Why do the Cubs suck in AZ? Why not asking them?

You know it's bad when you come to work and a co-worker asks you if you are going to the game tonight and when you tell him, "Yes", he replies, "Sweet!" The Cubs hate Arizona, or at least playing at Chase field. I have now been to 5 games in the past 2 years living in the Valley of the Sun and the Cubs have won 1 game.

WTF?

So I headed over to the HIlton Double Tree Super 8 Motel in Phoenix to get some answers from the Cubs themselves.* As Desi Arnaz would say, "You got some 'splanin to do!"

Sweet Lou: "It's the batting practice, no more batting practice. Oh wait, that didn't work."

K-Fuk: "My bat suck, I try other player's."

D-Lee: "If those damn players ahead of me would just hit doubles, I wouldn't be hitting into all those double plays."

Soto: "The heat makes my guy-liner run."

Soriano: "I haven't been playing, remember? Broken hand? I'm in tonight, just wait."

Fontenot: "Uh hello, Little Babe Ruth over here. My little back can't carry this team to much."

Ramirez: "My 'lady-friend' in the Dominican just had a baby. I can't get any sleep."

Harden: "At least they gave me run support in Oakland."

Wood: "I have a sandy vagina."

Howry: "I think I shat myself."

Thunder Matt: "I'm not even on the team, what am I doing in AZ?"

Marquis: "I just plain suck everywhere, AZ has nothing to do with it."

Marshall: "I thought this was Extended Spring Training."

DeRosa: "I'm too busy blogging."

Reed: "Fu-Manchu! Fu-Manchu."

Mike Quade: "Damn helmets."

Gerald Perry: "Hitting? Are talking about hitting? Hitting?"

Ivan DeJesus: "Don't fuck with the Jesus."

At that point Hank White woke up, and proceeded to chase me out of the hotel.

*Some quotes may be fabricated.

Sorry for the crappy post, it's been a long week. I think COI has giving Jackson's on Third enough money to put the owner's kids through college.

Go Cubs!
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