Crew still in the chase for the Wild Card. From the Brewers official website:

MILWAUKEE -- The Milwaukee Brewers today announced that Ned Yost has been dismissed from his position as manager of the Club. The announcement was made by Brewers Executive Vice President and General Manager, Doug Melvin. "This was a very difficult move to make, and we appreciate all of the work that Ned has done to develop this team into a contender," Melvin said. "In the end, this was a collaborative decision made to put our Club in the best position for the final two weeks of the season." Dale Sveum, the Brewers third base coach, will take over in an interim role as manager for the remainder of the season. Bench Coach Ted Simmons has been reassigned to an advisory role. Any other coaching changes will be announced later.

The Cubs begin a 3-game series with the Brewers starting tomorrow, throwing both CC and Sheets in the first 2 games. Let's clean up the Astros and finish off Milwaukee.

Go Cubs!
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That was not...not impressive!

I would like to start this entry with a big FUCK YOU to Steve Phillips. Yeah, so you are actually questioning Lou for leaving Z in tonight? Are you kidding me? Nothing was pulling Z out of that game. Not Lou, not a bum shoulder, and certainly not the opinion of a shitty GM who couldn't get the job done with a 150 million plus pay roll. Zambrano was completely dominant tonight. That should serve notice to any would be usurpers of the NL pennant.

BTW - Hats off to ESPN. I came home tonight to expect to see the love fest they gave to the pedestrian Jon Lester. Nope, instead I got to listen to fat fucking Chris Berman give play by play for a bunch of NFL games that everyone already watched. Congrats you jackasses. The first Cub no-hitter in over 30 years and we get Chris Berman's fat boring ass delivering the "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP..." call when everyone knowns another safety is going to miss a tackle. Hey, at least it is original....LAUGH!

Lets sum things up. Milwaukee, you are hilarious. Your wannabee QB is doing just enough to help you ignore your shitty baseball teams collapse. The Bears blew one today, my Boilers blew one yesterday and I feel great. The Cubs are 7.5 games up and 99.9% likely to be in the playoffs. I can't wait to let Marquis pitch 3/4 more games this season. Shit, let him throw on 3 days rest from here on out. If Z only needs a couple weeks off to no-hit a hot baseball team then make it happen.

Hey LA/Philidelphia...you looking forward to facing Zambrano, Dempster, and Harden in a 5 game series...yeah...

WHOOP WHOOP....still going on....LAME!

GO CUBS!
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Big Z...No HItter...That's all we need to say!!!

GFY C.C. Angry Mike has called the regular season over. And this Idiot agrees. Big Z was due for the no-no. Congrats! Many shots of celebration and cannonballs & bellyflops alike! See you in the playoffs!

Go Cubs! Congrats Big Z!
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Yay, two in a row. MIL E# at 11

Well the Cubs pulled off another nail biter tonight. Kerry did his best to blow the save but some slick fielding by Derrek Lee and Eramis helped it out.

So MLB finally decided to postpone the Cubs @ Astros games for Friday and Saturday today. I am still trying to figure out what took so long. I mean we are talking about a category 3 hurricane here. I understand the Astros are hot and don't want to lose these home games.


I also understand that Fat Elvis is scared of a little lightning so I am guessing he's already on his way out of Houston. He should try taking a jog at night in Arizona during monsoon season.

Our Cubs now have a 5.5 game lead over the slumping Brewers. This is not an insurmountable lead but the fact that the Brewers gained no ground while the Cubs were skidding leaves only a small amount of doubt in my mind. The magic number is now at 11 but I am going to refrain from discussing the playoffs quite yet. I have a lot of thoughts on potential matchups and how the rotation should be set but much like the Cubs, I need to keep my eye on the prize. For all the Ginger folks out there that prize is a division title and home field advantage throughout the NL playoffs.

BTW - In case you missed it. Ginger Russ invited you all to learn about him in his most recent post. I'm going to stick to the Cubs, Bears, and college sports talk myself.
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Meet Your Resident Idiot: Ginger Russ/Drunk Rusty

TRL implores his Gumby arm once again.

The Cubs, or TRL, pulled it out last night, barely. I hear Kid K gave a homer to bring the game within one run. Honestly, I stopped listening after the 3rd inning. I guess I just would rather stop listening while the Cubs are ahead then listen to the falling apart. I did happen to catch the final 2 outs of the game though. Nail-biting.

So I would like to thank Wasting Away in Wrigleyville for calling out this blog like it should be.

But are we really happy? Popular blog opinion says no: College of Idiots seems to have lost their shit.

Despite being pissed to fuck off about the recent collapse, this blog has actually stayed optimistic about the Cubs. We are going to the playoffs (magic # is 8, too bad we don't play in the NL West) so GFY. But I have to agree with John at WAIW, a lot of us are still in the closet about freaking out, including these other blogs, which you can read here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here (thanks to WAIW for the link), here, here, or here.

Instead of writing about all that, I have chosen to entertain all 5 of our readers with a feature you might find familiar if you are a regular reader of another Cubs blog, Thunder Matt's Saloon.

And so I bring you: Meet Your Resident Bartender Idiot:


Real Name: Russ

Where are you from? DeKalb, IL, birthplace of Cindy Crawford, barbed wire, and Northern Illinois University

Where are you now? Chandler, AZ, one of the Top 5 places to live if you are a member of the AARP.


Favorite Baseball Team: The Chicago Baseball Cubs

Favorite Current Player(s): I Heart Jim Edmonds?... Big Z, Koyie Hill, Matt Murton, Fontenot, and all other midget players.

Favorite All-Time Player(s): Ryno is my all-time favorite Cub, I have over 110 Ryne Sandberg cards. Yes, I had an obsession as a kid.


First MLB game you attended: Sometime when I was around 7 I was brought to a Cubs game. I was supposed to be a White Sox fan because I grew up (briefly) on the South Side, my Mom was from the there, and my Dad didn't watch baseball, but for some reason I was dragged to Wrigley. I don't remember much of the game besides Wrigley Field looked a lot bigger in person and this old dude with big glasses sang about 2/3 into the game. Everyone stood up and sang along with this old guy, which was the turning point that I decided I would be a Cubs fan for life (and my Mom has disowned me ever since).

Any memorable encounters with MLB players? At a spring training game this year I yelled at Eric Patterson before the start of an inning, "E to the P, you're better than your brother, don't forget it!" At which point he turned around and gave me a little smile.

Which player(s) would you love to sit and have a beer with? Dempster seems like he would be a laugh, Lilly would be a great enforcer if things got out of control, McDreamy DeRosa would be a good wing-man, and any Cards players would probably be good for getting some good drugs for the after-hour parties.


Which player(s) would you like to punch in the face? I once saw Mark Grace at a bar in Scottsdale and wanted to punch him in the face for using Ryno's wife as a slumpbuster.

Which player(s) would you like to punch you in the face? Michael Barrett or Derrick Lee because apparently neither can land a clean punch.

What's better for baseball, the moustache or the big-league mullet? I hated the all hype around Giambi's stash, so I'm going with the mullet. Plus, who doesn't appreciate a good mullet?

What 80's hair metal band do you most relate to? I hate hair metal.

What's your favorite beer? I can always go for a pint of Guinness.

What's the capital of Bolivia? New Bolivia City?


What's the most valuable baseball card you own? 1983 Topps Ryne Sandberg rookie card, or at least it used to be when it peaked at $60 back in the day.

If your daily life had game commentary, who would you want as your play-by-play and color guy? Pat and Ron of course. The bars would be hilarious:

Pat: It looks like Rusty is going in with the "mirror in your pants" pick-up line.
Pat: Not even close, Rusty walks back with his head down, he's 0-28 in attempted pick-ups.
Ron: GOSH!! What is his doing out there? It doesn't make any sense to me.


What would you rather see, Kyle Farnsworth in a barfight, a cockfight, or a hobo fight? Can he fight with Aramis' cock?

Go Cubs!
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Hooray!

Sure is nice to see someone can get the job done. Lilly was masterful tonight, and I am not just talking about his pitching. How bout him taking out Mr. Sourpuss himself, Yadier Molina?

The Cubs magic number continues to fall but it sure is nice to reduce it with a win rather than a Brewers loss. Maybe one of these days both will happen on the same day. Let's not get a head of ourselves.

Harden heads to the mound tomorrow. It looks good for the first series win in quite some time. I am really hoping they make it happen. I find myself looking forward to Saturday and Sunday's football games more than I should when the Cubs have the NL's best record. Who knows, if the Cubs pull things together maybe I will be motivated to post more.
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Basket Weaving Kittens

Kittens! Kittens! Kittens!

Basket weaving kittens! Kittens! Kitten basket weavers! Basket weaving, basket weaving, kittens! Kittens! Basket weavers!

BASKET WEAVING KITTENS!!!*

*This blog has been edited to remove all swear words with nice, clean words. Thanks to FOTG for providing another unoriginal idea for this Idiot to copy.

Go Kittens!
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Dear Sweet Lou: How to Deal with Problem Employees

From a manual about management:

Most Managers have a few “problem” Employees. These Employees may not work to their full potential. As a Manager, don’t give up on them.

Don't give up on Cotts, Lassie, and especially Howry yet Lou...wait DO GIVE UP ON THEM!

Here are three tactics that may help:

1. Stack the deck in their favor. Many “unproductive” Employees simply lack self-confidence. They don’t try hard because they are afraid to fail. Assign these Employees tasks in which you know they will succeed. Build their confidence with each success until they’re ready to take on more difficult challenges.

Have Howry pitch simulated games. Tell D-Lee to strike out instead of hitting into a double play.

2. Create the right environment. Surround the employee with positive and productive co-workers. Sometimes being on the right team can bring out his/her best. Study the team dynamics and position the employee for success.

Listen to Lassie.

3. Separate the behavior from the Employee. Ask yourself: Has the Employee always acted this way, or is the behavior something new? There may be a personal problem. It is not uncommon for talented employees to go through periods of personal difficulties. Be as understanding and supportive as possible. Your patience can pay off with increased commitment and loyalty.

Maybe something IS wrong with Big Z? How is D-Ward's wife doing? Did E-Ramis got another chick pregnant in the Dominican?

Yeah, I got nothing. Even boobs aren't looking as good anymore. And can we go back to hating Lassie again?

Go Cubs?
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The Idiots are bad luck for the Cubs again.

These are not the Idiots. We were Drunk and Stoned (pictures to come).

My kindergarten teacher once told me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Well..."FUCK YOU HOWRY!" It's not that my teacher was bad at teaching, it was just that she had an incredible rack, and even as 5 year old when a woman with nice tits told me something it just went in one ear and out the other.

So the Cubs are sliding bad. I saw a stat on Monday that the Astros actually have a better record in the past month, and this was before the start of the series. Of course I could be wrong on that...so don't quote me. (I just heard from Pat the Astros are 26-10 in the last 36 games and have won their last 7 in a row. This neither confirms or denies my statement though) Honestly, because I was back in IL, I haven't caught much of the past days besides being in the Left Field Bleachers for the game Saturday with Lazy Steve and another friend. Unfortunately, the opposite of what happened to the Cubs after the Idiots first visit to Wrigley (where the Cubs started a 20+ home game winning streak) has happened to the Cubs.

The game was fun regardless. It was this Idiot's first outing ever to the bleachers (hard to believe). Totally different atmosphere, much more exciting. Soriano was hilarious turning around after every out to let the crowd know how many outs there were. Lazy Steve has the pictures from the game, which in my recollection got a little hazy after the fifth inning. I do remember going to Goose Island after the game and drowning our sorrows in Irish Car Bombs though.

Well, it looks like Big Z and Harden are something to be worried about. If we can get our bats back and extend our 4.5 game lead over the Brew-Crew, we might be able to give em some more rest. The call-ups proved once again I don't know what I'm talking about, since I didn't expect to see Koyie "Roy Munson" Hill or Angel Guzman back up to the Bigs. Guzman looked decent last night. Apparently the Cubs also just called up Kevin Hart again, so Brown Spot Bob has someone to compete with to be the worst pitcher on the team.

Dempster is on the mound now, although lately pitching hasn't been our problem. Who could believe that Marquis is actually getting better with each outing and still losing games? D-Lee needs to step up in the clutch and get it done. And does anyone remember when our bench warmers were playing like All-Stars? We definitely need this to start happening again, and I'm looking at you D-Ward, Ronnie-C, and Hoffapauir (sp?).

Also, Congrats to Angry Mike for completing his MBA over the weekend. I'm no longer the smartest Idiot in the group (based upon highest level of school only). Also, Angry Mike posted the 200th post to College of Idiots last Wednesday. Congrats to COI and thanks to all 5 of our readers for sticking around.

Are her boobs so big cause she has a bun in the oven? (now that's just mean)

As always, when the Cubs make me depressed, I just need to see some boobs and I get cheered right up.

Go Cubs!
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Z's Baaaaaaack...

I'll start with something uplifting. I had no idea bout the accident Koyie Hill suffered last year. It's always nice to see someone persevere. Hill will likely see time in a hand full (no pun intended) of games down the stretch as Lou rests Soto for the playoffs. I am sure he will have a new found appreciation of his time in the majors.

Now something a bit depressing. The Cubs haven't had an extra base hit in over 3 games now. It is actually getting hard to watch. That brings us to the matter at hand.


Today's Matchup:
Zambrano v Backe. Z is 1-1 against Houston this season with the most recent decision being the lost just one month ago. Backe is 0-2 against the Cubs and has largely been terrible against them. Backe gave up 11 runs against the Cubs just last month. I like the Cubs going away in this game...if they can muster an extra base hit or two that is.
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