Ask Carrie a Question, and Bad Kermit Will Respond

So a 30 minute lunch break is ALMOST enough time to have a smoke, eat some leftover chicken, shrimp and broccoli stir fry, and read the latest of Hire Jim Essian. Since we need more posts, here is the rip from said post:

Question to Cubs.com from concerned fan:

Aug. 8 is the 20th anniversary of the first night game at Wrigley. Why is the game not a night game? Is there any chance they will change it?
– Liana W., Hiawatha, Iowa

Bad Kermit:

Don’t worry. By the time they bring the game tape all the way to Hiawatha on horseback and run it through the projector at the town picture show so all the town folk can watch it, it will be night time. It will also be August 12th.

CARRIE: I’m sure you know that the game was rained out on Aug. 8, 1988, so the first official night game at Wrigley Field was played the next night, Aug. 9. That said, Aug. 8 this year is a Friday, and one of the rules regarding night games at Wrigley is that none are played on Fridays or Saturdays. It’s an attempt to help alleviate some of the congestion in the Wrigleyville neighborhood.

Bad Kermit:

A lesser-known rule regarding night games at Wrigley is that you have to have at least one dude with a popped collar yell at you, “Cubbies fucking rule, bro! Fuckin’ D-Lee, bro! Looooouuuu! Let’s do a shot, man! What are you, a pussy?”

Classic! Cubs on national tv tonight, let's show everyone how it's done.

Go Cubs!
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10,000 + 1 = Elusive

So the Cubs finally lost today. First time in a week. It's not all bad though, Marquis had a good outing, going 7 strong innings. It's not his fault The Riot can't turn two. Hey Riot, you went from off, to on, to off again, to back on Jeff's shit-list. You're like a Duncan Yo-Yo. Well, we can't expect to win every game 148 - 2. Speaking of scoring, the Cubs lead the majors in runs scored so far this year (I had a link to reference this, but I can't find it. Trust me? Why wouldn't you?). Well, it's off to DC...the city, not the comic books. The Nats are playing so bad even Leno got in on the action.

"46,000 people showed up to see the Pope in the Washington Nationals' ballpark. He beat the Nationals 15-1. … To make sure the crowd did not get unruly they cut off beer sales after the 7th commandment."

Also, not to beat a dead horse (who beats dead horses anyways? in my day we huffed airbrush propellant to get our rocks off), but I happened to catch the WGN salute to the Cubs and 60 years on WGN. Worse fans ever, huh Marty? I guess all the Cubs players, past and present must have played/play in a different ballpark, cause all they had to say was that Cub fans are the best in the Majors. Even Sosa, who half the town doesn't even like anymore loved playing for the Cubs. Once again, GFY Marty, we're not all douches.

Well, I'm off to drown my sorrows in a bottle of room-temp crappy vodka. Maybe this will perk up my spirits.


Go Cubs!
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Video of the Day

Would Lou go off like this?



Thanks Deadspin.

Go Cubs
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History tonight?

9,999 + 1 =

10,000!!

Hey, at least we're not the Phillies and reached the 10K milestone is loses first.

Go Cubs!
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Welcome to the top Cubs! Feels good, doesn't it?

The Cubs are in sole possession of first place in the Central! YES! And less than 2 weeks ago we were in last. Okay, there have only been 3 weeks, but still, we are on FIRE!

So how was everyone's 4/20? What's that, you don't remember? Put down the bong and stop smoking so much pots. Now pick up a PBR, or Old Style if you live East of the Mississippi, and cheers on the Cubs!

7 games over .500 after today's win, and we're still not even out of April. Jeez, all that worrying after the first 3 games for nothing. Everything is working like a well-oiled Uncle Lou liquor-dispensing machine..hitting on all cylinders. And after Lilly finally wins a game tomorrow the 2-in-a-row series sweep will be, albeit shortened, very sweet tomorrow.

Go Cubs!
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GFY Marty Brennaman

You will be our new COI Idiot of the Moment, just as soon as I get home and get enough liquid courage to write my post. In the meantime, if you don't know what I'm talking about, here is Mr. Assbag ripping on Cubs fans:


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Seeya Soriano

Well congrats Al. You managed to hurt yourself hoping while catching a fly ball. I hope you are very proud of yourself. You know rank up their with the Gramatica brothers in the lamest sports injury catagory. I can only think of one positive that can come out of this. Maybe Lou will tell this dumbass to stop. I mean come on. He couldn't possibly come back from this and continue the hop could he? This is Alfonso Soriano we are talking about. One of the most talented, yet profoundly moronic players in MLB. Only time will tell. Maybe tomorrow we will find out how long we can expect to wait to find out.

Oh, did I forget to mention that the Cubs pounded the Cincinnati Dusty's? Corey had a pretty solid game. He spent absolutely no time clogging the bases in Wrigley tonight, much to Dusty's delight. Dusty's stupidity was on full display tonight. Do you think he freaked out when Lou moved DeRosa to left without lifting the pitcher? I'm guessing he was dumbfounded. But enough about Dusty.

Z is on the hill trying to get back on track. He always pitches great again Cincinnati, especially Adam Dunn. Should be an interesting game. He has killed us the last 3 seasons.....but tomorrow is a new day. I can smell that 9th win. Wait....maybe that just Murton I'm smelling on his way back from Iowa. THANKS BASEBALL-REFERENCE for the loverl Dunn v Z stats.

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I Hate Dusty!

Sure, Dusty Baker, Chris Speier, Dick Pole, Paul Bako, and Corey Patterson all returned tonight as part of the No-Clog Reds, but the real story here is Misty May singing the Seventh-Inning Stretch...

Okay, not really. Lot's of dingers tonight, but the game ain't over yet, so I'm not going to speculate on the outcome. Dempster did pitch well though, considering the Wrigley living up to it's Windy City tradition tonight.

Go Cubs!
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GPY!

Phigure it out...





So our Cubs salvaged the final game of the Phillie series. It is amazing how one game or one bad inning can change your perspective of an entire series. If Zambrano could have keep his wits we may all be celebrating a 5-1 road trip. Instead we nod approvingly, giving this team credit for taking 4 of 6 on the road after a ho-hum homestand. Still, 7-5 isn't a terrible start. Milwaukee is playing well and will probably be a pain in our ass all year. I think we all know St. Louis will fall on their face. Check out the lineup they ran out there today. HAHAHA!


Drunk Rusty thinks playing K Fuk in center is the answer huh? Here is the box from that game. It didn't really work out that great. I do like seeing him in the 2 hole. So does Kermit at HireJimEssian.com. We need to keep him in right field though. PA is going turn out to be a solid player and he should be getting ABs against right handed starters. Now that Reads hot start is coming to an end I think we will see now PA.


No game tomorrow. Time to get ahead start on that contract assignment. What? Just me? Work and school all at once sucks.
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New Lineup, I Likey

Check this out, KFuk is in center and batting 2nd in front of D-Lee and E-Ram. Does this mean Thunder Matt is coming back? Only time will tell.

Go Cubs!
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Did Zell start paying by the hour?

So the Cubs have won the last 2 games, playing a total of 3 actual games. 27 innings later, the Cubs are on a roll, and for the moment, fans have stepped away from the ledge. Yes, there are still many things to worry about, but as long as we keep winning, I'm okay with it.

Wood is on-again, off-again. Why can Cub fans NEVER be sure of winning a game going into the bottom half of the 9th inning, no matter who is closer? Pig...something was sent down and Marshall is back. I don't know who the former pitcher is, I went to 8 spring training games and never saw him. Did I miss a trade somewhere? Thunder Matt (M&M) are you still playing in the minors along with Hoffy? (okay, don't answer those question, I'm being facetious). Lieber is good...sometimes, Big Z is on his way to the Cy Young, given he keeps eating bananas, and fuck...

WHEN DID HELL FREEZE OVER?

Ryan Scott is our best starter, kinda. And notice...no "Dumpster". I'm upping Angry Mike's challenge of not calling him by Dumpster as long as he pitches good. Well GYM (go fuck myself). I won't call him Dumpster for the next week.

And tonight? Who would like to close this game? Let's see what Cubs fans versus the Cubs have to say:

Fans: "Throw in Woody!!! He's back! We got wood!"
Cubs: Strike One. Wood gives up the tying dinger, sending the Pirates to comeback number 2 in the series. FUCK the Pirates give us trouble! AAARRRRRGHHHHH!!!!

Fans: "We lost the wood, but we still have HEART...er...HART!"
Cubs: Strike Two. Really, Hart has pitched awesome so far, but still falls ill to the Cubs closer disease.

Fans: "Who is left? Marshall flew in last night after missing his flight back to his 3rd or 4th cup of coffee. Let's put him in. What's the worst that could happen?"
Cubs: Not only did Marshall FINALLY close the game (welcome back, future closer), but Felix Pie, who after just 4 starts was pulled for Reed Johnson as the starting bologna to the ALF/KFuk sandwich, hit the game winning single.

So after about an entire 8 hour workday worth of playing (at least the fans are getting their money's worth, too bad that stopped selling beer in 7th inning) later, the Cubs are 2 games over .500. The Cards are no worry. They are not the Baby-Backs of Arizona last year. They will collapse, another player will drink himself to death...that is if LaRussa doesn't beat them to it. And the Brewers will start to get tired...and drunk...and full from cheese after a couple months back in the W-I. So as long as we keep within striking distance of first place, keep winning the close one's, and stay healthy I have no reason to not expect the $20 I laid down on the Cubs at the Mandalay Bay will pay me $70 at the end of October. God those are horrible odds.

Go Cubs!

Oh yeah, my radio at work is still working through Opera, and I even got to stay at work and make all my co-workers think I'm crazy by staying at work after my shift to watch the Cubs from the end of the 10th inning on my computer through MLB.tv. D-Bag fans just don't understand.

And I can't still stop this blog. Did anyone else get a load of the Pirates mascot in the background of the last couple inning? Somebody punch that guy in his pajama-wearing ass. Fucking thrusting on every pitch. I fucking hate you.

Go Cubs! Again!
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1 week down

Well I don't know about you guys but I am not to floored by anything I have seen in the first week. Soriano and Ramirez are off to their usual slow start and Fukudome is carrying the team. D Lee is hitting .400 which is fucking awesome and Z is off to a solid start. 3-3 is not great but its not terrible and I doubt the Cards and Brewers will continue to play .800+ baseball.

The Cubs won 3-2 today behind a strong outting by Zambrano. I might be splitting hairs but I don't think it was even close to the best Zambrano has. He showed off the new SLOW curve he has developed but he seemed to fall in love with it. He did until Tejada deposited one of the into the leftcenter bleachers at least. It was nice to see his go back to the heat after that at bat. D Lee with a big dinger today and Woody nailed it down in the ninth. It was a tough couple games but I think things are beginning to fall into place. The offense will really start to produce when Soriano and Ramirez turn it on, which should be any day now that we are hitting the road (check out his road numbers).

I am sorry to disappoint but after writting another 5 page paper today I don't feel like adding a whole bunch more. I'll be back tomorrow with more good stuff.

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I've figured you out, MLB Radio!

Damn you MLB Radio! You worked for me on Wednesday somehow, maybe just to give me a little taste to get me hooked before you took away my precious Cubs listening and Pat and Ron. But today, after trying about every trick in the book, including purchasing MLB TV (why do I keep throwing money at you like an 18 year old asian in a strip club?), I finally figured out how to work you on my lowly Mac. The answer:

I downloaded the web browser, Opera. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! You didn't think of that, MLB Radio, didja? What, no one uses Opera, you say? Hey MLB Radio, what has two thumbs and tuned in just in time to hear the Cubs lose yet another game?

THIS GUY!

Before I gloat too much though, I understand that you will have effectively figured out that a Mac user learned how to listen to your precious broadcast and will fix the problem on Monday.

GFY MLB Radio!
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Idiotic Prediction #1: Dumpster gets 1st Win in Cubs 2008 World Championship Year

The Prediction:

Dumpster will pitch a no-no through 6-1/3, will give up 2 runs, but E-Ram will hit the game winning double. Thunder Matt (M&M) will still wonder why he isn't in Chicago.

Cubs 3, Brewers 2.

Soriano - 0-3, 1 walk.
The Riot - 2-2, injury forces him leave...to much jerking it from talking to Ronnie yesterday.
E-Ram - 1-3, game winning HR.
D-Lee - still has a big cock.
K-Fuk - 2-3, one walk, one stolen base.
Soto - another dinger, Rookie of the Year on it's way.
Everyone else - still wondering when it will at least 60 degrees out....didn't you get the memo, Chicago NEVER has good weather.

AND...

Btw, Yosh Kawano, the Cubs Equipment Manager for over 65 YEARS will be stepping down. Yosh will be the new COI Hero of Moment, and the first inductee into the COI Hall of Fame, pending approval of the other Idiots. Billy Williams said of Yosh:

"He was a guy who did what he thought was right. He tried to preserve the organization, he wanted to keep the equipment in the clubhouse. Maybe he did some things out of the ordinary, but that was his way of doing it."

Yosh was bleeding blue before Santo, Mr. Cub, The Hawk, and the rest. Don't worry Yosh, you're statue will come soon enough.

Go Cubs!
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Another Lackluster Effort

The Cubs got pounded by the Brewers today by a score of 8-2. Isn't that fantastic. Lilly is never going to do too well against this Brewer lineup. They have a ton of right handed power so you knew they would score some runs on Lilly but what the hell is going on with the defense? Soto looked especially bad today. He really made Kendall look like the better catcher today. It's painful to say that because we all know that isn't the case.

So we are off to an 0-2 start. I would be lying if I said that doesn't bother me but it's not that big of a deal. The Cubs really need to nut up and get a win tomorrow though. That means Aramis and Soriano coming to fucking play. It really sucks that it takes this high price jagoffs a couple weeks to hit when they have a WHOLE MONTH to get ready. I understand Chicago is cold. I remember the old highschool baseball days too and it is not that much more difficult to hit in the cold. If anything there is a premium on making solid contact on cold days. In the long run this team will be fine but I would sure like to see them play somewhere near their potential.

Oh, Lou is moving Soriano back to the top of the order. That is mostly to keep him from making the final out in front of D Lee for the next month.

Good luck tomorrow Dumpster. I promise I won't call you Dumpster for a least 2 weeks if you give us a good start. And Brewer fans....the Packers suck....so take that.

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Happy 100 Posts, COLLEGE OF IDIOTS!

THIS IS NOT THE 100th POST!

Okay, it is. I would hope that Bob Barker or the Hawk, and even maybe Ryno would be saying this, but, here goes....

Congats to Angry Mike, Drunk Rusty, and, yes, even you Lazy Steve. So regular season is in full efffect. Don't worry, once Angry Mike graduates and Lazy Steve gets tired of flight simulator, this blog will be in full effect. And plus, Version 2.0 is coming soon. All I gotta say is "GFY!"

Anyways, I never thought we would get this far...and without any actual baseball being played, just wait kiddies, you are in for a ride. Please keep your arms and legs within the vehicle...

3...2...1...

THE SHIT IS ON NOW!

CONGRATS, COI!

Now let's get drunk!

Go Cubs!

- Drunk Rusty
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